Being Newly Married

Being newly married, I get a lot of people asking "So, how does it feel being married?" and the automatic response from me is always "It's the same!". I decided to dwell on the question a wee bit more over the past few days, reflecting on my relationship with my new husband. Ah, perhaps, it is the fact that our 3rd year "anniversary" of being together is right here...

I think being newly-wed, one of the major adjustment is referring to my other half as my “husband”. He had always been my “boyfriend”. He never even transitioned to “fiancé”. Now, he’s my husband! I believe this would take some getting used to. But talk about something that really jolts you into “married” mode, huh? “Hi, I’m looking for my husband.” Or “My husband is waiting for me outside.” Or “Yes, my husband is fine. And how is yours?” Admittedly, I’ve had a few slip-of-tongue, and used the word “boyfriend” instead... and then I either get a grinning slap from a girlfriend or else a look of annoyance from my darling hubby.

The other thing that I find extremely difficult to get used to is being referred to as Mrs See (yes, that’s the surname of my beloved other half). Believe me, if you were not one of those who dreamt of becoming somebody’s wife since the age of five, you’d find this hard to swallow! I’m not sure I will ever take on the role of a “Mrs.”... in general, I feel every bit as I am – Eileen Lui.

So what then makes it different?

I've never given marriage much thought as a personal choice simply because I felt it was really just a piece of paper. Was it that important to have your commitment sanctified in front of all? If you did not get married, does that mean your commitment is .. hmmm, lesser in weight? Does that piece of paper really keep you away from falling out? Or is it a tool meant to tie you down? (considering my choice of profession, I should be shot dead, eh?)

I realised that the difference is what you make of it. You can either treat your vows lightly, or respect them – married or not. I refuse to be one of those boring couples who want to define their own “space” or who needs their own “space”, most importantly, I refuse to be one of those couples whose romance sizzle off into thin air over a period of time. This actually takes a lot of work. It does.

But I think I’ve been blessed. There is a lot of love in my relationship and a lot of fun and laughter. Three years that we’ve been together as a couple (not counting the 14 years of knowing each other!!), the longest time we’ve ever been apart was for a period of one month – when I moved to Cambodia ahead of my other half. Other than that, we see each other everyday, we work together, play together, eat together. And now that we’re married (and no longer living in sin), we also sleep together. Here in Cambodia, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays – we’re always together – if possible. Whether it is to a party or grocery shopping and people ask – “Do you always have to do things together?!”

The best part is not getting tired of each other. Of course, work gets in the way, we get busy, we slide into that vortex where it all becomes a BORING routine, and we sometimes forget even to kiss each other before going to bed. It’s unavoidable. (It is at these times that I miss my singleton days!)

“Our miracle lies in the path that we have chosen together. The true magic of love is not to avoid changes, but to steer them successfully” (an excerpt from my husband’s vows to me – which is now forever tattooed on my left thigh).

Each time we find ourselves in that vortex, we would do whatever we can to celebrate our love. It could be as simple as just getting a piece of cake and putting sparklers on top and making wishes, or ordering in pizza (the happy ones :)) and washing it down with a bottle of wine in front of the TV or cooking a big meal together even if it was just the two of us. It was also nice that my beloved other half started this thing about celebrating our “anniversary” every month on the same date – which is why it is now approaching thirty-six months we’ve been together. And this month, we celebrate for the first time – our 3rd year, as husband and wife. That ought to count as special!

What we continue striving to do is to make each other laugh. There’s a difference between grocery shopping as a necessity and grocery shopping as a necessity amidst lots of laughter. We find ways to “entertain” each other. We’d annoy each other – I’d mis-match his socks on purpose and he’d flick me for doing that, or he’d fart under the blanket and I would pinch him for it.... even sorting out clothes to be donated for flood victims, we end up hiding each other’s will-die-without-it old, comfy T-shirt into the pile for donation. And every day, without fail, we shower with our eyes opened – you know why? The other person’s hiding behind the shower curtain, trying to turn the water tap to COLD so that the person showering will freeze. (Me? I’ve graduated from that. To make it easier, I just pour ice water on him from the top of the shower curtain).

Continuously trying to scheme of ways to one-up the other in this little game of ours is keeping us entertained and laughing enough for our daily intake. Seeing as we both decided not to have children (Ok! Ok! More me than him, but excuse me, he’s not the one with the womb. So no say :P), this just becomes a necessary tool in our relationship to escape that vortex I was talking about earlier.

I think aside from the “my husband” and “Mrs. See” thing, I noticed one stark difference – that is knowing when to stop at work. Knowing that it IS ok to leave some things for the next day, and that it is now time to go home and prepare his dinner. Oh, so “wife-ly” of me!

Love, here’s to many, many more months of celebrations and lots and lots of laughter too.