Whilst my Ku Cher refers to me as my Ah Por's "Sum Korn Ting" (which translates to the apple of my Ah Por's eyes), I have often been scolded and caned by Ah Por when I was a kid. Ah Por is now 83 years old (I only found this out about two months ago when I helped her pack her IC) and the last time she caned me was when I was 8 years old because I stole Marmite and ate till I puked all over the living room. She was baby-sitting me then.
My Ah Por had been a very independent woman. Sadly, she and my late Ah Kung had not gotten along well - even before I was born. It used to baffle me when I saw them sleeping separately. Even though I had all my "why? why? why?" (I was a really annoying kid, I think!) - the adults believed that children were to be seen and not heard. Only much later when I could understand things better, I realized why they slept apart.
When I was a kid, I used to spend my school holidays with Ah Por in the kampung too. Those were one of the happiest memories of my life. Back then, especially in the kampung, kids could run around freely and we played hide-and-seek in each other's houses without needing to get permission. We had swings made out of old rattan chairs hanging from trees, paper planes and paper boats which disintergrated after just one flight or one docking. Where would Ah Por be while I ran around wildly in my kampung freedom (I hated the city for this aspect - that we could never run around so freely)? She would be doing some household chores, or she would be preparing simple lunch and dinner or she would be gambling - her favourite past time.
Ah Por also traveled to KL very often on her own. She would take the train or the bus from Ipoh, and then from the railway station or Pudu Bus Station, she would take a few buses to get to either our place or to my Suk Suk's place. I had on numerous occasions gone on these train and bus rides with her as a kid and I loved it.
I am not so sure why I am so attached to Ah Por, but I just am. She does spoil me silly, even up till now. In fact, with the Lui family, I am known to have everyone twisted around my fingers. Ahhh.. the first few years of being the centre of attention did pay off ;) Anyway, one of my early memories of Ah Por and how much of a grand impression she made upon me as my 'saviour' of sorts was when I was 6 or 7 years old - I was being walloped by my Mom for not practising the piano or something like that and I screamed out "I will call Ah Por and tell her you beat me!!!!!" Needless to say, my Mom was seething after my remark. And there was another time when I was being caned by my Dad (Jeez, I must've been really naughty as a kid for all the canings!!) and my Ah Por shielded me from a few of the rotan strokes. These memories really sealed themselves upon me and cast Ah Por as someone I could turn to when in harm's way. (By harm, I meant from any scolding or caning from my parents :P).
Another fond memory I have of Ah Por was one Chinese New Year and due to water rationing at the kampung, we had no water for many days. Finally, we had no choice but to get water from the nearby river. We all had to carry pails of water back to the house - and it was a good 1km - 2km walk. I was 18 then, and totally behaving like a 'princess' and was struggling with my pail of water. Ah Por came over to me and said "Haiya, look at you! Didn't eat rice that's why! Move away!" and then she put me to shame by carrying my pail and her pail of water back to the house. That was how I knew Ah Por was a very strong woman despite her age!
Ah Por also was the creator of Stinky - my best friend in bed, my one and only busuk pau. She made Stinky for me back when I was 5 years old. I still sleep with Stinky up till today. She used to tease me, that I would still be carrying the sorry looking pillow when I get married. And then, the day came and her words became true. I did get married with Stinky in tow :P Ah Por was also a good seamstress - she made all these patchwork - and I had a blanket (which is now being used by my Ku Cher) made from patchwork by my Ah Por for me.
Ah Por was the greatest Zhung Zai (gluttinous rice dumplings) maker in the world. And the "Lui" family members - we all love Zhung Zai - but ONLY those made by Ah Por. In 2007, I went back to the kampung during the Zung Zai Festival and tried to learn the art of making Zhung Zai from my Ah Por. Alas...... the art is lost on me! I couldn't even wrap the Zhung Zai correctly - preferring to wrap it the "Eileen Style" - which Ah Por pointed, was something I did as a kid when I used to help her wrap Zhung Zai too. She always called me "Ting Nga Yi" - which simply means crazy - because I just liked doing things differently! Like when rolling the Tong Yuen (gluttinous rice balls), I would make worm-shaped ones instead of the round balls. I also found out from Ku Cher that Ah Por used to make excellent kuih lapis, kuih talam, chee cheong fun and all these yummy snacks. Very unfortunately, I never got to try any of them and she has claimed to have forgotten all of the methods and recipes! 2007 - was the last time Ah Por made Zhung Zai for the family as she has now gotten older and weaker and standing for long hours made her leg painful.
