Grace Under Fire

** This post is going to be a rant, so brace yourself.

The Wedding Planners

In my decade-long wedding career, I've only had one wedding experience that was extremely unpleasant. After last month, I now can add one more to that figure. But I guess, it takes nasty experiences to help us grow and learn.

I was glad to have my partners fly in to give support for the wedding because I could see things not going right and I was very sure I needed the extra experienced reinforcement. Of course, given a better circumstance, I would have liked them to fly in for a nicer, more pleasant experience. But well, that wasn't the case. In any case, 3 days from the aftermath, I am still thankful they were here and they got my back. Thanks, L & TH !!!

Well, I was very clear on what my deliverables were to the clients and whilst the planning process was totally unenjoyable, the clients weren't nasty. However, I have not known a more disorganized couple and their families and add to that, a bride who haven't even selected her HMU artist a day before the wedding - to name a few unconfirmed items - we can all spell the word C-H-A-O-S. Despite my best advise previously, they didn't want to listen and what happens when it's your big day and you suddenly realise you have ten thousand things not done yet? You freak out, tempers flare, you forget things and your time schedule runs out of whack. Let me do a run-down of what went wrong.

Nevermind that the table decoration was only confirmed 2 days before the wedding day, or the fact that the confirmed caterers were suddenly thrown our way - even though this wasn't a part of the workscope, and nevermind also that she couldn't confirm who she wanted for hair & make-up (even after a hundred trials), or what was the chosen walk-in music despite the fact that 10 over songs were played for them ..... right up to the morning of the wedding day, we had no guest list or seating plan - the max capacity of the hotel was 30 tables and late night on the eve of the wedding, she told me that there are guests who might turn up with additional people, etc,... etc.....  And they wanted to do place card seating!!! Without a seating plan, that was totally impossible. And whilst we were instructed to serve wines - the red wines were nowhere to be found and not delivered to the hotel till the very last hour. And the approval of itinerary seemed to mean shit to the clients because the schedule kept changing... from hour to hour. Even at 5.15pm on wedding day, the itinerary was changed. The bridesmaid who was so particular about mixing the special cocktail (enough for 200 pax) showed up at 5.15pm and said "I didn't have time to do this. YOU DO IT. I will give you the recipe now. " No please, no thank yous. We are hired slaves. But guess what? We got it done. And we have a new mixologist in da house, y'all!

Since we had come all this way throughout the planning process, myself and the team worked on trouble-shooting. Every minute was spent implementing what was agreed in conjunction with managing last minute requests and changes. And it totally didn't help when the clients decide to get petty - eg... Car on standby - "Why did you ask the car to be on standby so early? I will call you when I need it! Who will pay for the additional hours?!!!" First of all, the car does not magically appear when I snap my fingers. Second of all, the additional hours costs a total of USD20. I knew that if the car was late to "appear", she would also throw a tantrum. So, I told her I'd absorb the USD20 if it so makes her happy. Mind you, these were wealthy people we were dealing with. But if that USD20 contributes to someone's happiness - hey, why not.

Aside from the couple themselves and the families, we had all these high-flying overseas guests who thought they were all one-head above us and looked at us with disdain and disgust. Well, I handled RSVPs also and despite ten thousand emails telling them what to do, what to expect, etc.... the guests seem to be hell-bent on making life difficult. Not all, but most. I mean, hey - what's up with the "I Am Better Than Thou" attitude. Give me a break. Last I checked, we all have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, hands, legs, one heart, one stomach, etc. Oh, you mean your better financial status means you are better than me? Oh.. puh-lease. There was even a celebrity amongst them who thought he was the God of all things and started instigating other guests on the bus to throw tantrums too because the schedule was so delayed - yet again! As mentioned, the clients kept changing their schedules and it ended up with guests having to wait long. Guests throwing tantrums, picking fights and then telling tales to the clients about "your wedding planner shouted at me" are all just displaying one fact to me - despite your monies, you are so terribly brought up. In Chinese, we say MO KAR KAO. I mean, if you were so "rich" and you didn't want to wait, why not arrange for your own private transfer?? Nevertheless, we all bit the bullet, grinned and beared with all these nonsense. I even beared the brunt of the bride screaming and crying at me, telling me she wanted me to get rid of my team member who shouted at her and her guests. (To those of you who knows TH - tell me if he is capable of shouting at a pissy guest? Didn't think so.)

Without a correct guest list and seating plan, it was obviously chaos when it was time to get into the ballroom. When I had to check this with a family member of the bride, she sarcastically told me "I have done it all perfectly already, ok? Doing your job!" Again.... errr,..... with all due respect, these are your guests. Unless you don't mind me seating your guests wherever I please. I mean, seriously! Do you really expect me to seat your VIP guests when I don't know who they are and I don't know which table they are seated at??! Nevermind. I said Thank You, smiled and walked off.

Because the bride had to get her hair done at a salon somewhere else (couldn't decide on a HMU, remember??), she was delayed by 3 hours, and everything ran an hour late for the reception. As per confirmed itinerary, food to be served after the bride's grand entrance. She specifically wanted a Western-style reception, as opposed to the Cambodian-style of serving every table of 10, whether or not the bride existed. Before I even got a chance to check with the bride if we could do that instead of keeping the guests waiting - guess what? The families started making a fuss.  And here was where all hell broke loose - when two of the family members came up to me and started screaming and shouting degradingly at me - in front of all the other guests. I kept my composure and I tried to explain in an even tone that this was the bride's wishes, nevertheless, I have made the call to serve food. But more screaming and shouting and bitching ensued, so I walked off.

