Our 11th Year... Amidst A Global Pandemic

2008 vs 2020

 And the year just flew by as usual. I was actually trying to recall if I actually wrote a blog every year for our wedding anniversary and I even managed to convince myself that I didn’t. I wrote one for my work anniversary. Then I checked my cobweb-filled blog (to be honest, 2020 hasn’t been such a cobwebby year for my blog!) and found that I actually DO write an anniversary post every year! So here it is then. 

The time did fly by for us as a couple too and from our 10^th year to the 11^th year… what changed? Nothing much really. We’ve both got new roles / jobs for work. And oh, have I not already mentioned we’re in the middle of a historical pandemic? We’ve been cut-off from seeing our families but the consolation and blessing here is that we have each other to rely on. 

As the world is going crazy around us, so too has the workload and we have come to an even deeper understanding that our time off from the world is pretty sacred. The weekends are like our “cave time”. We try our utmost best to understand each other and live with each other. I guess the one thing that is most important for us is we want peace and peace of mind. Our “cave” is to be filled only with laughter. Oh, yes, and love. Lots of love. On days where it is annoyingly boring, we annoy each other. We've just grown to annoy each other as much as possible. Me more than him 😈 😈 😈 

There is this uniquely synchronized understanding that we have, I believe. We seldom talk to “iron” things out cos there doesn’t seem to be anything to iron out (except his own clothes LMAO!!) It’s like a very seamless and effortless understanding, an almost automatic characteristic to our relationship. Are we THAT boring? LOL. 

I have been grieving for the longest time and still is, for my beloved Ah Por. My husband, a man of few words, (because he doesn’t know the right words to say and would prefer not to say it for fear of repercussions LOL), just understands me, and my “strange behaviours” and he gives me my space and takes care of me in his own ways. It may not be about tenderness or sweetness, but it’s just his way of taking care of me. I wrote about this just last week - there was one time, he accidentally triggered open the floodgates while we were right in the middle of grocery shopping. He said my poor Stinky is torn and if it doesn’t get fixed, would need to be thrown out soon. I think that’s when he realized Stinky was an absolutely sensitive subject and not to be made fun of because Ah Por made Stinky for me! The very next day, he sewed Stinky up for me and even wrapped him with additional layers to keep him protected. That’s what I meant by it’s not about the sweet-nothings. It’s doing things that matters. 

I’ve been packing a TLC lunch pack for him to take to work every day too ever since the pandemic started. I get up earlier than usual to get this prepped up and ready to go. I wonder if I will finally get my “Wife Of The Year” Award soon. 😏 😏 😏 Well, the honest truth is, I don’t mind doing it. I don’t exactly enjoy it (you know me, #HousewifeFail ) but I don’t mind it. And he doesn’t say it – but I know he appreciates it. Anyway, if he complains, I’d stuff it all up his ass 🤣 🤣 🤣 In general, I guess, we always choose a path where we aren’t fighting with each other. At times like these, why fight with each other? We should be uniting so that we can combat it all. I guess that it also why we have an automatic understanding - it makes no sense to fight each other. It makes more sense to stand united to fight the battles that we each go through daily, be it at work or personally. 

A friend of mine recently sent us a photo of us doing the Shape Run back in 2008. This was before we even got married. I guess fit then, fit now 😊😊😊I’m putting the pix with us side-by side to look at our difference after 12 years. I’d like to think we look as young as we were before. But our mentalities and especially our bodies sometimes sure as hell don’t feel it. The term “grow old with you” comes to my mind. In terms of mentality, I guess, there is a certain maturity to where we are right now as well. Like I said - we don't sweat the small stuff. We don't nag, we don't complain endlessly. 

I really do think we are a pretty boring couple. Honestly. We do our fit training, we work, we clean the house, we spend quiet time in our cave and that’s about it. On weekends, we do the usual grocery shopping and food stops and then we climb back into our cave. At home, we have our sanctuary time, we don’t even need to talk to each other. We have a once-a-week unload session on Friday date nights where we just bitch about stuff. Other than that, we just do our thing. I cook, he washes. I sweep, he mops. I spank his tushie, he tries to remove my pants. LOLOL! No need to talk. LOL!! The DBW told me in my recent lunch with her : “You and Richard are really a perfect match!” I guess, in a way, I’m glad we are. Can you imagine I want to stay home and he wants to party all the time? It’ll be a nightmare! LOLOL!!! 

