(a working draft of my novel : "Growing Up A Chinese Daughter")
I was just thinking yesterday that I should write about my two grandpas - even though I had already written about them before. And then, I decided, maybe I shouldn't go down that road twice.
It had always been very difficult for me to accept them passing on and then it was also very difficult for me to get over the fact that .... they are only all there is in my memory.
I had been a very blessed child - I knew the absolute love (and a lot of attention!) of a great-grandmother, two grandpas and two grandmas, both my parents and an entire family of uncles and aunties. I used to find it so bizarre when friends told me they only have one grandparent or they didn't have any grandparents, etc.... and it was then, that I knew, I was a lucky, lucky girl indeed! I had a full set of grandparents from both my maternal and paternal side who doted upon me.
When Kung Kung passed away in 1993, it was the school holidays. He had suffered a stroke at the beginning of the year and then later diagnosed with liver cancer. He spent his last days in the hospital. I remembered when his situation took a turn for the worse - my parents had left my brother and I at home. And then they called back asking us to lock up properly and not wait for them as they will not be back. I took it as a very bad sign - and once again - the "adults" thought it inappropriate to keep the "children" informed. After I put down the phone - I thought, this is bullshit! I am going to see Kung Kung - at least one last time!
It was 10.30pm. I turned around and told my brother - who was then 12 years old - "I'm going to call for a taxi and I am going to the hospital to see Kung Kung. Are you coming?" A few seconds of hesitation and then he said yes. And so, I searched my Mom's phone directory (the dirty pink suede-covered one) for the number to the taxi company and within fifteen minutes, the taxi arrived. The taxi driver must've been in quite a dilemma - a tearful girl and a young boy looking glum were getting into his taxi. I told the taxi driver to take us to Tung Shin Hospital. I guess that should explain everything to him. When we arrived, I saw the metre was RM13.70. I pulled out a crumpled piece of RM10 and told the driver that it was all I've got. He said no problem and we got off the taxi.
We went to the reception and asked the nurse for Kung Kung's room. When we got it, we went to the nearest lift and up we went to the room. My parents were in shock to see us. And there, I saw Kung Kung, suffering. Even as I write now, I'm in tears. My beloved, jovial Kung Kung.....
Anyway, the "adults" once again, decided that there was no need for the "children" to stay. My Dad took us home, promising that we'll come back first thing in the morning. That night, I stayed up the whole night and prayed and prayed and prayed. I didn't ask for much. I just asked for a miracle - to take away my Kung Kung's pain and make him healthy again. I never got my wish. And I had never again prayed so hard in my life thus far. And I never made it to the hospital on time to see Kung Kung for the last time.
With Ah Kung, it was totally unexpected. Which made it worse. It was March 2004 - the Formula 1 weekend, as well as the general elections weekend. I was supposed to go cast my vote for the first time ever, and then go to the F1 circuit to watch the race. The phone call came at 5am or close to 6am. Usually, when you get a phone call that early in the morning, it isn't good news. I heard the phone ring and then I sat up on my bed. I had a very bad feeling already. And then, my Dad called me on my cell phone (yes, funny) and asked me to go downstairs. I remember sitting on the second last step of the staircase at home when my Dad told me that Ah Kung had passed away in his sleep.
Oh, I felt my heart breaking. I wanted it to be some idiotically bad joke. But it wasn't. I didn't get to see Ah Kung for even a last time. The last time I saw him was when I went back to the kampung for the weekend and took him out for lunch - which he didn't finish because I accidentally got something spicy for him and he was coughing terribly because of the chilli. And then he didn't want to go out for dinner so I packed dinner for him - which he did finish hungrily. I didn't get to say goodbye. I did say bye-bye, when I left the kampung house, but I took it for granted that I would certainly see him again.
After Ah Kung passed away, I actually went back to the kampung a lot more frequently. In a way, I felt like he was there. I am now occupying his old room. It is now my room. I'm pretty sure Ah Kung would like me to have it.
I'm not one who takes the passing on of loved ones easily. I cannot begin to describe the pain I feel knowing I will no longer be able to see them again. But people always say - "life must go on". Yes, it does. But just as life goes on, so too does all the feelings and emotions. Isn't it? I've even been so afraid of that painful feeling of losing a loved one that I had selfishly made a wish to ensure that I be "gone" before anyone of my loved ones do. Of course, I know all about the making it count while they are all still around. I do. And which is why I practise this simple concept : never go to bed angry with someone you love.
Not wishing to end this piece on a bad note with red eyes, I do remember both Kung Kung and Ah Kung with fond memories. I miss them dearly everyday. And I know that the day I got married - they were up there in heaven saying "Phew.... Finally.....!"
Monday, June 7, 2010
My Ah Por
(a working draft of my novel : "Growing Up A Chinese Daughter")
I am extremely close to my Ah Por, eversince I was a kid. I am, after all, the first grandchild for the "Lui" family. And I remained the only grandchild for a good 3 years before my brother came and stole the limelight from me as he then became the first grandSON in the family :P
Whilst my Ku Cher refers to me as my Ah Por's "Sum Korn Ting" (which translates to the apple of my Ah Por's eyes), I have often been scolded and caned by Ah Por when I was a kid. Ah Por is now 83 years old (I only found this out about two months ago when I helped her pack her IC) and the last time she caned me was when I was 8 years old because I stole Marmite and ate till I puked all over the living room. She was baby-sitting me then.
My Ah Por had been a very independent woman. Sadly, she and my late Ah Kung had not gotten along well - even before I was born. It used to baffle me when I saw them sleeping separately. Even though I had all my "why? why? why?" (I was a really annoying kid, I think!) - the adults believed that children were to be seen and not heard. Only much later when I could understand things better, I realized why they slept apart.
When I was a kid, I used to spend my school holidays with Ah Por in the kampung too. Those were one of the happiest memories of my life. Back then, especially in the kampung, kids could run around freely and we played hide-and-seek in each other's houses without needing to get permission. We had swings made out of old rattan chairs hanging from trees, paper planes and paper boats which disintergrated after just one flight or one docking. Where would Ah Por be while I ran around wildly in my kampung freedom (I hated the city for this aspect - that we could never run around so freely)? She would be doing some household chores, or she would be preparing simple lunch and dinner or she would be gambling - her favourite past time.
Ah Por also traveled to KL very often on her own. She would take the train or the bus from Ipoh, and then from the railway station or Pudu Bus Station, she would take a few buses to get to either our place or to my Suk Suk's place. I had on numerous occasions gone on these train and bus rides with her as a kid and I loved it.
I am not so sure why I am so attached to Ah Por, but I just am. She does spoil me silly, even up till now. In fact, with the Lui family, I am known to have everyone twisted around my fingers. Ahhh.. the first few years of being the centre of attention did pay off ;) Anyway, one of my early memories of Ah Por and how much of a grand impression she made upon me as my 'saviour' of sorts was when I was 6 or 7 years old - I was being walloped by my Mom for not practising the piano or something like that and I screamed out "I will call Ah Por and tell her you beat me!!!!!" Needless to say, my Mom was seething after my remark. And there was another time when I was being caned by my Dad (Jeez, I must've been really naughty as a kid for all the canings!!) and my Ah Por shielded me from a few of the rotan strokes. These memories really sealed themselves upon me and cast Ah Por as someone I could turn to when in harm's way. (By harm, I meant from any scolding or caning from my parents :P).
Another fond memory I have of Ah Por was one Chinese New Year and due to water rationing at the kampung, we had no water for many days. Finally, we had no choice but to get water from the nearby river. We all had to carry pails of water back to the house - and it was a good 1km - 2km walk. I was 18 then, and totally behaving like a 'princess' and was struggling with my pail of water. Ah Por came over to me and said "Haiya, look at you! Didn't eat rice that's why! Move away!" and then she put me to shame by carrying my pail and her pail of water back to the house. That was how I knew Ah Por was a very strong woman despite her age!
Ah Por also was the creator of Stinky - my best friend in bed, my one and only busuk pau. She made Stinky for me back when I was 5 years old. I still sleep with Stinky up till today. She used to tease me, that I would still be carrying the sorry looking pillow when I get married. And then, the day came and her words became true. I did get married with Stinky in tow :P Ah Por was also a good seamstress - she made all these patchwork - and I had a blanket (which is now being used by my Ku Cher) made from patchwork by my Ah Por for me.
Ah Por was the greatest Zhung Zai (gluttinous rice dumplings) maker in the world. And the "Lui" family members - we all love Zhung Zai - but ONLY those made by Ah Por. In 2007, I went back to the kampung during the Zung Zai Festival and tried to learn the art of making Zhung Zai from my Ah Por. Alas...... the art is lost on me! I couldn't even wrap the Zhung Zai correctly - preferring to wrap it the "Eileen Style" - which Ah Por pointed, was something I did as a kid when I used to help her wrap Zhung Zai too. She always called me "Ting Nga Yi" - which simply means crazy - because I just liked doing things differently! Like when rolling the Tong Yuen (gluttinous rice balls), I would make worm-shaped ones instead of the round balls. I also found out from Ku Cher that Ah Por used to make excellent kuih lapis, kuih talam, chee cheong fun and all these yummy snacks. Very unfortunately, I never got to try any of them and she has claimed to have forgotten all of the methods and recipes! 2007 - was the last time Ah Por made Zhung Zai for the family as she has now gotten older and weaker and standing for long hours made her leg painful.
