In a flash of a flash, it is almost time to bid farewell to 2011. When they say time flies, they weren't kidding. And the end of the year would mark my full year of embracing a new positive attitude, glass-full and all..... For those who just stepped in, do read Part 1 & Part 2 of my Eating, Praying & Loving journey :)
Well, the year wasn't without its ups and downs for me. And definitely not short of dramas either. What with broken partnerships, crazeeee clients, set-backs after set-backs, and busting my knees too. There had been times that were really challenging, tearful times when I saw my glass bloody half-empty - again! In fact, my whole training regime took a dive because even as I pushed, my timing was getting slower and slower and my body was constantly coming up with pain at places I didn't know existed! And I just felt like the powers out there were really rocking my boat. I remembered a chat I was having with my Mom over G-Talk and I told her "Whoever I am praying to, they have abandoned me!!"
I learnt to have unwavering faith. OMG! Who knew that keeping faith was so bloody hard? But I preservered. I chose to "spiral up" (as Eminem says) instead of spiralling down. Why choose your glass half-empty when you can choose to see it as half-full, right? Hard as it may be some days, many days, especially during PMS :P, I soldiered on. And I continued praying. 31st December 2011 would also mark 402 days of me praying. I am keeping faith indeed :)
2011 had been a rather interesting journey for me actually. There had been several learning curves, both on the work and business front as well as on the personal front. But eversince I tried to synchronize my mind and my heartbeats with that of the Universe, I have been presented with "signs" and "words of wisdoms" that seemed to be really useful at times. I'm not really sure how this works. It could be the fact that I am no longer "blinded" by my negativities that I see the signs around me or it could really be the miracles of the universe at work. Who knows.
The last few months were actually the most trying. But why focus on the crap of 2011, right? :) When things were not going according to plan and in fact, there are many things still up in the air for me right now, my best friend said this to me : "Why don't you just go with the flow and enjoy the adventure?" Yes, agreed. I just hope she forgives me when I once again do a no-show in NZ to see her and new-born baby girl..... (Honest! I was THIS close to booking the tickets!!) At the end of the day, I think a lot of things happen for a reason. Whether the reason is simply just a learning experience, or aligning you towards your future..... they're all reasons.
A 'gang' of us were talking about regrets recently. Of course, I have regrets. So many. For one - I should've taken up criminal studies more seriously instead of the glam world of advertising. Two - I should've taken up competitive sports more seriously when I was in school instead of seeing it as free periods meant for playing. That is just to name a couple. BUT - as I said, I think things happen for a reason. Why am I here? Why am I not there? What made me make this decision? Was it wrong? Was it right? Or was the decision leading to something I did not know? - are you still following me right now? :) End of the day, what is the use of crying over spilt milk? I am not part of the BAU. I'll live with that :P I'll just engage in my fantasies watching Criminal Minds / CSI on TV. And who's to say, I would be happy doing criminal forensics as my career? Right? Right? Right.
Having done away with dwelling in my "regrets", I have learnt to accept failure as a grand learning experience. Just because something didn't work out, it does not mean I am blacklisted for life. All I need to know is that I gave it my best effort. And it didn't work out because there are bigger things out there waiting for me. It's just the way the universe aligns itself apparently. And with that too - I've come to a high point in my life where I feel I no longer need or want to prove anything to anyone. I don't need to be driving around in a Lexus to show people I am successful. In fact, I go around town riding pillion on a Honda kap-chai on weekends here. I used to feel 'embarassed', and I think "OMG, I don't want clients seeing me on this beaten-down motodop!!" But you know what? Clients hire us for our brains. Not for the cars we drive or the expensive bags we carry or whatever. Like I said, at the end of the day, people are free to say and think what they like. I don't have to prove to anyone that I am wherever I am. And it feeeeels grrreeeeat !! :) *and cue song : Lighters by Bad Meets Evil :)
I've had a fair few really great and nice clients this year and also a handful of - "crazeees" for my wedding business. I think the 'crazees' were there for a reason. What was the reason? Do, read on. I guess, the final straw was when a client wanted a free-tasting session for USD8 champagnes (I'll never let this go) and there they sat, opening bottles after bottles of "affordable" champagnes and commenting about bubbles and textures and taste. Now, see, I am not a connoisseur of champagnes, but even I know what to expect from bloody USD8 champers. I was praying so hard for the strength to not pour the bottle of champagne down their heads. I wanted to scream "You stupid bi-a-tch! There are people with no food and you are here bitching about USD8 champagnes??!" Whilst I kept my cool and professionalism (and damn proud of it), I couldn't sleep that night because I was raging internally. And therefore, my belief that money doesn't buy us happiness had been reinforced.