These are up on my FB and IG already but I’d like to post these on my blog too, to commemorate our 11^th year together. A long time agency friend of mine kindly drew these out for me as a gift. Well, I owe Lam Chop a longyi. I have been an avid follower of his comics and very thankful that he had agreed to help do this. (His other comics can be found here!!) 



 
 
   
   
  

So, I asked for these comics done for this year's anniversary cos they hilariously sum up, well, at least on my part, how I see our relationship, from my eyes and my point-of-view. Maybe MOH could share his POV soon? Since we do have a 3^rd September (Civil Registration), 5^th September (Kampung Wedding) and 12^th September (KL Wedding) more to celebrate 😊😊😊 Every year, we have the same conversation - where are all my presents? Should be 5 in total, including my birthday and he would say it's all-in-one-present. And that present is him. Then he gets a slap and I would threaten to lock him out of the house. Every year. Told you we are super boring people. LOL! 

To my best friend, my soulmate, my training partner, my partner-in-farts...... cheers to 11 years of marriage (and 12 years legal!!!) and I'm just blessed and thankful that we have #MeAndYouJustUsTwo
😍😍😍

Another Letter To Heaven

 

Dearest Ah Por, 

It’s been a year since you left us. And here I am, finally plucking up the courage to have my first conversation with you. It’s been tough for me to overcome my grief. I get triggered and it opens up the floodgates and it’s not something I like doing. I thought as the time passed by, it’ll get better. It doesn’t actually. I just keep finding ways to cope with it. I know me so well. Anyway, I’ve put this off long enough so here I am.

You know, I really had to psyche myself up to put all I want to tell you in words. And now I am already choking back my tears. I know what you will say. You will say “Lei sor ka? No need to cry! Sei ting nga yee!” LOL. Over the last one year, I keep having flashbacks of the final week I spent with you at the hospital. The pain you went through and the helplessness I felt. What I do is more often than not, I push those images away and shift my mind to something else. But occasionally, I succumb because I am only human. I wish you were actually here to comfort me and tell me that week is long gone and everything is better now. The one thing that I cannot withstand is really that night when you asked me for a cup of your favourite tea and because you were on tube-feeding, you can’t have tea and you told me “I can’t even have a cup of tea?” That killed me you know. But I also remembered that there was a morning where you were a bit more alert and you told me that I looked so pretty. I am always pretty, isn’t it? 😊

Ah Por, the world has gone crazy after you left. There’s this virus going around. I had been cracking my head thinking – wow, if you were still around, how do I explain this strange situation to you. We are at a time now where touching and hugging causes harm. You remember how you used to shoo me away from you if you were feeling a little ill cos you were afraid you might pass your germs to me? Well, this is kinda like that. We have to be 6ft (I don’t even know what is 6ft in Chinese!!) apart from each other and stuff. Yes, the world is ‘chee seen’ now. In a way, I am so glad you and Ah Kung, Por Por and Kung Kung are all not here to experience this craziness. I even initially thought the world was coming to an end! LOLOL! The airports here in Myanmar and in Malaysia are closed so I haven’t been able to fly home to see Mama and Papa. I feel so trapped actually. The worse thing right now is to be away from family. But what can we do? Right now, the strange situation is such that if I went home, I run the risk of spreading this virus to Mama and Papa. Yes, yes, I pray every night for them to be safe and sound. That’s my only prayer these days.