Add to the mix - a totally ball-less hotel management team who had no qualms of screwing you over.... it all spells N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E. See right, the hotel was so quick at pointing fingers the moment they sensed something wrong. The first thing they did when they saw the guests expressing hunger was to go up to the family and say "Actually, all our food is ready but the wedding planner isn't allowing us to serve." Good one. Before that, they reminded me over ten times that the ice bar display would be removed after pre-dinner cocktails because it would melt. But when the client complained about the ice melting - what did they do? They gathered their service staff and tried to salvage the ice bar. Let it be known - it was the wedding planning team who helped their service staff try to salvage the ice bar. And they reminded, also a thousand times before the wedding that the poolside closes at 11pm sharp. But again, when the push came to shove, they said "We'll let it run all night long, it's fine." That's fucking ball-less, if I ever met any. And I have worked with the hotel's sister company before in another country. They don't behave this way. However, I have to say kudos to the banquet and service team. They really provided the much needed support to cater to all the last minute changes and guests requests, etc. I have always enjoyed working with the banquet service team of this hotel. It is only the management that gives all sort of pompous problems. Now, I need to add ball-less to the equation.

When I was screamed at in a public display of rudeness, I could've chosen to walk off and bring my entire team with me. I did not. In fact, hahaha, I'm so proud of myself for achieving some sort of "zen" level in my journey towards having a calm mind. I did not walk out even though I have every right to do so. Say what? Even my Mother does not scream at me that way! Who the fuck do you think you are? But, I didn't create a scene because I don't like creating scenes in public. Furthermore, I think these people have publicly shown how badly they were brought up despite their richess and what-nots. Just because they behave like uneducated fools in public, does not mean I need to stoop to their level. I have class. My parents brought me up really well.

But most importantly was the fact that I really felt sorry for the bride. I mean, this was her wedding day. She had two days of displeasure, irritation, annoyance, screaming, crying, shouting, anger.....  I really didn't want to be yet another person who physically added to the black spots of her wedding day. It's all karma at the end of the day. I was blessed with a fab, fab, fab wedding filled with laughter. I always wish the same for every couple because it is after all, a once-in-a-lifetime event. So, I stayed on. And we worked the floor and despite all the setbacks and glitches, we finally finished the 13 hours + 20 hours, 2 day-event.

I still haven't been paid nor has the other vendors. To be honest, if they paid, they paid. If they didn't, I couldn't care less. I'm not going to beg for my balance payment. Don't get me wrong, it would be great to be paid for the heartaches and pain but then again, the amount they are paying isn't worth it at all. In fact, no amount of money can pay off being humiliated in public for something that wasn't even my fault to begin with. If they want to be petty, etc... I don't think I would have the patience to deal with it. If they really don't pay, I will always remember that Karma's A Bitch. Fingers and toes crossed, so far, the client had been a good paymaster. Again, don't get me wrong - the bride had been ok. She wasn't nasty. I understand also that her temper on wedding day was just the torrents of emotions she was going through. But for the families and guests..... that's a different story.

Not to mention, after the event was over, I received Thank You emails from 3 guests. And they said that even though it was all so disorganized, they knew it wasn't my fault because they "knew the couple well." Even if it was only 3 guests out of the 300, I take that as a good sign. If I had screamed back at the family that day, I wouldn't be getting these words of encouragements.

I suppose trying to practise keeping calm is ..... hard. I've been reading this book about pretending your mind is a lake and let nothing ripple the calmness of the water. Well, I've had pebbles and rocks and God knows what else threw into it over that 2-day event, and it all rippled. Keeping it calm is hard, man. And then there's this thing about being the bigger person. After the wedding was over, I still had last minute requests coming from the bride. I honestly didn't feel like entertaining all these requests - which were out of my workscope by the way. In fact, my local team said "We really do not want to see them or any of their families again." This coming from a group of boys who are so dociled and mild-manner, it drives me crazy. They could stand me - Gordon Ramsey The Second for 4 years, but they just can't take the couple or their families for one more day, after two days. That says a lot. Well, I made the necessary arrangements for them but I also made some excuses not to show up. I mean, I had a date with the kids at the orphanage. Really didn't think I was gonna ditch them kids and choose to handle more rudeness!!!

Not letting things ripple that lake and being the bigger person...... these are all still work-in-progress for myself. Seriously, if I can do that, I might be the Buddha himself! :P But so far as I have seen, I am Grace Under Fire.

p/s : I highly commend my team who stepped up above so much and the great teamwork is what every business needs to make things successful despite the adversities. I salute all of you. And it was also nice to have experienced partners come here to watch my back for once :) I am thankful. I am blessed.  

Eating, Praying & Loving... well into 2012

I am thankful for the love that surrounds me everyday, for the opportunities that come my way, for the great experiences I can learn from. I am thankful for the food on my table, clothes on my back and roofs over my head.

In a flash of a flash, it is almost time to bid farewell to 2011. When they say time flies, they weren't kidding. And the end of the year would mark my full year of embracing a new positive attitude, glass-full and all..... For those who just stepped in, do read Part 1 & Part 2 of my Eating, Praying & Loving journey :)

Well, the year wasn't without its ups and downs for me. And definitely not short of dramas either. What with broken partnerships, crazeeee clients, set-backs after set-backs, and busting my knees too. There had been times that were really challenging, tearful times when I saw my glass bloody half-empty - again! In fact, my whole training regime took a dive because even as I pushed, my timing was getting slower and slower and my body was constantly coming up with pain at places I didn't know existed! And I just felt like the powers out there were really rocking my boat. I remembered a chat I was having with my Mom over G-Talk and I told her "Whoever I am praying to, they have abandoned me!!"


I learnt to have unwavering faith. OMG! Who knew that keeping faith was so bloody hard? But I preservered. I chose to "spiral up" (as Eminem says) instead of spiralling down. Why choose your glass half-empty when you can choose to see it as half-full, right? Hard as it may be some days, many days, especially during PMS :P, I soldiered on. And I continued praying. 31st December 2011 would also mark 402 days of me praying. I am keeping faith indeed :)

2011 had been a rather interesting journey for me actually. There had been several learning curves, both on the work and business front as well as on the personal front. But eversince I tried to synchronize my mind and my heartbeats with that of the Universe, I have been presented with "signs" and "words of wisdoms" that seemed to be really useful at times. I'm not really sure how this works. It could be the fact that I am no longer "blinded" by my negativities that I see the signs around me or it could really be the miracles of the universe at work. Who knows.