To be honest with you - I do not know a lot about my Ah Por. This is because she doesn't like talking to us about her. She likes talking to us about us. I have bits and pieces of information about her. I know that she isn't from China, unlike my Ah Kung. I know that her hometown is in Kampar. I know she has a lot of sisters and brothers - I do not remember how many. I know that she is a good mahjong player. I know that she used to tap rubber trees. I know that she used to be a cook for a chinese family in Ipoh. I know that she used to smoke Dunhill. I know that she is very superstitious and she is a staunch Taoist. I think that is about it. Whenever I asked her about something I would like to know - her only answer is "I don't remember anymore." As I said, she preferred to regale us with her memories of us as kids or of my Dad and uncles and aunties as kids. Those anecdotes she told me were often very funny - and always repeated :) But I never minded listening to them over and over again. I know she enjoys reminiscing.
Anyway, as I grew older, my bond with Ah Por grew deeper. As I went through life's ups and downs, she would always be around to nag me. I may not confide in her, but she just enjoy lecturing me about life and sometimes, her lecture makes sense and they helped me unwind the knots in my head. When she had finished regaling me with stories from the past, she would sometimes throw in advice - on how to be a better person. This was what I referred to as the "nagging". I may not necessarily heed her advise, but sometimes, they do stick in my head - waiting for the right moment for the light to shine at the end of the tunnel.
Actually, her advice were really simple - work hard, don't be greedy, keep healthy and most importantly, be happy. If you're not happy, it is of no use. But she also said, sometimes, even if we were not happy, we still had to get the job done. We should not give up so easily. Then it goes back to the "working hard" advise. I take all these to heart. As I said, I may not heed them - but when the time is right, they somehow become useful. She also tells me to be a good wife now that I am married. Mostly, she says "Don't bully your husband." Which is really quite funny. I'll tell you this, whilst my family would advise me not to bully my husband, should they find out that my husband is bullying me - he's dead meat :P
I was glad that I finally granted her one of her wishes - to see me get married. The only reason I had one reception in the kampung was for Ah Por. Just ill-luck, that 2 weeks before the wedding, she fell and broke her leg and as such, could not potter around to fuss over my wedding. But when I asked if she was happy, she said "Happy, of course happy!" and thus, I was happy. Now, she wants great-grandchildren! Oh dear.
As far as I know, Ah Por had never made any demands or anything like that. She believes that the young people have our own lives to lead and we need to get on with our lives. She always tells me not to worry about her. She would say "I am an old person. Why do you need to worry about me? You are young. You need to worry about yourself, your diet, your work. Make sure you are happy, ok?" If she was ill, she would choose not to tell anyone - except perhaps, my Sam Suk (who is still single) and Sai Ku Cher, both of whom see her everyday. She would ask them not to tell the rest of us in case we got worried and drove all the way to Ipoh to look in on her. Yet, I know when the whole family is back to celebrate CNY with her, she is very, very happy. She told me once - as long as she sees that everyone is healthy and happy, then she is happy too.
She had not travelled anywhere else and the only time she set foot outside of Malaysia was when I took her for the Star Cruise holiday to Phuket. It was extremely enjoyable and she was very cute throughout the whole trip! The first thing she said when we boarded was "Wahh.... why so many gwai los one?" And then I made her try everything on the buffet line, including raw oysters, caviar and champagne - which she said she just swallowed it whole cos it was so yucky looking! She roamed around the cruise on her own and took photos with sailors and crews! And then she was even doing the Chicken Dance on the night of the farewell party organized by the Captain of the cruise! She was just so sporting! Why a cruise, you ask? Because Ah Por refused to take the plane. As such - she missed my graduation in Australia and she missed my wedding in Bali too!
She does not make demands for money, but yet, we all try to give her whatever we can afford. During festivities when we were back at the kampung, she would use these monies to buy all the good "york choy" and double boil them for the whole family to drink. The rest of her savings would be spent on prayer items and gambling on mahjong or 4D.
Speaking of prayer items - Ah Por is the only one in the house who knows exactly what to do, what prayer items to lay out, how to fold the paper items, what is the first step, second step, third... right down to the last step. Now that she is getting older and weaker, and with her leg not fully healed, I try to help her do the prayers. But you know what? I only do it once a year. I can never remember all the steps. Come the following year, she still has to guide me through it.
Although I have made notes and taken picture references of what to do during the prayers, I think my mind subconsciously rejects keeping it in mind because I want Ah Por to be there every year to guide me through the prayers.
I simply cannot imagine not having her around.
Whilst my Ku Cher refers to me as my Ah Por's "Sum Korn Ting" (which translates to the apple of my Ah Por's eyes), I have often been scolded and caned by Ah Por when I was a kid. Ah Por is now 83 years old (I only found this out about two months ago when I helped her pack her IC) and the last time she caned me was when I was 8 years old because I stole Marmite and ate till I puked all over the living room. She was baby-sitting me then.
My Ah Por had been a very independent woman. Sadly, she and my late Ah Kung had not gotten along well - even before I was born. It used to baffle me when I saw them sleeping separately. Even though I had all my "why? why? why?" (I was a really annoying kid, I think!) - the adults believed that children were to be seen and not heard. Only much later when I could understand things better, I realized why they slept apart.
When I was a kid, I used to spend my school holidays with Ah Por in the kampung too. Those were one of the happiest memories of my life. Back then, especially in the kampung, kids could run around freely and we played hide-and-seek in each other's houses without needing to get permission. We had swings made out of old rattan chairs hanging from trees, paper planes and paper boats which disintergrated after just one flight or one docking. Where would Ah Por be while I ran around wildly in my kampung freedom (I hated the city for this aspect - that we could never run around so freely)? She would be doing some household chores, or she would be preparing simple lunch and dinner or she would be gambling - her favourite past time.
Ah Por also traveled to KL very often on her own. She would take the train or the bus from Ipoh, and then from the railway station or Pudu Bus Station, she would take a few buses to get to either our place or to my Suk Suk's place. I had on numerous occasions gone on these train and bus rides with her as a kid and I loved it.
I am not so sure why I am so attached to Ah Por, but I just am. She does spoil me silly, even up till now. In fact, with the Lui family, I am known to have everyone twisted around my fingers. Ahhh.. the first few years of being the centre of attention did pay off ;) Anyway, one of my early memories of Ah Por and how much of a grand impression she made upon me as my 'saviour' of sorts was when I was 6 or 7 years old - I was being walloped by my Mom for not practising the piano or something like that and I screamed out "I will call Ah Por and tell her you beat me!!!!!" Needless to say, my Mom was seething after my remark. And there was another time when I was being caned by my Dad (Jeez, I must've been really naughty as a kid for all the canings!!) and my Ah Por shielded me from a few of the rotan strokes. These memories really sealed themselves upon me and cast Ah Por as someone I could turn to when in harm's way. (By harm, I meant from any scolding or caning from my parents :P).
Another fond memory I have of Ah Por was one Chinese New Year and due to water rationing at the kampung, we had no water for many days. Finally, we had no choice but to get water from the nearby river. We all had to carry pails of water back to the house - and it was a good 1km - 2km walk. I was 18 then, and totally behaving like a 'princess' and was struggling with my pail of water. Ah Por came over to me and said "Haiya, look at you! Didn't eat rice that's why! Move away!" and then she put me to shame by carrying my pail and her pail of water back to the house. That was how I knew Ah Por was a very strong woman despite her age!
Ah Por also was the creator of Stinky - my best friend in bed, my one and only busuk pau. She made Stinky for me back when I was 5 years old. I still sleep with Stinky up till today. She used to tease me, that I would still be carrying the sorry looking pillow when I get married. And then, the day came and her words became true. I did get married with Stinky in tow :P Ah Por was also a good seamstress - she made all these patchwork - and I had a blanket (which is now being used by my Ku Cher) made from patchwork by my Ah Por for me.
Ah Por was the greatest Zhung Zai (gluttinous rice dumplings) maker in the world. And the "Lui" family members - we all love Zhung Zai - but ONLY those made by Ah Por. In 2007, I went back to the kampung during the Zung Zai Festival and tried to learn the art of making Zhung Zai from my Ah Por. Alas...... the art is lost on me! I couldn't even wrap the Zhung Zai correctly - preferring to wrap it the "Eileen Style" - which Ah Por pointed, was something I did as a kid when I used to help her wrap Zhung Zai too. She always called me "Ting Nga Yi" - which simply means crazy - because I just liked doing things differently! Like when rolling the Tong Yuen (gluttinous rice balls), I would make worm-shaped ones instead of the round balls. I also found out from Ku Cher that Ah Por used to make excellent kuih lapis, kuih talam, chee cheong fun and all these yummy snacks. Very unfortunately, I never got to try any of them and she has claimed to have forgotten all of the methods and recipes! 2007 - was the last time Ah Por made Zhung Zai for the family as she has now gotten older and weaker and standing for long hours made her leg painful.