Because of this situation, and with nowhere to go also, the workload has piled up so I focus a lot on my work. Of course there are unpleasant people who say unpleasant things. I know too what you will say : “Why you care what other people say? You just do your job. And you know something Ah Por? Recently, one of these bad people had a really bad outcome happen to them. And I realized what you said before was so on point. That we don’t need to bother what others say or do. They will all one day come to be exposed. At first, I thought when I heard the news about that bad person, I would be happy. I wasn’t. In fact, I didn’t feel anything. But the first thing that came to my mind was your precious words. And literally I felt – we must always be a good person otherwise, we will get our karma somehow. And you also always told me : Don’t steal. Don’t cheat. Don’t be lazy.” Never all of my life, Ah Por. I am lazy only when it comes to household chores. LOLOL!!! But you know something???? Even this laziness has gone!!! Hah! Can you believe it? Can you see me from heaven everyday cleaning and cleaning and cleaning the house? I swear to God my house is as sanitized as the ICU at the hospital !!! I’ve never been so obsessed about cleaning before! ANDDDDDDD you know what else???? I even pack home-cooked breakfast and lunch for my husband to take to work ok!!! Hah! You cannot say I am lazy as a wife again. Good thing is my husband is not so fussy with food. He eats whatever I pack for him. Because I told him if he doesn’t eat, I will stuff it all up his ass and he can cook his own meals! Hahahahahahahahahha!! Oh well, Ah Por, I am still the same ‘samseng’ you love. 😊 Well, he does help me to clean the house. But just that he doesn’t clean it the way I want it to be cleaned. Last time Mama and Papa used to scold me and pull my ears to say I sweep and mop as if I am writing Chinese calligraphy on the floor. Well, wait till they see my husband sweep and mop !! But nevermind, as long as he is helping, I will shut up.

I know even back then you were always worried about our relationship cos I was always coming home to see you. Don’t worry Ah Por. We’re really good. And in a week’s time, we will be celebrating our 11^th year as a married couple! It’s a long time to be married! Last year, we didn’t celebrate anything. Not even my birthday at the end of August. This year I kinda feel the same. Cos your passing fell right very close to these 2 dates. August used to be my fave month. I can kinda hear you. You told me before, (again, not before you scolded me with “sei choon”) …. That I shouldn’t worry or bother too much about the old and celebrate life and do what young people do. Well, let’s see about the celebrating this year, Ah Por. For me, I just really wanna go home. ☹

Nope, still no kids. I know last time, you always wished I had kids because they will keep me busy. That by starting my own family, I would be more focused that way. Well…….. I dunno whatever you or whoever say, I am so thankful I made the decision not to have kids! Yes, now I will finally tell you the truth – it was a choice to not have kids. Although I think you already knew that cos you are too smart. Remember all those times you kept asking me to go see a doctor on why I couldn’t have kids and I used to say that it was my husband’s problem that we couldn’t have kids? Yup, just threw him under the bus all those times! Hahahahahha! Thinking back, those times were quite funny. LOLOL! Anyway, I wouldn’t have made a good Mom. My husband said I would be such a ‘samseng’ Mom. I would be shouting at the restaurant to my kid “You better eat or else I will stuff it all up your ass!!” Hahahahahahahahahhahaha! So, he’s quite thankful that we made this decision not to have kids. Hahahahaahhaahhahaa!!

Ernie’s two kids are growing up very well. You would know that they are both super smart and adorable. Right now, they have no school – as I mentioned, it is because of the strange virus situation. In fact, over in Australia, they are being lockdowned again. I don’t know how to explain this to you. If you were right here, I would tell you – they are in home jail. They can’t go anywhere except to buy food. Yeah, that is the situation of the world now in most countries. Except Myanmar though. For some reason, the virus is not so crazy here so mostly, everything is as per normal in Myanmar. In Malaysia too it just recently got normal with some rules and guidelines. Before that, Mama and Papa were also in home-jail. We keep in touch, all of us on video call every week. So the two old folks get to see their grandkids on video calls every week. It is hard to get the two boys to sit down and focus on chatting. LOL. You remember video calls? I used to have this sessions with you too, except that your hearing was quite bad. Anyway, everyone is very well. For me too, though I miss Mama and Papa so so so much, I am also happy to see that they are doing well being home-jailed and keeping themselves entertained with cooking and home improvement stuff.