The last few months were actually the most trying. But why focus on the crap of 2011, right? :) When things were not going according to plan and in fact, there are many things still up in the air for me right now, my best friend said this to me : "Why don't you just go with the flow and enjoy the adventure?" Yes, agreed. I just hope she forgives me when I once again do a no-show in NZ to see her and new-born baby girl..... (Honest! I was THIS close to booking the tickets!!) At the end of the day, I think a lot of things happen for a reason. Whether the reason is simply just a learning experience, or aligning you towards your future..... they're all reasons.

A 'gang' of us were talking about regrets recently. Of course, I have regrets. So many. For one - I should've taken up criminal studies more seriously instead of the glam world of advertising. Two - I should've taken up competitive sports more seriously when I was in school instead of seeing it as free periods meant for playing. That is just to name a couple. BUT - as I said, I think things happen for a reason. Why am I here? Why am I not there? What made me make this decision? Was it wrong? Was it right? Or was the decision leading to something I did not know? - are you still following me right now? :) End of the day, what is the use of crying over spilt milk? I am not part of the BAU. I'll live with that :P I'll just engage in my fantasies watching Criminal Minds / CSI on TV. And who's to say, I would be happy doing criminal forensics as my career? Right? Right? Right.

Having done away with dwelling in my "regrets", I have learnt to accept failure as a grand learning experience. Just because something didn't work out, it does not mean I am blacklisted for life. All I need to know is that I gave it my best effort. And it didn't work out because there are bigger things out there waiting for me. It's just the way the universe aligns itself apparently. And with that too - I've come to a high point in my life where I feel I no longer need or want to prove anything to anyone. I don't need to be driving around in a Lexus to show people I am successful. In fact, I go around town riding pillion on a Honda kap-chai on weekends here. I used to feel 'embarassed', and I think "OMG, I don't want clients seeing me on this beaten-down motodop!!" But you know what? Clients hire us for our brains. Not for the cars we drive or the expensive bags we carry or whatever. Like I said, at the end of the day, people are free to say and think what they like. I don't have to prove to anyone that I am wherever I am. And it feeeeels grrreeeeat !! :) *and cue song : Lighters by Bad Meets Evil :)

I've had a fair few really great and nice clients this year and also a handful of  - "crazeees" for my wedding business. I think the 'crazees' were there for a reason. What was the reason? Do, read on. I guess, the final straw was when a client wanted a free-tasting session for USD8 champagnes (I'll never let this go) and there they sat, opening bottles after bottles of "affordable" champagnes and commenting about bubbles and textures and taste. Now, see, I am not a connoisseur of champagnes, but even I know what to expect from bloody USD8 champers. I was praying so hard for the strength to not pour the bottle of champagne down their heads. I wanted to scream "You stupid bi-a-tch! There are people with no food and you are here bitching about USD8 champagnes??!" Whilst I kept my cool and professionalism (and damn proud of it), I couldn't sleep that night because I was raging internally. And therefore, my belief that money doesn't buy us happiness had been reinforced.

On the other hand, together with my local team, I've taken on more "charitable" work stuff, mostly for those which causes I support. The latest being the MTV Exit Campaign which fights human trafficking in this region. I remember the first meeting with World Vision and all involved, when we were presented with the harsh truth about human trafficking, I was.... shocked, appalled and ashamed. So, just like that - I decided on doing the job even if there was no profit to be made. And here's the catch - these "free work" that I do - so enjoyable! It gives me a buzz even though I'm poorer !! It gives me new experiences and also new learning curves for my local team too. Although, poor local team of mind - it's Hell's Kitchen everyday for them as well. LOL! New Year's resolution - I promise to try to be more patient and less Gordon Ramsey-like with them. Truth is, they ARE a good team. But things are just harder in Cambodia. Period.

Anyway, as such, whilst there are still a few things that are up-in-the-air for me (and I am still learning to let it be and not worry about it), I have made a partial decision to scale back on my time spent on work / business stuff and I am increasing my personal time spent on voluntary work for the new year. To start with, I am going to be more involved with the kids at the orphanage and will be planning music lessons, English lesson, fitness lessons, art lessons and other recreational activities for them. Apparently, recreational activities are good for children who are HIV+. Where I am unable to teach (like art - because I cannot draw to save my life), I will try to enlist help from other kind-hearted souls. For the elder kids, I will be sitting down with them to talk about their future as well. Bottomline is - I am going to do ALL I CAN to make things happen for them and help them become inspiring people. With the blessings from all the powers out there, I'll pull through and I'll pull them through. Of course, I am looking for guidance from the staff at the orphanage as well as this is a totally new area for me. And you know what they say about laws of attraction? I am attracting so many kind-hearted people! To all of you who have helped me helped these kids - they are great kids - I am truly grateful. To my NS team back in KL - thank you for your support too :)

On the flight back from KL recently, I had the 'good luck' of sitting surrounded by Cambodian maids returning to Cambodia. One of them was in tears and relating her story of hardship as a maid in Malaysia. I tried not to eavesdrop, but since I can comprehend the language a little, I couldn't help it. I felt really sorry for her. Looking back, I've really had a privileged life. Nope, I didn't have maids or nannies or chauffeurs. I walked to school and we had to wash our own uniforms and help with the household chores, etc. But my middle-class parents have struggled to provide for my brother and I and I wasn't shipped away for economic reasons to god-forsaken countries to be maids or whatever else people are trafficked for. In fact, I've had piano lessons, taekwondo lessons, I went to the Outward Bound School, and if not for the rotan-rotan-rotan for every 'A' that I did not produce in my report card, I don't think I would be where I am today. Again, as with all families, we've had our dramas and I've had my teenage rebellion spell too (running away and all, hahahha!). But I am thankful for the upbringing I had. We're not rich, but we're rich in so many other ways. And because I have led such a privileged life, I think it's high time I helped those who need it. I have also set my sights on several other NGOs supporting the vulnerable groups and have made appointments to see them soon. I am humbled to think that in this instance - these NGOs will consider whether I am suited for the voluntary work and it's not about me just saying yes, I'll do it. In fact, wherever I may be, Timbaktoo for all I care, this is my plan. THIS IS my next step.