To be honest with you - I do not know a lot about my Ah Por. This is because she doesn't like talking to us about her. She likes talking to us about us. I have bits and pieces of information about her. I know that she isn't from China, unlike my Ah Kung. I know that her hometown is in Kampar. I know she has a lot of sisters and brothers - I do not remember how many. I know that she is a good mahjong player. I know that she used to tap rubber trees. I know that she used to be a cook for a chinese family in Ipoh. I know that she used to smoke Dunhill. I know that she is very superstitious and she is a staunch Taoist. I think that is about it. Whenever I asked her about something I would like to know - her only answer is "I don't remember anymore." As I said, she preferred to regale us with her memories of us as kids or of my Dad and uncles and aunties as kids. Those anecdotes she told me were often very funny - and always repeated :) But I never minded listening to them over and over again. I know she enjoys reminiscing.
Anyway, as I grew older, my bond with Ah Por grew deeper. As I went through life's ups and downs, she would always be around to nag me. I may not confide in her, but she just enjoy lecturing me about life and sometimes, her lecture makes sense and they helped me unwind the knots in my head. When she had finished regaling me with stories from the past, she would sometimes throw in advice - on how to be a better person. This was what I referred to as the "nagging". I may not necessarily heed her advise, but sometimes, they do stick in my head - waiting for the right moment for the light to shine at the end of the tunnel.
Actually, her advice were really simple - work hard, don't be greedy, keep healthy and most importantly, be happy. If you're not happy, it is of no use. But she also said, sometimes, even if we were not happy, we still had to get the job done. We should not give up so easily. Then it goes back to the "working hard" advise. I take all these to heart. As I said, I may not heed them - but when the time is right, they somehow become useful. She also tells me to be a good wife now that I am married. Mostly, she says "Don't bully your husband." Which is really quite funny. I'll tell you this, whilst my family would advise me not to bully my husband, should they find out that my husband is bullying me - he's dead meat :P
I was glad that I finally granted her one of her wishes - to see me get married. The only reason I had one reception in the kampung was for Ah Por. Just ill-luck, that 2 weeks before the wedding, she fell and broke her leg and as such, could not potter around to fuss over my wedding. But when I asked if she was happy, she said "Happy, of course happy!" and thus, I was happy. Now, she wants great-grandchildren! Oh dear.
As far as I know, Ah Por had never made any demands or anything like that. She believes that the young people have our own lives to lead and we need to get on with our lives. She always tells me not to worry about her. She would say "I am an old person. Why do you need to worry about me? You are young. You need to worry about yourself, your diet, your work. Make sure you are happy, ok?" If she was ill, she would choose not to tell anyone - except perhaps, my Sam Suk (who is still single) and Sai Ku Cher, both of whom see her everyday. She would ask them not to tell the rest of us in case we got worried and drove all the way to Ipoh to look in on her. Yet, I know when the whole family is back to celebrate CNY with her, she is very, very happy. She told me once - as long as she sees that everyone is healthy and happy, then she is happy too.
She had not travelled anywhere else and the only time she set foot outside of Malaysia was when I took her for the Star Cruise holiday to Phuket. It was extremely enjoyable and she was very cute throughout the whole trip! The first thing she said when we boarded was "Wahh.... why so many gwai los one?" And then I made her try everything on the buffet line, including raw oysters, caviar and champagne - which she said she just swallowed it whole cos it was so yucky looking! She roamed around the cruise on her own and took photos with sailors and crews! And then she was even doing the Chicken Dance on the night of the farewell party organized by the Captain of the cruise! She was just so sporting! Why a cruise, you ask? Because Ah Por refused to take the plane. As such - she missed my graduation in Australia and she missed my wedding in Bali too!
She does not make demands for money, but yet, we all try to give her whatever we can afford. During festivities when we were back at the kampung, she would use these monies to buy all the good "york choy" and double boil them for the whole family to drink. The rest of her savings would be spent on prayer items and gambling on mahjong or 4D.
Speaking of prayer items - Ah Por is the only one in the house who knows exactly what to do, what prayer items to lay out, how to fold the paper items, what is the first step, second step, third... right down to the last step. Now that she is getting older and weaker, and with her leg not fully healed, I try to help her do the prayers. But you know what? I only do it once a year. I can never remember all the steps. Come the following year, she still has to guide me through it.
Although I have made notes and taken picture references of what to do during the prayers, I think my mind subconsciously rejects keeping it in mind because I want Ah Por to be there every year to guide me through the prayers.
I simply cannot imagine not having her around.
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