To be honest with you - I do not know a lot about my Ah Por. This is because she doesn't like talking to us about her. She likes talking to us about us. I have bits and pieces of information about her. I know that she isn't from China, unlike my Ah Kung. I know that her hometown is in Kampar. I know she has a lot of sisters and brothers - I do not remember how many. I know that she is a good mahjong player. I know that she used to tap rubber trees. I know that she used to be a cook for a chinese family in Ipoh. I know that she used to smoke Dunhill. I know that she is very superstitious and she is a staunch Taoist. I think that is about it. Whenever I asked her about something I would like to know - her only answer is "I don't remember anymore." As I said, she preferred to regale us with her memories of us as kids or of my Dad and uncles and aunties as kids. Those anecdotes she told me were often very funny - and always repeated :) But I never minded listening to them over and over again. I know she enjoys reminiscing.
Anyway, as I grew older, my bond with Ah Por grew deeper. As I went through life's ups and downs, she would always be around to nag me. I may not confide in her, but she just enjoy lecturing me about life and sometimes, her lecture makes sense and they helped me unwind the knots in my head. When she had finished regaling me with stories from the past, she would sometimes throw in advice - on how to be a better person. This was what I referred to as the "nagging". I may not necessarily heed her advise, but sometimes, they do stick in my head - waiting for the right moment for the light to shine at the end of the tunnel.
Actually, her advice were really simple - work hard, don't be greedy, keep healthy and most importantly, be happy. If you're not happy, it is of no use. But she also said, sometimes, even if we were not happy, we still had to get the job done. We should not give up so easily. Then it goes back to the "working hard" advise. I take all these to heart. As I said, I may not heed them - but when the time is right, they somehow become useful. She also tells me to be a good wife now that I am married. Mostly, she says "Don't bully your husband." Which is really quite funny. I'll tell you this, whilst my family would advise me not to bully my husband, should they find out that my husband is bullying me - he's dead meat :P
I was glad that I finally granted her one of her wishes - to see me get married. The only reason I had one reception in the kampung was for Ah Por. Just ill-luck, that 2 weeks before the wedding, she fell and broke her leg and as such, could not potter around to fuss over my wedding. But when I asked if she was happy, she said "Happy, of course happy!" and thus, I was happy. Now, she wants great-grandchildren! Oh dear.
As far as I know, Ah Por had never made any demands or anything like that. She believes that the young people have our own lives to lead and we need to get on with our lives. She always tells me not to worry about her. She would say "I am an old person. Why do you need to worry about me? You are young. You need to worry about yourself, your diet, your work. Make sure you are happy, ok?" If she was ill, she would choose not to tell anyone - except perhaps, my Sam Suk (who is still single) and Sai Ku Cher, both of whom see her everyday. She would ask them not to tell the rest of us in case we got worried and drove all the way to Ipoh to look in on her. Yet, I know when the whole family is back to celebrate CNY with her, she is very, very happy. She told me once - as long as she sees that everyone is healthy and happy, then she is happy too.
She had not travelled anywhere else and the only time she set foot outside of Malaysia was when I took her for the Star Cruise holiday to Phuket. It was extremely enjoyable and she was very cute throughout the whole trip! The first thing she said when we boarded was "Wahh.... why so many gwai los one?" And then I made her try everything on the buffet line, including raw oysters, caviar and champagne - which she said she just swallowed it whole cos it was so yucky looking! She roamed around the cruise on her own and took photos with sailors and crews! And then she was even doing the Chicken Dance on the night of the farewell party organized by the Captain of the cruise! She was just so sporting! Why a cruise, you ask? Because Ah Por refused to take the plane. As such - she missed my graduation in Australia and she missed my wedding in Bali too!
She does not make demands for money, but yet, we all try to give her whatever we can afford. During festivities when we were back at the kampung, she would use these monies to buy all the good "york choy" and double boil them for the whole family to drink. The rest of her savings would be spent on prayer items and gambling on mahjong or 4D.
Speaking of prayer items - Ah Por is the only one in the house who knows exactly what to do, what prayer items to lay out, how to fold the paper items, what is the first step, second step, third... right down to the last step. Now that she is getting older and weaker, and with her leg not fully healed, I try to help her do the prayers. But you know what? I only do it once a year. I can never remember all the steps. Come the following year, she still has to guide me through it.
Although I have made notes and taken picture references of what to do during the prayers, I think my mind subconsciously rejects keeping it in mind because I want Ah Por to be there every year to guide me through the prayers.
I simply cannot imagine not having her around.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
My Por Por
(a working draft of my novel : "Growing Up A Chinese Daughter")
I had written about my Grandpas - after they had passed on. It seemed a tad too late - to let them know how I really felt about them. That they had touched my life in ways that have made me who I am today. The story I wrote about my Kung Kung (maternal grandpa) was published in The Star (1993) and the story I wrote about Ah Kung (paternal grandpa) was read in a Readings session.
As such, I've decided that I would like to write about these great persons whom I am lucky enough to be part of in a family, who are so much a part of my life before it is too late. I'll start with my Por Por (maternal grandma).
You know how it is with old folks from those days. You never get their age correct, for some reason. Remind me to steal a peek at Por Por's IC the next time I get a chance. My Por Por is now confined to a wheelchair and sadly, I am no longer as closed to her as I used to be as a kid.
When I was still in school - right up to my teenage years, most of my school holidays were spent staying over at Por Por's place down in KL. I am pretty sure my Mom was glad I was out of her hair, but mostly - I asked to stay because simply said - I enjoyed myself. I only have very vague memories of the place in Chow Kit - when my great grandmother, Ah Tai was still around. What I recall more was the place near Jalan Tun Razak - which is also Por Por's current address.
Here's how a typical day would be back then :
The entire household would get up as early as 4am in the mornings. My Kung Kung, my Kow Fu, my Ah Yee and of course, my Por Por. My Por Por would send my Kung Kung off to the market to get breakfast for the family (we would each place our orders with Kung Kung - except me. He already knew what my favourite breakfast was and even how I liked it packed!). And he would also shop for the ingredients for that day's lunch and dinner menu.
He would come back with all the items - never missing a single thing from Por Por's list (even though he never took notes) and we would all sit down for morning breakfast together. Sometimes, I would follow Kung Kung out to the market - because it was extremely enjoyable and he would buy extra "goodies" for me - like almond nuts or century eggs - both of which he and I enjoyed very much.
Anyway, after breakfast, everyone would leave for work. And there would only be myself and Por Por left in the house. Por Por was a full-time housewife and from young, I've always observed how she strived to take care of the family and the house without help. She would sweep the floor, mop the floor, hang the laundry outside and wipe dust off the furnitures and displays in the mornings. Then, she would be preparing lunch in the kitchen - while listening to Radio 5's "Chinese Story Time." (Me? I would be doing my homework or reading my book - and I think part of why I enjoyed staying with Por Por was because I escaped doing the household chores at home!). When she was preparing lunch, I would climb onto a stool in the kitchen and watch her. The mincing, slicing, chopping, shredding, frying, stewing, boiling, - everything!.
What I really remember most of my stay with my Por Por was the fabulous home-cooked food she whipped up during my stay. As the "guest-of-honour" during my stays, I got to demand for my favourite dishes! And they were all home-cooked Hakka dishes - which my Por Por specializes in. There's the Cha Chu Yuk, Gu Low Yuk, Yong Tau Foo, and then there's her special Chicken Curry, Assam Fish.... and then my favourite - Minced Dried Shrimp and Belacan fried extra spicy just for me! I could finish two bowls of rice just on this dish alone!
Anyway, I was really fascinated as a kid to watch her do magic in the kitchen. I would be asking so many questions : "Por Por, why you do this? Por Por, why you put this inside? Por Por, why this, Por Por, why that?" But she would patiently explain to me all the 'whys'. Sometimes, she would let me stir whatever she's cooking and I would proudly exclaim that "Look, Por Por! I can cook!" and she would say "So clever."
She would be done by around the same time as when the radio chinese drama ends. And then she would do the ironing. After which - yummy, yummy, lunch is served for me. She would sit and eat with me. She would always tell me when I was a baby, I was so well-behaved when she was baby-sitting me. She says this of both my brother and I till today. After lunch - all I needed to do was to bring my plate over to the sink. She would do the washing (another plus point of staying with Por Por!). And then, I would go back to entertaining myself while she does the laundry.
After that, she would sit on the floor to read the newspaper - Sin Chew Jit Poh (where my Kung Kung was a journalist with) and sometimes, I would ask her what's happening or I would try to point out some chinese characters which I could recognize. And then, she would fall asleep on the floor. Everyday, same time, same spot. When she woke up, she would bring in the clothes and start folding them or starching them. She's the type who made sure even my Kung Kung's boxers are ironed tediously.