As for paying clients,...... I will check whether our hearts are beating in synch or not before I sign on the dotted line :P I am good at my job. No, I am DAMN GOOD at my job. But I don't think I want to feel miserable doing the work. I don't want to do a half-ass job for the client just because I'm frustrated or my heart's not in it (and our hearts are not beating as one :P) or I am forced to be calculative with the clients. I will give clients a great event or a great wedding - provided they give me a great planning experience in return. Money? Let's make it worth both our whiles. Fair deal, I say.

I may see a dip in my income..... BUT..... I know I will always have food on my table, clothes on my back and roofs over my head. A friend posted this on her FB status a couple weeks ago : -

"The more I give away to others - my possessions, my money, my time, myself - the more fulfilled I am and the less I lack because there is always, ALWAYS, Divine Providence. Sometimes it's just what I need, but mostly it's over and above."

... and when I read that, I was like "BINGO!" Something clicked! See, what did I tell you about reading signs? All these signs are flashing in front of my face everywhere I looked, be it on FB, on TV, or simply a banner across the street. Used to be, they zoomed right past me. But now, I see them. I see them all!

I have new clothes all the way till CNY 2030 - (private joke only a few are privy of. LOL!). If you look through my photos - I am someone who don't have a large range of wardrobe. I can wear the same stuff over and over again every week and it doesn't bother me. MasterChef MOH will always know what to do with spicing up my meals - leftovers or not. And come what may, I know I have a room back in my parents' home. So, therefore, I'm grand :) Over and above that, I am truly blessed with so much love in my life. And laughter too :) I am thankful for the dosage of laughter MOH provides me everyday :)

"You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings. Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings. Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere." 


As I usher into the new year, full of anticipation and a sense of adventure (hopefully, I'll also regain my racing fitness and sign up for another tri-race soon), I promise that I will continue Eating, Praying and Loving well into 2012.

So,...... to ALL - have a blast on New Year's Day! Happy 2012! May it be Money Come! Money Come! and All Good Things Come too! :)


p/s : For my friends, or anyone for that matter, who may have had a rough ride in 2011, it's time you buckled up. 2012 is going to be a super-awesome ride!

Karma's A Bitch

* This post is a special dedication to all who felt like they had been cheated or taken for a ride.

I remember a wedding I planned years ago, where I met the stingiest, most cheapskate couple and both their families ever in my entire life. The five-day wedding was a nightmare for the crew and every single vendor who were part of the wedding - from the hotel right down to the hired van drivers. The funny thing was - the entire wedding, from Day 1 till Day 5 went perfectly well. Not even a single glitch - even with the Skpye-In speech by the groom's cousin. You'd think the internet would've created some havoc at least! But nope, weather was perfect, the food was great, the prayer ceremonies and traditional ceremonies went like clockwork beautifully. And still, at the end of the day, the client refused to pay everyone in full. By then, we were all so tired and couldn't wait to get out of there, we just left. (The sound system guy went as far as telling the client that the balance payment shall be "donated" to them).

On the way back, we had the pleasure of being on the same flight as the groom family's priest who presided over all the traditional ceremonies. Funny thing was, all of us on that flight got to talking and found out that the priest too was equally unhappy about the way everyone was treated by the family. Here's what the priest had to say to us and I will remember this forever :

"There is no need to be upset about your payment, ya. You see, the family is cheating money from here, there and everywhere only to have to use those monies to pay for the groom's medicine."

You see, the groom had a long-term illness.

So, my friends, they say Karma's A Bitch. You better believe it.


** cartoon taken from cheezadiddle.deviantart.com  

Weddings Are Meant To Be Beautiful

** I am so tardy with my blog these days, I fear cobwebs are growing around it

Over the course of my career, I have met quite a few "crazies" in terms of clientele. You know, clients who want it fast, cheap and good, clients who kick up a dramatized fuss about changing the copy from "a" to "the", clients who decide you are supposed to finance their business because they are a popular brand, etc. Then I expanded into planning weddings. Brides are a whole different breed really. Over the years and with many steep learning curves climbed, I have learnt to manage these clients, these crazies, the best way possible. I have had my finer moments and I have had my not-so-fine moments where if given a chance, I would push the person off the cliff. Or myself.

When it comes to bridal "crazies", I have realized that my patience can be stretched pretty far, even though patience is not my virtue. At the end of the day, it is about understanding the psyche of a bride. Or even a groom for that matter. I mean, after all, it is their big day and who ever thinks about "Oh, if this doesn't go well, we'll do it again?" for a wedding, right? So, I can deal with the "I want it and I want it NOW!" or the 6am calls on Sunday mornings or the 8pm calls at nights. I have even learnt to deal with brides who expect me to snap my fingers and stop rain - like I am God or something.

Therefore, having established myself and my name in this business - not without the help of my partners and a strong network of great industry vendors of course, I am more cautious when choosing my clients. But yet again, I sometimes have my not-so-fine-moments when making such a decision. And recently, this "un-fine" moment surfaced.