On the other hand, together with my local team, I've taken on more "charitable" work stuff, mostly for those which causes I support. The latest being the MTV Exit Campaign which fights human trafficking in this region. I remember the first meeting with World Vision and all involved, when we were presented with the harsh truth about human trafficking, I was.... shocked, appalled and ashamed. So, just like that - I decided on doing the job even if there was no profit to be made. And here's the catch - these "free work" that I do - so enjoyable! It gives me a buzz even though I'm poorer !! It gives me new experiences and also new learning curves for my local team too. Although, poor local team of mind - it's Hell's Kitchen everyday for them as well. LOL! New Year's resolution - I promise to try to be more patient and less Gordon Ramsey-like with them. Truth is, they ARE a good team. But things are just harder in Cambodia. Period.
Anyway, as such, whilst there are still a few things that are up-in-the-air for me (and I am still learning to let it be and not worry about it), I have made a partial decision to scale back on my time spent on work / business stuff and I am increasing my personal time spent on voluntary work for the new year. To start with, I am going to be more involved with the kids at the orphanage and will be planning music lessons, English lesson, fitness lessons, art lessons and other recreational activities for them. Apparently, recreational activities are good for children who are HIV+. Where I am unable to teach (like art - because I cannot draw to save my life), I will try to enlist help from other kind-hearted souls. For the elder kids, I will be sitting down with them to talk about their future as well. Bottomline is - I am going to do ALL I CAN to make things happen for them and help them become inspiring people. With the blessings from all the powers out there, I'll pull through and I'll pull them through. Of course, I am looking for guidance from the staff at the orphanage as well as this is a totally new area for me. And you know what they say about laws of attraction? I am attracting so many kind-hearted people! To all of you who have helped me helped these kids - they are great kids - I am truly grateful. To my NS team back in KL - thank you for your support too :)
On the flight back from KL recently, I had the 'good luck' of sitting surrounded by Cambodian maids returning to Cambodia. One of them was in tears and relating her story of hardship as a maid in Malaysia. I tried not to eavesdrop, but since I can comprehend the language a little, I couldn't help it. I felt really sorry for her. Looking back, I've really had a privileged life. Nope, I didn't have maids or nannies or chauffeurs. I walked to school and we had to wash our own uniforms and help with the household chores, etc. But my middle-class parents have struggled to provide for my brother and I and I wasn't shipped away for economic reasons to god-forsaken countries to be maids or whatever else people are trafficked for. In fact, I've had piano lessons, taekwondo lessons, I went to the Outward Bound School, and if not for the rotan-rotan-rotan for every 'A' that I did not produce in my report card, I don't think I would be where I am today. Again, as with all families, we've had our dramas and I've had my teenage rebellion spell too (running away and all, hahahha!). But I am thankful for the upbringing I had. We're not rich, but we're rich in so many other ways. And because I have led such a privileged life, I think it's high time I helped those who need it. I have also set my sights on several other NGOs supporting the vulnerable groups and have made appointments to see them soon. I am humbled to think that in this instance - these NGOs will consider whether I am suited for the voluntary work and it's not about me just saying yes, I'll do it. In fact, wherever I may be, Timbaktoo for all I care, this is my plan. THIS IS my next step.
As for paying clients,...... I will check whether our hearts are beating in synch or not before I sign on the dotted line :P I am good at my job. No, I am DAMN GOOD at my job. But I don't think I want to feel miserable doing the work. I don't want to do a half-ass job for the client just because I'm frustrated or my heart's not in it (and our hearts are not beating as one :P) or I am forced to be calculative with the clients. I will give clients a great event or a great wedding - provided they give me a great planning experience in return. Money? Let's make it worth both our whiles. Fair deal, I say.
I may see a dip in my income..... BUT..... I know I will always have food on my table, clothes on my back and roofs over my head. A friend posted this on her FB status a couple weeks ago : -
"The more I give away to others - my possessions, my money, my time, myself - the more fulfilled I am and the less I lack because there is always, ALWAYS, Divine Providence. Sometimes it's just what I need, but mostly it's over and above."
... and when I read that, I was like "BINGO!" Something clicked! See, what did I tell you about reading signs? All these signs are flashing in front of my face everywhere I looked, be it on FB, on TV, or simply a banner across the street. Used to be, they zoomed right past me. But now, I see them. I see them all!
I have new clothes all the way till CNY 2030 - (private joke only a few are privy of. LOL!). If you look through my photos - I am someone who don't have a large range of wardrobe. I can wear the same stuff over and over again every week and it doesn't bother me. MasterChef MOH will always know what to do with spicing up my meals - leftovers or not. And come what may, I know I have a room back in my parents' home. So, therefore, I'm grand :) Over and above that, I am truly blessed with so much love in my life. And laughter too :) I am thankful for the dosage of laughter MOH provides me everyday :)
"You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings. Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings. Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere."
As I usher into the new year, full of anticipation and a sense of adventure (hopefully, I'll also regain my racing fitness and sign up for another tri-race soon), I promise that I will continue Eating, Praying and Loving well into 2012.
So,...... to ALL - have a blast on New Year's Day! Happy 2012! May it be Money Come! Money Come! and All Good Things Come too! :)
p/s : For my friends, or anyone for that matter, who may have had a rough ride in 2011, it's time you buckled up. 2012 is going to be a super-awesome ride!