And then I would get cartoon TV time while she prepared for dinner. Even though there were leftovers from lunch, she would still make a fresh dish or two for dinner as everyone came home for dinner then. This would be my yummy-yummy round two for the day :) She would also be preparing dinner for Tony, the doggy. She would stew some bones and rice for the dog. (Tony grew up at the Chow Kit house and moved together with the family till he too, passed on, shortly after Kung Kung passed away.... from heartbreak..... )
While I watched cartoons, Kung Kung would get home. And Por Por would come out and fetched his house slippers for him and laid out his home-clothings (white singlet and boxer shorts) for him while he took a shower. And then she would continue to potter around the kitchen. Kung Kung usually took a short nap while waiting for dinner to be served and then I got to eat dinner with Kung Kung. Usually, we would finish dinner before my Ah Yee and Kow Fu got back from work (and sometimes, I would go in for round three with them! I was a growing child then :P) While we were having dinner, Por Por would be feeding Tony. Yes, feeding Tony with a spoon. Again, I would usually watch in fascination at this.
And then, we would all sit to watch the Chinese News on RTM2 (now TV2) in which, there shall be no talking or whispering as my Kung Kung demands absolute silence when he watched the news. After the news - we sat around watching a chinese drama series or some other programmes and then guess what? It would be bed time. For all. That would be barely 9pm. Such was a typical day at Por Por's place.
My Por Por had a very eccentric characteristic. Her sofa set - was not meant to be sat on. Only if guests came. We usually sat on the floor or on some foot stools. Only two persons were allowed to shower in her bathroom - me (I am after all - the guest of honour :P) and Por Por. Even my Kung Kung had to take his shower in the guest bathroom! But when I do shower in her bathroom, I had to make sure that the other half of the bathroom which has the toilet was dry. It's all a little weird - but it didn't affect me very much, so I didn't care.
She and Kung Kung often traveled and they had gone all the way to Disneyland in the US of A. At the age of 60 or so, she was still on roller-coasters and free-fall rides and also had the photos to prove it. She was also quite a glamourous lady - going for hair perms every Sundays - which my Kung Kung took her as she didn't drive nor took the public transport, she had on nail polish and would put on red lipstick when she went out.
She was fierce too. Everyone in the family went by her "rules" (no seating on the sofa, lights off 8pm, morning call at 4am... etc). My Ah Yee used to call her Empress Dowager. But she had never scolded me. Not so much as a spank either. I guess, I never gave her a reason to do so.
Sadly, after Kung Kung passed on in 1993, things somehow took a turn for the worse for her and for the family. My Kung Kung had always been the one taking care of her - doing the marketing, taking her out to perm her hair, etc. I think whilst she was saddened by his passing, she felt helpless without him around and perhaps, just perhaps, resented it a little. Also, at that time, Kow Fu already had a family of his own to take care of and was sometimes unable to accommodate her requests to ferry her for her hair perm or buy an onion. My Ah Yee - sadly, does not drive.
It was this period of time, where I hardly showed up at her place anymore. For me, I was trying to get over my Kung Kung's passing. Visiting the house only reminded me of his absence. And then, I was a little annoyed at the family for fighting over assets and all that. As a "child" - the "adults" felt that it was not in my place to make any comments. Especially so when I am only the grandchild on the daughter's side - which means - I am a "ngoi shuen" - which literally translates to "outside grandchild". All these irked me. As such, I no longer accompanied my parents to Por Por's house for weekend visits. I used to never missed a single weekend. I still made sure I showed up for the big occassions, like Mother's Day or Por Por's birthday.....
From here on - the close bond that I shared with my Por Por slowly, but surely..... fizzled away. One of the last fond remaining memories I had of my Por Por in good health was when she came to send me off at the airport when I went to Australia to finish my degree. And then, Por Por's health went downhill from there. Not rolling downhill, but slowly..... it started, leading right up to her being in a wheelchair now.
And it hadn't helped that Por Por's apparently giving a lot of troubles to my Mom who is trying to take care of her, and giving hell to the maid as well. I hear my Mom lament about these issues a lot. But for whatever reasons - everytime I go visit my Por Por (I would drop by once in a while to look in on her), she would be in her best behaviour. So, I am also at a loss. Because I am not able to see it with my own eyes.
Sometimes, when I do look in on Por Por, my heart would ache. Surely I would feel like shit too - if I am confined to a wheelchair. If you could just imagine - you were traveling the world, riding roller-coasters, going out for hi-teas et al..... and now, you can't even go to the toilet on your own or wear your own clothes...... I do think, she is sometimes difficult because to her - she had lost her dignity. She had never really been independent because my Kung Kung took care of her. And then she's had to live the last 17 years without him - and half of that, in this state of health. I feel very, very sorry for her.
Por Por taught me manners as a child. Through manners, I learnt about respect and dignity.
Por Por has all of my respect - simply because I carry about very fond memories of her from my childhood days and I know she was an excellent wife and housewife. Eccentric, but excellent. My only regret was never taking notes when I was watching her cook - or my life would've turned out quite differently!
But I think, most of all, Por Por deserves to have her dignity - despite the conditions of her health.
As such, I've decided that I would like to write about these great persons whom I am lucky enough to be part of in a family, who are so much a part of my life before it is too late. I'll start with my Por Por (maternal grandma).
You know how it is with old folks from those days. You never get their age correct, for some reason. Remind me to steal a peek at Por Por's IC the next time I get a chance. My Por Por is now confined to a wheelchair and sadly, I am no longer as closed to her as I used to be as a kid.
When I was still in school - right up to my teenage years, most of my school holidays were spent staying over at Por Por's place down in KL. I am pretty sure my Mom was glad I was out of her hair, but mostly - I asked to stay because simply said - I enjoyed myself. I only have very vague memories of the place in Chow Kit - when my great grandmother, Ah Tai was still around. What I recall more was the place near Jalan Tun Razak - which is also Por Por's current address.
Here's how a typical day would be back then :
The entire household would get up as early as 4am in the mornings. My Kung Kung, my Kow Fu, my Ah Yee and of course, my Por Por. My Por Por would send my Kung Kung off to the market to get breakfast for the family (we would each place our orders with Kung Kung - except me. He already knew what my favourite breakfast was and even how I liked it packed!). And he would also shop for the ingredients for that day's lunch and dinner menu.
He would come back with all the items - never missing a single thing from Por Por's list (even though he never took notes) and we would all sit down for morning breakfast together. Sometimes, I would follow Kung Kung out to the market - because it was extremely enjoyable and he would buy extra "goodies" for me - like almond nuts or century eggs - both of which he and I enjoyed very much.
Anyway, after breakfast, everyone would leave for work. And there would only be myself and Por Por left in the house. Por Por was a full-time housewife and from young, I've always observed how she strived to take care of the family and the house without help. She would sweep the floor, mop the floor, hang the laundry outside and wipe dust off the furnitures and displays in the mornings. Then, she would be preparing lunch in the kitchen - while listening to Radio 5's "Chinese Story Time." (Me? I would be doing my homework or reading my book - and I think part of why I enjoyed staying with Por Por was because I escaped doing the household chores at home!). When she was preparing lunch, I would climb onto a stool in the kitchen and watch her. The mincing, slicing, chopping, shredding, frying, stewing, boiling, - everything!.
What I really remember most of my stay with my Por Por was the fabulous home-cooked food she whipped up during my stay. As the "guest-of-honour" during my stays, I got to demand for my favourite dishes! And they were all home-cooked Hakka dishes - which my Por Por specializes in. There's the Cha Chu Yuk, Gu Low Yuk, Yong Tau Foo, and then there's her special Chicken Curry, Assam Fish.... and then my favourite - Minced Dried Shrimp and Belacan fried extra spicy just for me! I could finish two bowls of rice just on this dish alone!
Anyway, I was really fascinated as a kid to watch her do magic in the kitchen. I would be asking so many questions : "Por Por, why you do this? Por Por, why you put this inside? Por Por, why this, Por Por, why that?" But she would patiently explain to me all the 'whys'. Sometimes, she would let me stir whatever she's cooking and I would proudly exclaim that "Look, Por Por! I can cook!" and she would say "So clever."
She would be done by around the same time as when the radio chinese drama ends. And then she would do the ironing. After which - yummy, yummy, lunch is served for me. She would sit and eat with me. She would always tell me when I was a baby, I was so well-behaved when she was baby-sitting me. She says this of both my brother and I till today. After lunch - all I needed to do was to bring my plate over to the sink. She would do the washing (another plus point of staying with Por Por!). And then, I would go back to entertaining myself while she does the laundry.
After that, she would sit on the floor to read the newspaper - Sin Chew Jit Poh (where my Kung Kung was a journalist with) and sometimes, I would ask her what's happening or I would try to point out some chinese characters which I could recognize. And then, she would fall asleep on the floor. Everyday, same time, same spot. When she woke up, she would bring in the clothes and start folding them or starching them. She's the type who made sure even my Kung Kung's boxers are ironed tediously.
And then I would get cartoon TV time while she prepared for dinner. Even though there were leftovers from lunch, she would still make a fresh dish or two for dinner as everyone came home for dinner then. This would be my yummy-yummy round two for the day :) She would also be preparing dinner for Tony, the doggy. She would stew some bones and rice for the dog. (Tony grew up at the Chow Kit house and moved together with the family till he too, passed on, shortly after Kung Kung passed away.... from heartbreak..... )
While I watched cartoons, Kung Kung would get home. And Por Por would come out and fetched his house slippers for him and laid out his home-clothings (white singlet and boxer shorts) for him while he took a shower. And then she would continue to potter around the kitchen. Kung Kung usually took a short nap while waiting for dinner to be served and then I got to eat dinner with Kung Kung. Usually, we would finish dinner before my Ah Yee and Kow Fu got back from work (and sometimes, I would go in for round three with them! I was a growing child then :P) While we were having dinner, Por Por would be feeding Tony. Yes, feeding Tony with a spoon. Again, I would usually watch in fascination at this.