You see, I'm a sucker for weddings and all things romantic. I still cry at weddings - even though they are not mine. (Yes, this Eminem fan has a soft side too). So therefore, when this particular groom looked me up out of desperation, I took on the job. In all honesty, the fee wasn't that fantastic. I laid out my terms and these terms had to be customized because there was only 30 days left to the wedding and zero had been accomplished. We agreed and signed-off. And then in waltzed his TV star bride. And this was when things became a nightmare. Sensing that things aren't going to go down well, I had twice asked the groom to please take back his deposit - even though under contract, I am not liable to return his deposit. But twice, the groom, sounded desperately apologetic and said it will all be sorted out. I don't even know where my sense of "kindness" was coming from!! I even offered to help him on a "friendship basis" but he insisted I get paid for my work. But the whole drama escalated to a climax yesterday evening. Within a span of half an hour, the bride had called 4 times, changing her decision from cancel to limited production to cancel again to "Fine, I'll take the whole lot, but it must be delivered NOW." She knows that there was no way production of 1,000pcs of favours will be completed within one week. Yet.... She even threatened that if we don't do as she wants, she would "use her mouth to ruin our reputation."

Ah, you see.... I can take alot of nonsense. But I don't sit down to being threatened. I have to say this again because I enjoy saying it - last I checked, she was no Angelina Jolie. Sorry, to burst your bubbles, babe. Reality hurts, huh? I have a rock-solid career and credentials and if you think a local 'celebrity' can ruin me, I would've been ruined long time ago. I am so happy that I am such an anal-freak when it comes to black & white documentation. I can easily ruin her too by going to the press with all these. But I choose to take the high road. Meanwhile, where was the groom? Nowhere to be found. (Until this morning, when he called and apologized yet again and said let's move on. I say what??!) We're counting 18 days and still zero accomplished except for the favours drama.

That's the thing I don't get. Weddings are meant to be beautiful. A day where you celebrate LOVE with all those near and dear to you. A day that is filled with laughter and love permeating the very air that we breathe. Because it is such an enjoyable day, filled with blessings from loved ones, friends, acquaintances and sometimes, even passing-strangers, the lead-up to it should be an enjoyable one too. Isn't it? So why then do some people insist on making it a stressful and dramatized journey?

If you have hired a professional wedding planner or any professional wedding vendors, trust them to do their job. They've been doing this for years and they have credentials and portfolios to show for it. Do you walk into A Cut Above and pay the Creative Director 500 bucks to style your hair, but instead, you are teaching her how to cut your hair? Then why bother paying? If you have a budget, stick to it. But manage your expectations. Everyone has a budget. Even myself for my own wedding. Money don't grow on trees. I GET THAT and I understand that. But use reason and common sense to manage your expectations. You do not buy gold for the price of iron. It simply doesn't happen. As planners, we will strive to get you the best deals with the best quality possible matching the price paid. But remember this always - you pay peanuts, you get monkies. And ANY professional vendor will NEVER  want to make monkies out of your wedding. If you are getting peanuts, I advise you to double and triple check your deal. Of course, there are rare occasions where a really good deal is offered. 

Above all, treat your vendors with respect. We are not your butlers or your slaves. I have no issues helping you carry your gown, your bags, your shoes or helping your guests get a SIM card. But that is only because I LIKE YOU as a person and you respect me as a professional. If you were unkind and disrespectful, I will tell you that carrying your shoes and what-nots are not part of my jobscope. However much you are paying me at that point is irrelevant. Period. When a client calls me during lunch hour and asks "Eileen, is it ok to talk now? I know it is your lunch hour but I need to check on something..." I feel I want to do more for this client. But when a client calls me at 6am on a Sunday morning and then lambast me for not answering my phone because I am supposed to be available to her 24 hours of the day - I feel I need to memorize the contract and only perform according to my jobscope. There you go! The truth. I am pretty sure many of my industry friends share these feelings too.

Over and above that - never resort to threaten your hired professional. Sure, throw your bridal tantrums if you must. I know it gets stressful towards the big day. But don't ever, ever threaten to put your hired vendor out of business ESPECIALLY if you are the one being unreasonable. Because, let me tell you another secret - any vendors worth their salt DO NOT NEED your fees to survive. We are simply established enough to just move on. Many of us, we are in this business because we love and enjoy our jobs (aside from being suckers for pain :P) and for sure, we want to share the happiest moment of your lives with you. We want to see you laugh like there is no tomorrow and cry with joy (I will cry together with you for sure!). Bottomline - we love our jobs. We don't do this to survive. Sure, it pays for my triathlon training, and if I don't do your job, perhaps, I do one race less. Big deal. Always remember that.

Like I said, weddings are meant to be beautiful. You want blessings from loved ones, family, friends and all those who know you and share your day. Another secret - vendors do complain and do bitch about unreasonable and crazy clients. We are professionals and we smile and perform and make sure you have a great wedding and we may not bitch out loud and neither will we bitch to other people about it, but when we get back to the office, amongst ourselves, we might bitch, we might swear, we might curse. It is only natural simply because we need to release our frustrations too. We are after all, only humans. Do you want blessings or curses on your wedding day?

Because weddings are meant to be beautiful and the memory of that wedding day is meant to carry your love through for the rest of your lives together. When all your guests and all those who have worked on your wedding share the same joy and laughter, it is a truly, truly remarkable experience. Everytime you think about your wedding, you smile - even on the toughest, bleakest day. I say this because this is my experience with my own wedding. Let the small things slide and enjoy the day. Because perspective-wise - I think it is more important to have the right man standing next to me when exchanging my vows instead of worrying about the damn glasses being set on the table in a perfectly straight line.

I would have happily traipsed down the aisle even if I had a hole in my gown (would've still prefered the sarong though :P) simply because I was walking towards the man I truly love. This is what a wedding is to me. What about you?

Lighters

I am one who collects song lyrics. I have a very large collection of lyrics simply because I love words. I wish I could write songs too. But I don't think I'm creative enough. I think songs can really lift your spirits sometimes, particularly when the lyrics hold meaning.