You know we all even learnt to cut hair during this period! Hah! Can you imagine?? So Mama cuts Papa’s hair. Well, she cuts her own hair too. Since shops are closed and not advised to have close-contact due to the virus again. I cut my husband’s hair and my husband cut my hair! Except that my husband is like the worse person to cut hair for. He would be holding the mirror and checking every single second and he would aji-ajor a lot ! Until I also want to just take the scissors and cut everything off simply-simply! LOLOL! We are all also cooking a lot at home. Ernie is a really great chef actually and he makes fantastic dishes for his wife and kids. Mama had been giving us some of her popular recipes to try as well. But you know, I am still a little lazy when it comes to elaborate cooking. They said if they got home-jailed together with me, they might die of starvation because I will only cook the same food every day! LOLOLOLOL!!! No actually, I have different food every day. Just that every week – it is the same menu. Monday = chicken. Tuesday = salad (recently I have been addicted to snow fungus and I make this into salad). Wednesday = Soup. Thursday = Tofu & Vege. Friday = no cooking. Saturday = Chicken. Sunday = Chicken. Hahahahahahaha!! Because this is very easy to manage and don’t have to think so much. I am so smart. And yes, yes….. I serve everything in the same pot that I cook with cos less dishes to wash after that. I am also very smart like that. LOLOLOL!!! I can hear you saying “That is not called smart. That is called lazyyyy!” LOL!! I still remember the time you taught me how to cook your famous vegetarian dish. I think I can still remember how to cook it. I just can’t find “nam yu” in Myanmar. I even remember that day when I had the “cooking lesson” with you. You scolded me a lot. And I was also busy trying to take photos of the process. So you said “Haiya!!! You are actually cooking or taking photos???” LOLOLOL !!! Recently, I have been quite obsessed watching this YouTuber girl who creates contents of her life in rural China with her grandmother. She can cook, do farming, do carpentry work and all that while she takes care of her grandmother. The village is also very pretty. Well, I wished I had that life too. But I think – if I lived with you like that, and if you were still able, you would be the one taking care of me instead. I can’t even carry the water from the well. LOLOLOL!! Don’t talk about me farming. All vegetables will die. LOLOLOLOL ! You also know right?

Ah Por, I have continued to live my life well. Eat well, work hard, be a good person. Never stopped at all. I think this three gem of an advise you gave is so simple but so meaningful. Eat well because health is important. Work hard because nothing good ever comes to those who are lazy. And be a good person because a good person is a lot richer in many ways and not necessarily with money. Though I think you won’t like to hear it – I have lost some weight. I am not sure why. Maybe because of the world going crazy so sometimes I am also a little anxious and worried. Although I do eat well. I never skip my meals or eat less. I just eat healthy. Hahahaha. You know something? Because I thought the world was coming to an end, I actually started drinking alcohol. But only on Friday nights. Hahahahah. That’s why I don’t cook on Fridays. LOLOL!!

I miss you, Ah Por. You know how sometimes friends try to comfort you and they tell you, “Oh Ah Por is in heaven having a blast with your Por Por, Kung Kung and Ah Kung and all their old friends!” Part of me wants to believe that because it is easier. The other part of me is like …. Yeah right. But the one thing I know for sure is that I have four pairs of eyes looking over me from heaven. So I feel good. I feel protected and I know that as long as I continue to be a good person, you guys will continue to protect me from all the way in heaven.

Oh yes! One more thing before I end……. Stinky is good too. I have not been able to detach myself from Stinky for even a day now. Even though I may not use it, I carry it with me even when I travelled (back at the time when we could actually travel!) Anyway, there was one day where that idiot husband of mine, decided to complain about Stinky to me right in the middle of our grocery shopping. He told me “Stinky is torn and broken already!! If it’s not fixed need to throw away!!” And just like that – my floodgates opened. I wanted to punch him so hard at that time cos he made me cry in public!! Thinking back, I think I frightened him a bit with my crying reaction! Hahahahahaha! Cos the very next day, he sewed some new ‘clothes’ for Stinky and wrapped Stinky up with it. Yes, I guess, I have a very understanding husband. So you don’t have to worry about us, Ah Por.

Ok, now I gotta go. We will talk more, ok? Grief is a strange thing. And I am not even sure we actually get over grief. But don’t worry. I will live well, eat well, work hard and be a good person. Always.

Love,
Your Ting Nga Yee