And then, we would all sit to watch the Chinese News on RTM2 (now TV2) in which, there shall be no talking or whispering as my Kung Kung demands absolute silence when he watched the news. After the news - we sat around watching a chinese drama series or some other programmes and then guess what? It would be bed time. For all. That would be barely 9pm. Such was a typical day at Por Por's place.
My Por Por had a very eccentric characteristic. Her sofa set - was not meant to be sat on. Only if guests came. We usually sat on the floor or on some foot stools. Only two persons were allowed to shower in her bathroom - me (I am after all - the guest of honour :P) and Por Por. Even my Kung Kung had to take his shower in the guest bathroom! But when I do shower in her bathroom, I had to make sure that the other half of the bathroom which has the toilet was dry. It's all a little weird - but it didn't affect me very much, so I didn't care.
She and Kung Kung often traveled and they had gone all the way to Disneyland in the US of A. At the age of 60 or so, she was still on roller-coasters and free-fall rides and also had the photos to prove it. She was also quite a glamourous lady - going for hair perms every Sundays - which my Kung Kung took her as she didn't drive nor took the public transport, she had on nail polish and would put on red lipstick when she went out.
She was fierce too. Everyone in the family went by her "rules" (no seating on the sofa, lights off 8pm, morning call at 4am... etc). My Ah Yee used to call her Empress Dowager. But she had never scolded me. Not so much as a spank either. I guess, I never gave her a reason to do so.
Sadly, after Kung Kung passed on in 1993, things somehow took a turn for the worse for her and for the family. My Kung Kung had always been the one taking care of her - doing the marketing, taking her out to perm her hair, etc. I think whilst she was saddened by his passing, she felt helpless without him around and perhaps, just perhaps, resented it a little. Also, at that time, Kow Fu already had a family of his own to take care of and was sometimes unable to accommodate her requests to ferry her for her hair perm or buy an onion. My Ah Yee - sadly, does not drive.
It was this period of time, where I hardly showed up at her place anymore. For me, I was trying to get over my Kung Kung's passing. Visiting the house only reminded me of his absence. And then, I was a little annoyed at the family for fighting over assets and all that. As a "child" - the "adults" felt that it was not in my place to make any comments. Especially so when I am only the grandchild on the daughter's side - which means - I am a "ngoi shuen" - which literally translates to "outside grandchild". All these irked me. As such, I no longer accompanied my parents to Por Por's house for weekend visits. I used to never missed a single weekend. I still made sure I showed up for the big occassions, like Mother's Day or Por Por's birthday.....
From here on - the close bond that I shared with my Por Por slowly, but surely..... fizzled away. One of the last fond remaining memories I had of my Por Por in good health was when she came to send me off at the airport when I went to Australia to finish my degree. And then, Por Por's health went downhill from there. Not rolling downhill, but slowly..... it started, leading right up to her being in a wheelchair now.
And it hadn't helped that Por Por's apparently giving a lot of troubles to my Mom who is trying to take care of her, and giving hell to the maid as well. I hear my Mom lament about these issues a lot. But for whatever reasons - everytime I go visit my Por Por (I would drop by once in a while to look in on her), she would be in her best behaviour. So, I am also at a loss. Because I am not able to see it with my own eyes.
Sometimes, when I do look in on Por Por, my heart would ache. Surely I would feel like shit too - if I am confined to a wheelchair. If you could just imagine - you were traveling the world, riding roller-coasters, going out for hi-teas et al..... and now, you can't even go to the toilet on your own or wear your own clothes...... I do think, she is sometimes difficult because to her - she had lost her dignity. She had never really been independent because my Kung Kung took care of her. And then she's had to live the last 17 years without him - and half of that, in this state of health. I feel very, very sorry for her.
Por Por taught me manners as a child. Through manners, I learnt about respect and dignity.
Por Por has all of my respect - simply because I carry about very fond memories of her from my childhood days and I know she was an excellent wife and housewife. Eccentric, but excellent. My only regret was never taking notes when I was watching her cook - or my life would've turned out quite differently!
But I think, most of all, Por Por deserves to have her dignity - despite the conditions of her health.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sometimes There Are Knots...
I've been very bad with keeping my blog up-to-date. Everyday, I have new things I wish to put in my blog. And then a lot of things get in my way. The 'things' getting in my way may seem to be excuses, but when I write, I prefer to be in the right frame of mind (unless I am writing in anger - then I don't give a shit).
It's been a long week and it's not exactly over. I just thought I'd take my mind elsewhere and I came to my friend's Kris' blog. Sometimes, it is so easy to be inspired. And without disappointing, a few of his posts did snap me out of it (at least for now, for me to write on my blog). Kris wrote about the choice of getting rid of individuals who are "negative" for oneself. Sometimes, I get really tired - not from working on the real work, but from dealing with people. It can be really tiring - when you have to smoothen the edges of ruffled feathers, or having to dance on egg shells around someone, or if you're trying to convince a recalcitrant client who insists that you're supposed to fork out your own per diems,.... or simply, your own staff or even a stranger at the pool.
I really enjoy my non-team sports training. Swimming, Cycling and Running - all of which... are individual sports. Especially in the pool - when you're away from everything and you're just counting laps and pushing for a personal best time. My time in the pool and the gym are almost like my sanctuary. Until this little drama that occured a few days ago.
After living in Cambodia for close to 2 years now, I am getting more and more disgusted with the people here - and this is a whole new story for another day. One of the thing about them (and I know I am generalizing) is their seemingly non-existent basic hygiene knowledge. They throw rubbish everywhere, even right in front of their own homes, they spit everywhere, they pee everywhere and they blow their noses into the pool.
It greatly annoys me and disgusts me. Now, a few days ago - I was beginning my swim - and I was a little late - I usually swim at 4.30am - an hour where I have no need to share the pool with anyone. But on that particular day, I was there at 6am and so were a few other locals. One middle-aged man was happily blowing is nose and clearing his throat and spitting it all out at the edge of the pool. Annoyed, I told him "Please don't do that. It is dirty." I didn't shout, I didn't raise my voice, I told him politely, albeit firmly. Then I went on my swim.
When I got out of the pool, this idiot came back and started shouting at me. "Do you know who I am?!!! Do you know who I am???!!! You have no right to tell me not to do anything!!" Not wishing to cause a scene, I quickly got dressed while he continued his verbal diarrhoe. Irritated, I told him "No, I really have no idea who you are. I'm sorry." And then menacingly, he threatened me! "You better be careful. You better watch out."
I can't believe the nerve of him. But then again, this is one of those "Welcome to Cambodia" factors - which is really getting under my skin. Even a miserable lowly minister in the government can get away with murder. And I have no clue who this guy was!! As I hate having to watch my back everywhere I go, I made a distress call to a friend. At least, I'm slightly comforted by the fact that I am just a phone call away from mobilizing the PMU (Prime Minister's Unit) guards. I wonder how near they are should I really be sprayed with... say acid?? Hmmm... (But if anything does happen to me - remember - it can only be this guy from the Himawari gym!!!)
As it turned out, I'm still here, writing my blog. As Kris would say - that was a probably a "close shave". And maybe I should "live life to the fullest everyday". And maybe I should equip myself with more positive thoughts. And maybe I should "pursue my aspirations now rather than later." Try. Try. Try.
Like Kris, I am also, still.. a work-in-progress.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
My Family
(a working draft of my novel : "Growing Up A Chinese Daughter")
It's the time of the year to celebrate Cheng Beng Festival and since my Grandpa's passing, I had not missed a single Cheng Beng. This year, however, I reflected and realized all the more - how important my family is to me.
I was actually feeling rather down in the dumps (apparently, I can blame it on PMS :P) and reaching the point of burning out with the stress and of course, not to mention - the upsetting fiasco with Mr. Deep Throat.
Whatever negative feelings I was carrying with me for the past few weeks just as soon, disappeared the moment I was back with my entire family in the kampung. The mixture of my beloved kampung and the natural closeness and comfort between me and my family just made me feel really comforted. Of course, top that off with the delicious food in Tanjung Tualang or the simple home-cooked meals... I feel..... I'm home.
My family - is not without their individual dramas. You know how it is, this person doesn't get along with that person, etc, etc. However, every year, all the differences are set aside to celebrate Chinese New Year and Cheng Beng together. And there's one thing I know and learnt from them - is that when one person is in trouble, the whole family will be concerned. Just like the year (in my teenage rebellion), I ran away from home, the whole family was ... you know, worried and concerned for me. Or when my Ah Sum and Suk Suk nearly got a divorce....... the one person which surprises me the most is always my Yee Suk. He seems the most anti-social and does not talk nor mix with the family - however, miraculously, he seems to know what is going on. Of course, I do feed him with information whenever I see him :) I am good like that - I am close to all of them. In any case - it comforts me to know, I have solid support from my family. (And I know if MOH ever bullies me - my Yee Suk will skin him alive!!)