I am a huge fan of Eminem eversince his Slim Shady LP - and not forgetting "Stan", his most critically-acclaimed song. I feel the pent-up anger in his lyrics. But his tunes and rap are good. Bloody good. And don't you think he is genius with his words and rhyme? Though he says he "shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap." More recently, his lyrics after his "come-back" (Recovery) had been more angry-inspirational, if you know what I mean. It fires you up.

I was a little down yesterday. Ok, maybe for the past couple of weeks due to so many reasons. I guess, yesterday had been a built-up. I felt defeated and deflated - for the first time, in a long time, after staying positive, I nearly let myself spiralled back to "glass EMPTY".

And then, I heard Eminem (Bad Meets Evil) on my iPod (thank you for downloading the song for me, Love!).

Lighters
Bad Meets Evil ft. Bruno Mars

[Bruno Mars:]
This one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[Eminem:]
By the time you hear this I will have already spiralled up
I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up
If I was you, I would duck, or get struck like lightening,
Fighters keep fighting, put your lighters up, point em' skyward uh
Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king...
This rap game's nipple is mine for the milking,
Till nobody else even fucking feels me, till' it kills me
I swear to god I'll be the fucking illest in this music
There is or there ever will be, disagree?
Feel free, but from now on I'm refusing to ever give up
The only thing I ever gave up's using no more excuses
Excuse me if my head is too big for this building
And pardon me if I'm a cocky prick but you cocks are slick
Poppin shit on how you flipped ya life around, crock-o-shit
Who you dicks try to kid, flipped dick, you did the opposite
You stayed the same, cause cock backwards is still cock you pricks
I love it when I tell em shove it
Cause it wasn't that long ago when Marshall sat, flustered, lack lustered
Cause he couldn't cut mustard, muster up nothing
Brain fuzzy, cause he's buzzin', woke up from that buzz
Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn't cause he had buzzards circlin' around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it, cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, scuzzes, fuck it, guess it doesn't matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
That this ain't some bullshit
People don't usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic's raise cause I came with 5'9′ but I feel like I'm 6'8″

[Bruno Mars:]
This one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[Royce Da 5'9":]
By the time you hear this I'll probably already be outtie
I advance like going from toting iron to going and buying 4 or 5 of the homies the iron man Audi
My daddy told me slow down, boy, you goin to blow it
And I ain't gotta stop the beat a minute
To tell Shady I love him the same way that he did Dr Dre on the Chronic
Tell him how real he is or how high I am
Or how I would kill for him for him to know it
I cried plenty tears, my daddy got a bad back
So it's only right that I write till he can march right into that post office and tell em to hang it up
Now his career's Lebron's jersey in 20 years
I'll stop when I'm at the very top
You shitted on me on your way up
It's 'bout to be a scary drop
Cause what goes up must come down
You going down on something you don't wanna see like a hairy box
Every hour, happy hour now
Life is wacky now
Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy
Now I'm just the cats meooww, ow
Classic cow, always down for the catch weight like Pacquiao
Ya'll are doomed
I remember when T-Pain ain't wanna work with me
My car starts itself, parks itself and autotunes
Cause now I'm in the Aston
I went from having my city locked up
To getting treated like Kwame Kilpatrick
And now I'm fantastic
Compared to a weed high
And y'all niggas just gossipin' like bitches on a radio and TV
See me, we fly
Y'all buggin out like Wendy Williams staring at a bee-hive
And how real is that
I remember signing my first deal and now I'm the second best I can deal with that
Now Bruno can show his ass, without the MTV awards gag

[Bruno Mars:]
You and I know what it's like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we're alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine
Cause this one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

Particularly the last bit......
And just like that, I am inspired to "hold up my light, let it shine" .

Thank you for the song. Thank you for the lyrics Marshall !

* lyrics pulled from AZlyrics.com
* image from Eminemrx.com  

Battambang : The Real Cambodia

Fallen in love with the charms of Battambang

When MOH decided to whisk me away on a trip to Battambang over the Pchum Ben holidays, I was not the wee bit excited, actually. For one, I thought perhaps the long break would be a good time to get out of Cambodia (think flight home :P). Secondly, I wasn't too keen on breaking my work momentum as things were getting a little crazy busy for me. But the day arrived and like my China trip, I told myself, let's go with an open-mind.

I was glad MOH made the choice though, for I fell in love with this little "lost" province of Cambodia. The 5 hour journey in torrential rains and floods was well worth it for when I arrived, I was totally caught by the 'old world charms' the city oozes. Of course, first of all, the hotel in which MOH booked us in was super beautiful. Bambu Hotel is a boutique hotel nestled in a colonial-style mansion. After checking-in (and oohing-ah-ing about the size of the bathroom), we immediately set out for town to satisfy our hunger.

The town was small and easily managed on foot. Braving the rains, we made our way to Khmer Delight for lunch. The food was good, and after lunch, we explored the town. The town reminded me of so many of the places that I love - Luang Prabang, Hoi An, Seremban, Melaka, Tanjung Tualang..... and I love all the colonial architecture of the buildings here. The best part was - the entire place was clean! No urine smell permeating the air. In fact, throughout the trip, I saw not a single soul peeing on the streets. No rubbish and muck everywhere. Even though it rained and flooded, rubbish wasn't floating about. The roads were wide and the parks were simply gorgeous. I was beginning to wonder - what happened to Phnom Penh? MOH theorized it to be the fact that in PP, all the people came from the provinces such as Battambang and they don't call it their home. As such, they have no qualms dirtying the place and peeing all over. Over time, PP is one huge pile of.... dirt. Truly very sad. I remember 10 years ago in PP, it still had its charms.

Anyway, with the map from the hotel, we walked and walked and explored the markets as well. I told myself, I wasn't living in Cambodia. I am a tourist in Battambang :) There were lots of interesting discoveries - one being the fact that Chinese roots seem to be prevalent here in Battambang. On the map, there was this "San Long Sugarless Bread Bakery" and I was so curious about it that we went on a hunt for it. With the rain stopped, the weather was perfect for a 'treasure hunt' in town on foot :) When we finally found the place, I couldn't stop laughing at the really interesting POP they used at the front. Well, I was all too happy to have found the place because they have old-fashioned carrot cake and the Chinese Kong Sou Peng that were to-die-for. I went back the next day to stock up. Haha!

Not only was I taken in by the sights and the buildings, I was taken in by the Khmer warmth too. The Battambang folks seem to exude a sincerity about them - which one may be hard pressed to find in da Penh. I'm not saying PP is so bad and I meet kind people everyday here too. But I guess the lifestyle in Battambang was different and laid-back. In fact, I think everyone knows everyone here in town simply because there were no name of streets. The streets were identified as Street 1, 2, 3.... I wonder how the postman looked for addresses!

As we walked, I began to notice again - that Khmer trait of staring..... I guess, it isn't often that they see a girl in shorts and singlet with tattoos all over her. The folks in da Penh are used to me by now (hahaha) but here in Battambang, I am strange to them. We seemed to be the only Asian tourists in town. I think that whilst they find the gwai los strange, it is a given. But they find us Asians stranger still, especially when we gawk at chickens being grilled on the roadside same as what the gwai los are doing and snap photos of outdoor cooking - because to them, it's strange that as an Asian - you are still getting excited about these things! I bet in their minds, they are saying "Never see before is it?!" But of course, this is just my theory to the staring *smile*.

We had a really enjoyable walk in town and along the riverside and later in the evening, we went over to the food stalls market to see if we can score some local delights. Weather was gloomy again and right after I bought my "Grilled Special Eggs", (I really like this snack and have had it before in Sihanoukville but never got around to it when in PP...) it poured cats and dogs. We made our way in the rain to Gecko Cafe for dinner. This is one of those community service joint to create a self-sustaining environment for the locals to fend for themselves. MOH and I make it a point to support these type of outfits whenever and wherever we travel. Dinner was really good too and after dinner, we called it a night since it was a long journey today and MOH said his legs were cramping up due to too much walking (it was the start of him harrassing me about getting massages!).

I was already falling in love with Battambang on day one itself. I would so hate to leave when the time comes!

The next day, I woke up bright and early to a perfectly sunny day! Super awesome indeed for we planned to go for the Norry ride - the Bamboo Trains of Cambodia. We heard that they may ban these trains soon and thus, I was adamant to catch it while it was still around - rain, shine or snow. But luckily, it was shine :) It was a grand experience. I say grand because it was a totally new experience and a very interesting one indeed. If you read the link above about these bamboo trains, you will know why the experience was bloody interesting. Especially when the problem of on-coming traffic was easily solved via disassembling the trains off the rails. LOL! We tipped the driver extra for this because on the way back, he had to do this disassembling thing about 5 times. Back-breaking, I assumed. I had a great time at the countryside too, chatting with the locals - who spoke great English, by the way. I was truly impressed. Sure, perhaps, some of these stalls were tourist traps as they try to sell you straw hats and the Khmer kromas..... but at 3,000 riels per hat, I wasn't keen on bargaining, I didn't think it was a trap in any way and we bought two of those straw hats. Not because we needed them, but.... you know, they were just trying to make a living after all. (Some say my kindness will backfire on me one day, but I'd like to think otherwise!)

The Norry was so fun, I wanted to go on it again. But then again, at USD10 per ride and with the driver having to do the arduous task (as it got busier, I can only assume that per journey, the driver possibly does maybe 10 times of the carry-up-carry-down of the train job), we thought going into town for our fruit shakes would be a better idea.

On board the Norry :)

White Rose Restaurant was well-known for its myriad of fruit shakes - any flavour you can conjure - as long as the fruit was in season, you'd get your shake. This was so typically Vietnamese, though. I am reminded of my favourite fruit shakes while living in Vietnam. Anyway, we had lunch here too before heading back to the hotel for the pool there beckoned.

Later in the evening, we walked to Nary's Kitchen for dinner. She was known to serve the best Fish Amok in Cambodia and for us - this is a call to "must-try". It was good, doubtless. And because there was not much else to do except mini-market shopping (the shops here stock up on a lot of Thai products due to the close proximity to the Thai border) it was back to the hotel early for another good night's rest.

The next day was the start of the Pchum Ben (Cambodian Cheng Beng)... and I thought it was apt to make today a day we visited temples and prayed. There were a few temples in town, each with its own history and Angkor Wat resemblance. The temples were crowded but not overly and we finally settled to pray at Wat Sangker just off the Hen Sen bridge. It was another really hot day but inside the temples, it was cooling. I was in awe of the wall and ceiling murals of Wat Sangker. They were done really well. There was a monk and a caretaker in one of the buildings who invited us in to pray. He even gestured for us to kneel down to say our prayers. And so, I did. And as always, I prayed for all good things for all my family, loved ones and friends. The key being - to have unwavering faith :)

Oh, did I mention that MOH rented bikes for us today? Not mountain bikes. But the grandpapa-type bikes with no gear, a basket and a bell that goes ring-ring-ring! It was hilarious but I had actually loved the bike. No, I was actually very taken in by the bell. I couldn't stop playing with it! LOL! After the temples, we cycled around town before relaxing back at the pool. And then we cycled out into town again for our lunch at the Smokin' Pot. The menu was a riot indeed. The place is totally worth checking out, if not for the food, for a good laugh reading the menu. :) We had one order of the Pork Lok Lak here - finally, I could try the Lok Lak in a non-beef way..... and then we found this Chinese shop opposite the Smokin' Pot and went over there for our second lunch. The Chinese noodles were the best ever, really. And I am a noodle person, ok! I wish there was room in my stomach for more because one bowl just wan't enough! (And the next day, everyone was officially closed for the real Pchum Ben ceremonies).