Anyone who have had the chance to get to know my crazy family will know - we are indeed a crazy bunch. We annoy each other, we poke fun at each other and there is a lot of laughter in the house. It is like my source of entertainment. That is why, every year, I look forward to Chinese New Year. It is the time to really unwind with the family after a year of hard work. It works the same during Cheng Beng. And last weekend, during our family's 5th Cheng Beng, I realized that I really, really, really miss this while I am working overseas.
My family is not rich. In fact - the most educated would be my Dad - who is a retired headmaster. The rest of his siblings are either mechanics, electricians, tailors or cooks. They can barely read English and hardly finished their primary education. But they do have a lot of wisdom to impart.
I have learnt, through my family - to earn an honest living. There is no reason to cheat and of course, it goes without saying that if you're lazy - you get nothing.
I have learnt, through my family - to be happy. Happy with life. Of course, it doesn't mean to be complacent. There's a Chinese saying that goes like this : "If you don't have such a big head, don't wear such a big cap."
I have learnt, through my family - to live within my means. There are days when we have to eat plain porridge for our meals and there are days when we get to eat succulent prawns.
I have learnt, through my family - to be independent - yet, to maintain a close bond with the family because this is where your root lies. I would elaborate on this - all the years, growing up, I had rebelled - because the more they preached family bonds and closeness, the more I felt they had a control over me. I could not understand this point until the year I was in Australia and I missed Chinese New Year for the first time. Let me tell you this - I was utterly miserable. Not just because I missed my family - I also realized that without my family - I have no idea what or who I am. The customs and traditions practised by my family has moulded me and given me an identity. Now that I am all grown-up - I understand this simple concept so clearly.
I have learnt, through my family - not to be a coward. Stand up for myself and don't take crap sitting down. (which I took a little too literally and much to their chagrin - I'm such a firecracker!!). My entire family votes for the Opposition :)
I had a long chat with my Grandma over the weekend when I was back. I told her how frustrated and upset I was with the whole Mr Deep Throat fiasco and how I ended up on the losing end at the end of the day. She had this to say to me : "You were never raised to be a coward. You were raised to know what is right and what is wrong and when you deserve something and when you don't. Be proud that you stood up for what you know is right. Even if you get the job, you make all the money, if you're not happy doing it, it amounts to nothing."
Grandma summed it all up.
I guess in my own ways, I have learnt (and is still learning) a lot of things from this family. But I guess, we shall save those for another day of writing.
I was actually feeling rather down in the dumps (apparently, I can blame it on PMS :P) and reaching the point of burning out with the stress and of course, not to mention - the upsetting fiasco with Mr. Deep Throat.
Whatever negative feelings I was carrying with me for the past few weeks just as soon, disappeared the moment I was back with my entire family in the kampung. The mixture of my beloved kampung and the natural closeness and comfort between me and my family just made me feel really comforted. Of course, top that off with the delicious food in Tanjung Tualang or the simple home-cooked meals... I feel..... I'm home.
My family - is not without their individual dramas. You know how it is, this person doesn't get along with that person, etc, etc. However, every year, all the differences are set aside to celebrate Chinese New Year and Cheng Beng together. And there's one thing I know and learnt from them - is that when one person is in trouble, the whole family will be concerned. Just like the year (in my teenage rebellion), I ran away from home, the whole family was ... you know, worried and concerned for me. Or when my Ah Sum and Suk Suk nearly got a divorce....... the one person which surprises me the most is always my Yee Suk. He seems the most anti-social and does not talk nor mix with the family - however, miraculously, he seems to know what is going on. Of course, I do feed him with information whenever I see him :) I am good like that - I am close to all of them. In any case - it comforts me to know, I have solid support from my family. (And I know if MOH ever bullies me - my Yee Suk will skin him alive!!)
Anyone who have had the chance to get to know my crazy family will know - we are indeed a crazy bunch. We annoy each other, we poke fun at each other and there is a lot of laughter in the house. It is like my source of entertainment. That is why, every year, I look forward to Chinese New Year. It is the time to really unwind with the family after a year of hard work. It works the same during Cheng Beng. And last weekend, during our family's 5th Cheng Beng, I realized that I really, really, really miss this while I am working overseas.
My family is not rich. In fact - the most educated would be my Dad - who is a retired headmaster. The rest of his siblings are either mechanics, electricians, tailors or cooks. They can barely read English and hardly finished their primary education. But they do have a lot of wisdom to impart.
I have learnt, through my family - to earn an honest living. There is no reason to cheat and of course, it goes without saying that if you're lazy - you get nothing.
I have learnt, through my family - to be happy. Happy with life. Of course, it doesn't mean to be complacent. There's a Chinese saying that goes like this : "If you don't have such a big head, don't wear such a big cap."
I have learnt, through my family - to live within my means. There are days when we have to eat plain porridge for our meals and there are days when we get to eat succulent prawns.
I have learnt, through my family - to be independent - yet, to maintain a close bond with the family because this is where your root lies. I would elaborate on this - all the years, growing up, I had rebelled - because the more they preached family bonds and closeness, the more I felt they had a control over me. I could not understand this point until the year I was in Australia and I missed Chinese New Year for the first time. Let me tell you this - I was utterly miserable. Not just because I missed my family - I also realized that without my family - I have no idea what or who I am. The customs and traditions practised by my family has moulded me and given me an identity. Now that I am all grown-up - I understand this simple concept so clearly.
I have learnt, through my family - not to be a coward. Stand up for myself and don't take crap sitting down. (which I took a little too literally and much to their chagrin - I'm such a firecracker!!). My entire family votes for the Opposition :)
I had a long chat with my Grandma over the weekend when I was back. I told her how frustrated and upset I was with the whole Mr Deep Throat fiasco and how I ended up on the losing end at the end of the day. She had this to say to me : "You were never raised to be a coward. You were raised to know what is right and what is wrong and when you deserve something and when you don't. Be proud that you stood up for what you know is right. Even if you get the job, you make all the money, if you're not happy doing it, it amounts to nothing."
Grandma summed it all up.
I guess in my own ways, I have learnt (and is still learning) a lot of things from this family. But I guess, we shall save those for another day of writing.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Exploitation At Its Finest
I haven't written in my blog for a while now. Not because I have nothing to write about. But there's been a lot of things happening on both the work front - busy, busy, busy as always and taking on more than I can chew - my partner-in-crime Leticia Hsu will agree cos her plate is over-the-top too! - As well as on the personal front - caring for a Hep A patient (MOH), homesick after CNY, trying to keep myself motivated to train for the Ironman (at this point, it is a big joke), etc. Suddenly, in a flash of a flash, it's 1st quarter of the year, GONE.
But today, right now, there is so much anger and frustration in me that I need to channel this somewhere immediately or else, there might be hell to pay! (And I certainly can't go and swim another 100 laps or so since I just did that over lunch hour!).
After months of going back and forth on the Red C budgets for the brand activation work - and I am seriously talking heart-breaking 16 revisions on the costings over a period of 4 months, the client finally piled on the straw that broke the camel's back. For the sake of letting me relief my anger - let's just call him Mr. Deep Throat (part of his name does have this phrase). Now, Mr. Deep Throat is new in Cambodia and is sitting on the almighty throne here thinking he knows best. Ok, he's the client, it's his brand, it's his product. Good.
First round, he came up with all these funny "ratios" on how the budgets and sampling targets work. Funnily - which nobody could comprehend. USD4,500 project budget, to sample a target of 72,000 bottles in 6 provinces. Mind you - Red C themselves had found out that the license fee per province is USD300. You do the math. It leaves us with an unrealistic budget to sample 72,000 freaking bottles. Does Mr. Deep Throat buy that? Of course not! "I've done it before!" he says. Where? In India? But this is Cambodia, my friend!
For those who have done sampling activities for beverages, you will know the process is a tedious one. Chilling, sampling, collection of empty bottles (and believe it or not, Red C only allows a 3% breakage & loss and anything above that, we get charged USD0.50 per bottle unaccounted for), hours in the hot sun, rain, whatever. So we counter-proposed. We keep to the budget, but we sample less bottles. We still want to try to maintain the overall brand image - I mean, after all, it IS Red C. You don't want to look shabby or cheapskate, do you? But Mr. Deep Throat's answer was "I don't care about all that. My sole objective is to touch bottles to lips." Errr...... if so, with all due respect, Sir - why does Red C as a company, spend so much money on branding internationally? Why hire brand managers? (By the way - Mr. Deep Throat is not a brand manager. I do not know his position.)
Nevermind that - I also explained to Mr Deep Throat that has he ever tried to bottoms-up a full bottle of Red C? Since we need to collect bottles and I am short of manpower due to the peanut budget, I need to force consumers to down the bottle of Red C as fast as possible. My team (bless them for soldiering on) did an experiment previously when we sampled another brand - and to down a bottle of carbonated drink takes 2 minutes. They were burping and generally feeling quite ill after the 3rd bottle. Once again - do the math - 2 minutes per bottle for a bottoms-up "brand experience" for the consumers. I don't need to tell you the outcome for your product and the fact that once again - the figures are UNREALISTIC. (At this point, it seems to me, Mr Deep Throat is really pulling numbers out of his freaking ass).