After lunch, MOH went for his massage while I relaxed back at the pool. I was already excited about the night's programme - we were going to go to the circus! Yay! I haven't been to a circus in ages and eversince Enid Blyton's Mr. Galliano's Circus and the entire circus collection, I had always loved a good circus show - with the big top and the popcorns and candy floss. Oh, and the trapeze artists and elephants and lions that roar. So, I was rightfully excited about the Phare Ponleu Selpak troupe. I had seen them perform before in da Penh but that was just like a five minute performance and on another occassion - a street parade. But here - here was in the big top and all! Ok, admittedly, it wasn't a real, real circus. A big top, yes. But no animal shows, no trapeze, no popcorn and no candy floss. BUT - I still gave a bloody big round of applause because PPS is yet another NGO outfit that helps children and youth self-sustain in the community through education and arts. I'd say any outfit that helps children and youth help themselves is high on my "To Support" list. Maybe I could move to Battambang and volunteer with PPS :) In actual fact, it made me reflect on my voluntary work with the orphanage. On how little I am doing and how small my effort was as compared to these people who are truly helping in such a big way too. ........ (pondering what can I do to improve the lives of the children at Happy Tree.....)

After the show and all, we made our way to town for dinner. Town was deserted and quiet since everyone's closed for the Pchum Ben - or getting ready to close for the official ceremonies the next day. We had not much choice but to settle for White Rose again for dinner. Still, not a bad choice. Great food :)

On our final day...... the skies were crying on my behalf too. It started raining again. We had 2 great weather days and just before we leave, it rains again. Oh, that certainly didn't stop us from donning our raincoats and cycling into town for one last time. I just wanted to play with the bell :) Not much was happening in town because most everything was closed, except for some fruit stalls and sundry shops. We did stop at an old Chinese temple to have a quick look and a quick prayer too. Again, the caretaker was very kind and spoke to us in Mandarin. But alas, I could hardly pick out what he said because he was mumbling. With the rain not letting up, we made our way back to the hotel.........

And then it was time to say bye-bye........ to a piece of Cambodia that I had fallen in love with.

Dinner with Cambodian MasterChef Luu Meng

With Cambodian MasterChef Luu Meng

Everytime I sit down for dinner with Luu Meng, I am not only humbled, but I am inspired by this man. I had previously written about my dinner with Luu Meng before here. And today, I have yet another story to tell.

Last week, I met up with Luu Meng at one of his restaurants in town - the new Yi Sang on the riverside. Needless to say, Yi Sang at the Almond Hotel (also owned by none other than the man himself) is one of the best Chinese restaurants in town. The one on the riverside serves dim sums and lighter meals as it also functions as a Tourist Information Centre (again, managed by none other than the man himself).

Always the gracious host, Luu Meng ordered too much food! Later, when he told me that his family hailed from Guangzhou, China, I understood. In my last trip to China, I learnt that in the southern parts of China, you are deemed a good host when you 'over-feed' your guests. The culture changes as you travel to different parts of China.

Anyway, yes, over baskets and baskets of dim sums, I caught up with the busy, busy, busy man. What I've always admired about Luu Meng and I respect him for it is how humble he is as a person. We got to talking about his involvement with the ATF, his various restaurants and hotel businesses and I am excited to know that there is a great franchise that he is bringing into Cambodia (of which I am not at liberty to disclose at this point).

And it was here that he spoke about the failure of Studio 182. Although he did not go very much into details about why the venture closed, he spoke about it with jest and without shame. I remembered his words : "That was a very, very big lesson for me, for all of us because we spent so much energy in that business." To sum it up, closing Studio 182 was a wise decision and instead of crying over spilt milk and spent-energies, he moved on to other greater things. Learning to accept when something is doomed, learning to learn from it and embrace it with grace and using all the learnings to move on and ahead - I think sitting down with Luu Meng, this is a great reminder for me as well. I hate failures. Of course, I have failed before and I have learnt from it. But still, sometimes, I think in my blindness of trying so hard not to fail, I refuse to accept when something is doomed. Luu Meng said "If you succeed all the time, how can you learn?" Again - true. Again, I know. But I guess, once in awhile, we just need to be reminded that it is OK to fall. Get up and move on.

I have some serious streamlining to plan for my businesses the coming year..... indeed. But I am actually excited. I'm not going to look at it as a 'red mark' on my report card. In fact, it is about the adventure, yes?

Our conversations moved on to less serious stuff, like Gordon Ramsey and his constant yelling and TV chefs (since yours truly is an ardent fan of all cooking shows), to which Luu Meng agreed that in a real kitchen, no staff will stay to work if they were constantly being yelled at like that. Well, at least he agreed with me. *laugh* By the way, Ramsey apparently lost one of his Michelin stars! I never knew that could happen. Well, there you go. You learn something new everyday.

Another thing I admire about Luu Meng is the fact that despite his numerous businesses, meetings and what-nots, he still makes it a point to cook once a week. This is to facilitate new menu creation for his restaurants and to bond with his crew. He goes to the market with them to get fresh produce, meat, fish (he's not happy about a fish issue, but I shall leave this to another reporter to write *smile*) and etc. He is still very passionate about cooking. One day, I hope to see him at work in the kitchen. I'm sure it'll be as inspiring even as it is as educational.

Dinner ended with plenty of leftovers - to which Luu Meng arranged for them to be packed for me to take home with me. The Chinese say "Also eat, also take"..... Malu-nya! So, once again, unashamedly, I told Luu Meng that the next time I am cooking at home, I shall invite him and his wife over.

Before that can happen, I need to make sure I perfect ONE dish at least for I know Chef Luu Meng's tastebuds are of superior standards. Till then, I shall just enjoy eating at his restaurants. Thank you again for dinner, Luu Meng!

p/s : I was so engrossed in my conversation with Luu Meng that once again, I forgot to take photos of the food!!