Whatever it may be, we worked on it and worked on it, and worked some more. Finally coming to a reasonably agreeable budget. But was that enough for Mr Deep Throat? No. Today, he said our agency fee should be cut down to a miserable 7% of the total sampling cost. 7%????? This was what angered me so much. Who is this MORON to tell me what my agency deserves to earn? And of course, WHERE THE FUCK is he getting his 7% figure from??? I am so pissed mad. Just because this is Cambodia, you think labour cost is cheap??? Where does he get off?? I ask ANY OF YOU out there - will you consider paying ANYONE USD1.50 to work 8 hours a day - outdoors, rain, shine or snow??? So, yea, where does he get off???
I am waiting for them to send me a black & white confirmation that it is indeed 7% and I will respond with a "No, Thank You Very Much" email of my own. There comes a point where enough is enough, I guess. Whatever your brand may be. So what if it is Red C? You can be fucking Nike for all I care, but when you start exploiting people - it is plain WRONG. Especially more so if you are a global brand. I know it is the economically bad times, but do not use that as an excuse to exploit the people of a third-world country!
I've written about this previously and you can read it again here. Everybody has a budget. Be sensible, SENSITIVE and reasonable.
Some might say this is work. Don't take it personally. Of course I take it personally! This is my work, this is my baby, for crying out loud! I built this company with passion and I train my team to take pride in their work. But if their pride costs a miserable amount of USD0.70 per day (working out to be our current "agency fee" after the 7% fiasco) - what freaking pride is that? I know they are Cambodians, but it does not make them any lesser of a human beings than anyone of us out there!! So, yes, I am freaking pissed off, hopping mad!
At the moment, I am feeling extreme hatred for Mr Deep Throat and the brand that he represents right now. For those who know me, would know that I hate injustice. Exploitation is injustice. Ok, to rationalize it, Mr Deep Throat is probably not out to get me. He's probably just "doing his job". But that's the difference between him and me - I am a businesswoman. He's NOT.
For my friends reading this article - if you are a Red C drinker - support me by boycotting Red C products for just one day. Take your whiskey on-the-rocks. Drink Blue Pill. Whatever it may be. I thank you in advance for indulging me in my rash display of anger.
But today, right now, there is so much anger and frustration in me that I need to channel this somewhere immediately or else, there might be hell to pay! (And I certainly can't go and swim another 100 laps or so since I just did that over lunch hour!).
After months of going back and forth on the Red C budgets for the brand activation work - and I am seriously talking heart-breaking 16 revisions on the costings over a period of 4 months, the client finally piled on the straw that broke the camel's back. For the sake of letting me relief my anger - let's just call him Mr. Deep Throat (part of his name does have this phrase). Now, Mr. Deep Throat is new in Cambodia and is sitting on the almighty throne here thinking he knows best. Ok, he's the client, it's his brand, it's his product. Good.
First round, he came up with all these funny "ratios" on how the budgets and sampling targets work. Funnily - which nobody could comprehend. USD4,500 project budget, to sample a target of 72,000 bottles in 6 provinces. Mind you - Red C themselves had found out that the license fee per province is USD300. You do the math. It leaves us with an unrealistic budget to sample 72,000 freaking bottles. Does Mr. Deep Throat buy that? Of course not! "I've done it before!" he says. Where? In India? But this is Cambodia, my friend!
For those who have done sampling activities for beverages, you will know the process is a tedious one. Chilling, sampling, collection of empty bottles (and believe it or not, Red C only allows a 3% breakage & loss and anything above that, we get charged USD0.50 per bottle unaccounted for), hours in the hot sun, rain, whatever. So we counter-proposed. We keep to the budget, but we sample less bottles. We still want to try to maintain the overall brand image - I mean, after all, it IS Red C. You don't want to look shabby or cheapskate, do you? But Mr. Deep Throat's answer was "I don't care about all that. My sole objective is to touch bottles to lips." Errr...... if so, with all due respect, Sir - why does Red C as a company, spend so much money on branding internationally? Why hire brand managers? (By the way - Mr. Deep Throat is not a brand manager. I do not know his position.)
Nevermind that - I also explained to Mr Deep Throat that has he ever tried to bottoms-up a full bottle of Red C? Since we need to collect bottles and I am short of manpower due to the peanut budget, I need to force consumers to down the bottle of Red C as fast as possible. My team (bless them for soldiering on) did an experiment previously when we sampled another brand - and to down a bottle of carbonated drink takes 2 minutes. They were burping and generally feeling quite ill after the 3rd bottle. Once again - do the math - 2 minutes per bottle for a bottoms-up "brand experience" for the consumers. I don't need to tell you the outcome for your product and the fact that once again - the figures are UNREALISTIC. (At this point, it seems to me, Mr Deep Throat is really pulling numbers out of his freaking ass).
Whatever it may be, we worked on it and worked on it, and worked some more. Finally coming to a reasonably agreeable budget. But was that enough for Mr Deep Throat? No. Today, he said our agency fee should be cut down to a miserable 7% of the total sampling cost. 7%????? This was what angered me so much. Who is this MORON to tell me what my agency deserves to earn? And of course, WHERE THE FUCK is he getting his 7% figure from??? I am so pissed mad. Just because this is Cambodia, you think labour cost is cheap??? Where does he get off?? I ask ANY OF YOU out there - will you consider paying ANYONE USD1.50 to work 8 hours a day - outdoors, rain, shine or snow??? So, yea, where does he get off???
I am waiting for them to send me a black & white confirmation that it is indeed 7% and I will respond with a "No, Thank You Very Much" email of my own. There comes a point where enough is enough, I guess. Whatever your brand may be. So what if it is Red C? You can be fucking Nike for all I care, but when you start exploiting people - it is plain WRONG. Especially more so if you are a global brand. I know it is the economically bad times, but do not use that as an excuse to exploit the people of a third-world country!
I've written about this previously and you can read it again here. Everybody has a budget. Be sensible, SENSITIVE and reasonable.
Some might say this is work. Don't take it personally. Of course I take it personally! This is my work, this is my baby, for crying out loud! I built this company with passion and I train my team to take pride in their work. But if their pride costs a miserable amount of USD0.70 per day (working out to be our current "agency fee" after the 7% fiasco) - what freaking pride is that? I know they are Cambodians, but it does not make them any lesser of a human beings than anyone of us out there!! So, yes, I am freaking pissed off, hopping mad!
At the moment, I am feeling extreme hatred for Mr Deep Throat and the brand that he represents right now. For those who know me, would know that I hate injustice. Exploitation is injustice. Ok, to rationalize it, Mr Deep Throat is probably not out to get me. He's probably just "doing his job". But that's the difference between him and me - I am a businesswoman. He's NOT.
For my friends reading this article - if you are a Red C drinker - support me by boycotting Red C products for just one day. Take your whiskey on-the-rocks. Drink Blue Pill. Whatever it may be. I thank you in advance for indulging me in my rash display of anger.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My New Year's Day Punishment
1st January 2010. The first day of a new decade. My brains whir into life. I open my eyes, smiling. Then, the pounding in the head began it's torture (which, unfortunately for me, was to last for a long, long time). Suddenly, the memories of the new year's eve celebration the night before came zooming through. And horrifyingly, there's an entire chunk which I could not, for the life of me recall. How the hell did I end up back in bed, naked? In a panicked state, I shook MOH who was snoring next to me. A mumble.
"What happened last night?" I asked, as the throbbing pain in the head continued.
"I'll tell you later." More snoring.
I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to recall.
The evening's celebration started off rather lamely. We had a home-cooked meal of chicken & pumpkin porridge. It sounds like a poor man's meal, sure. But it was so yummy and tasty, MOH and I had a great time eating dinner at home. I think it was generally a happy meal because we both could enjoy such a simple dinner in each other's company. Then, we stayed in watching chinese drama series, passing time till it was time to walk over to the FCC for the countdown.
Over at the FCC, DJ Illest was spinning - always a good thing. It was of course packed with revellers shaking their booties and throwing back shots after shots. We both hung around near the bar with our drinks and started people watching. In general, it was fun and in my mind, I thought we'd stay till countdown, watch some fireworks and then walk back home and crawl into bed. The mood was generally quite good. For me, the year ended on a really good note despite some last minute scares during the week. And I was looking forward to the brand new year ahead. So many things to do and a world to conquer!
And then my local partner and best friend, Ashley showed up with some friends and one of our clients cum my newfound friend from Orange County - Sean. This was when the plan for "go-back-right-after-countdown" went out the window. We had the countdown right at midnight and stayed on for a few more drinks. And then, we hopped over to the Riverhouse lounge - for more "partying". It was too noisy and crowded so we went downstairs instead and sat down like old folks with a couple of bottles of wine. One would've thought that picture quite tame. Except - I had no idea what compelled me to stop counting my drinks (Of course, now that I am sober enough to write this, I am going to blame it all on Sean). The last thing I remembered was watching the swimming leg of the triathlon on ESPN at the Riverhouse. And then, what else followed after that was a COMPLETE blank. Oh My God.
I rolled myself out of bed, forcing myself to get up. Perhaps a shower would do me some good. I jumped into the shower, head pounding and my whole body felt like I had just been through a train wreck and came back out alive. Every muscle was shaking, head pounding. I groaned. This was not how I imagined spending my first day of the year. The time - a little after 12noon. Crap. We missed New Year's brunch at Hagar's too. But I didn't feel like I could eat anything. Aaargh. I swear, I can't remember the last time I got this drunk - voluntarily. These were stuff juvenile delinquents did. Not an adult woman. Aargh. Aargh. Aargh.
MOH woke up and I pressed him for last night's details. Apparently, we even went for Midnight Porridge - which nobody finished the meal since that was when I was asking to go home. And apparently, I could not even stand up by myself nor walk up the stairs to my apartment. And starkingly horrible - in between laughs, MOH told me I was sleeping on the toilet floor while he tried to shower me and I was throwing up - you know, all the usual stuff a drunkard did. Aargh! Juvenile. Juvenile. Juvenile.
I threw up one more time after I showered in the morning. I could still taste the sickening alcohol in my mouth, my breath. I had to sit down with my hand propping my head up and I was still feeling rather drunk. Not just hungover - but drunk!
MOH, ..... I think what I really want to remember of New Year's Day - 2010 - the first new year's we celebrate as husband & wife is how MOH had relentlessly, patiently, taken care of me the entire night and the whole of New Year's Day while I recuperated. He got me a range of beverages to fight nausea and dehydration. He stroked my hair, he kissed me, he laughed at me. And all I could think of was imagining the sight of me lying on the toilet floor. That would've been grounds for divorce if ever there should be one! But not only did he not scold me nor lecture me, neither did he say anything mean to me. He made some lunch for me at home (I'm sorry we missed New Year's brunch! I really am!) and after lunch, I went back to sleep.
I woke up close to 5pm still not feeling much better. In fact, I felt rather sorry for the state I was in and of course, ruining the day for MOH too. But MOH - ensuring he kept to his wedding vows, just loved me, come what may. He said we should both get out for some air and he said we should go for a nice dinner as it was after all, New Year's Day. I relented - since it was because of me, we missed New Year's brunch. I changed in pain, my entire body seemed detached from my brains.
But we did get to La Volpaia for a nice Italian meal with Insalata Caprese and I had the Squid Ink Pasta - which was really tasty. MOH even had the cheek to asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. If my head wasn't pounding too much, I would've smacked him one. But all I could do was stick my tongue out at him. After dinner, we even went to Bayon Supermarket's grand opening and did some groceries - it being grand opening, we got a 10% discount off our total bill and a free large tin of chocolate wafers. So, considering all that, not a bad first day of the year. If only my head would stop pounding.
It had taken me two and a half days to recover - and I still feel a little lethargic. Seriously - gone through war and back. I've even got cuts on my arms which were unaccounted for! God knows what really happened! I guess, the body is no longer as young as I thought it was. I remembered a time where I could entertain any clients, mix my drinks and drink anyone under the table - yet, get to work bright and early. Ahhh, to be young again. But I stopped drinking when I started getting serious with my athletic performance. The alcohol slows everything down. I can certainly vouch for that - I was this close to getting alcohol poisoning 2 days ago :P The body is in such shock. I bet my liver is still upset with me. I can hear it bitching about me.
But you know how they say - there's a good thing that comes out of a bad thing. Just watching how MOH had patiently taken care of me and loving me through my drunken stupor had made me feel really lucky. Yes, thank God he was there and IS there for me. Otherwise, God only knows who would I be waking up next to - naked. *Gasp!*
Moral of the story : Don't ever binge-drink again. I don't know how some people do it weekends after weekends. But frankly - I think it is a very good thing I am now repulsed by the sight and smell of alcohol. It is now time to start my training again. Once again - a Happy New Year to all!
"What happened last night?" I asked, as the throbbing pain in the head continued.
"I'll tell you later." More snoring.
I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to recall.
The evening's celebration started off rather lamely. We had a home-cooked meal of chicken & pumpkin porridge. It sounds like a poor man's meal, sure. But it was so yummy and tasty, MOH and I had a great time eating dinner at home. I think it was generally a happy meal because we both could enjoy such a simple dinner in each other's company. Then, we stayed in watching chinese drama series, passing time till it was time to walk over to the FCC for the countdown.
Over at the FCC, DJ Illest was spinning - always a good thing. It was of course packed with revellers shaking their booties and throwing back shots after shots. We both hung around near the bar with our drinks and started people watching. In general, it was fun and in my mind, I thought we'd stay till countdown, watch some fireworks and then walk back home and crawl into bed. The mood was generally quite good. For me, the year ended on a really good note despite some last minute scares during the week. And I was looking forward to the brand new year ahead. So many things to do and a world to conquer!
And then my local partner and best friend, Ashley showed up with some friends and one of our clients cum my newfound friend from Orange County - Sean. This was when the plan for "go-back-right-after-countdown" went out the window. We had the countdown right at midnight and stayed on for a few more drinks. And then, we hopped over to the Riverhouse lounge - for more "partying". It was too noisy and crowded so we went downstairs instead and sat down like old folks with a couple of bottles of wine. One would've thought that picture quite tame. Except - I had no idea what compelled me to stop counting my drinks (Of course, now that I am sober enough to write this, I am going to blame it all on Sean). The last thing I remembered was watching the swimming leg of the triathlon on ESPN at the Riverhouse. And then, what else followed after that was a COMPLETE blank. Oh My God.
I rolled myself out of bed, forcing myself to get up. Perhaps a shower would do me some good. I jumped into the shower, head pounding and my whole body felt like I had just been through a train wreck and came back out alive. Every muscle was shaking, head pounding. I groaned. This was not how I imagined spending my first day of the year. The time - a little after 12noon. Crap. We missed New Year's brunch at Hagar's too. But I didn't feel like I could eat anything. Aaargh. I swear, I can't remember the last time I got this drunk - voluntarily. These were stuff juvenile delinquents did. Not an adult woman. Aargh. Aargh. Aargh.
MOH woke up and I pressed him for last night's details. Apparently, we even went for Midnight Porridge - which nobody finished the meal since that was when I was asking to go home. And apparently, I could not even stand up by myself nor walk up the stairs to my apartment. And starkingly horrible - in between laughs, MOH told me I was sleeping on the toilet floor while he tried to shower me and I was throwing up - you know, all the usual stuff a drunkard did. Aargh! Juvenile. Juvenile. Juvenile.
I threw up one more time after I showered in the morning. I could still taste the sickening alcohol in my mouth, my breath. I had to sit down with my hand propping my head up and I was still feeling rather drunk. Not just hungover - but drunk!
MOH, ..... I think what I really want to remember of New Year's Day - 2010 - the first new year's we celebrate as husband & wife is how MOH had relentlessly, patiently, taken care of me the entire night and the whole of New Year's Day while I recuperated. He got me a range of beverages to fight nausea and dehydration. He stroked my hair, he kissed me, he laughed at me. And all I could think of was imagining the sight of me lying on the toilet floor. That would've been grounds for divorce if ever there should be one! But not only did he not scold me nor lecture me, neither did he say anything mean to me. He made some lunch for me at home (I'm sorry we missed New Year's brunch! I really am!) and after lunch, I went back to sleep.
I woke up close to 5pm still not feeling much better. In fact, I felt rather sorry for the state I was in and of course, ruining the day for MOH too. But MOH - ensuring he kept to his wedding vows, just loved me, come what may. He said we should both get out for some air and he said we should go for a nice dinner as it was after all, New Year's Day. I relented - since it was because of me, we missed New Year's brunch. I changed in pain, my entire body seemed detached from my brains.
But we did get to La Volpaia for a nice Italian meal with Insalata Caprese and I had the Squid Ink Pasta - which was really tasty. MOH even had the cheek to asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. If my head wasn't pounding too much, I would've smacked him one. But all I could do was stick my tongue out at him. After dinner, we even went to Bayon Supermarket's grand opening and did some groceries - it being grand opening, we got a 10% discount off our total bill and a free large tin of chocolate wafers. So, considering all that, not a bad first day of the year. If only my head would stop pounding.
It had taken me two and a half days to recover - and I still feel a little lethargic. Seriously - gone through war and back. I've even got cuts on my arms which were unaccounted for! God knows what really happened! I guess, the body is no longer as young as I thought it was. I remembered a time where I could entertain any clients, mix my drinks and drink anyone under the table - yet, get to work bright and early. Ahhh, to be young again. But I stopped drinking when I started getting serious with my athletic performance. The alcohol slows everything down. I can certainly vouch for that - I was this close to getting alcohol poisoning 2 days ago :P The body is in such shock. I bet my liver is still upset with me. I can hear it bitching about me.
But you know how they say - there's a good thing that comes out of a bad thing. Just watching how MOH had patiently taken care of me and loving me through my drunken stupor had made me feel really lucky. Yes, thank God he was there and IS there for me. Otherwise, God only knows who would I be waking up next to - naked. *Gasp!*
Moral of the story : Don't ever binge-drink again. I don't know how some people do it weekends after weekends. But frankly - I think it is a very good thing I am now repulsed by the sight and smell of alcohol. It is now time to start my training again. Once again - a Happy New Year to all!
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