As such, I've decided that I would like to write about these great persons whom I am lucky enough to be part of in a family, who are so much a part of my life before it is too late. I'll start with my Por Por (maternal grandma).
You know how it is with old folks from those days. You never get their age correct, for some reason. Remind me to steal a peek at Por Por's IC the next time I get a chance. My Por Por is now confined to a wheelchair and sadly, I am no longer as closed to her as I used to be as a kid.
When I was still in school - right up to my teenage years, most of my school holidays were spent staying over at Por Por's place down in KL. I am pretty sure my Mom was glad I was out of her hair, but mostly - I asked to stay because simply said - I enjoyed myself. I only have very vague memories of the place in Chow Kit - when my great grandmother, Ah Tai was still around. What I recall more was the place near Jalan Tun Razak - which is also Por Por's current address.
Here's how a typical day would be back then :
The entire household would get up as early as 4am in the mornings. My Kung Kung, my Kow Fu, my Ah Yee and of course, my Por Por. My Por Por would send my Kung Kung off to the market to get breakfast for the family (we would each place our orders with Kung Kung - except me. He already knew what my favourite breakfast was and even how I liked it packed!). And he would also shop for the ingredients for that day's lunch and dinner menu.
He would come back with all the items - never missing a single thing from Por Por's list (even though he never took notes) and we would all sit down for morning breakfast together. Sometimes, I would follow Kung Kung out to the market - because it was extremely enjoyable and he would buy extra "goodies" for me - like almond nuts or century eggs - both of which he and I enjoyed very much.
Anyway, after breakfast, everyone would leave for work. And there would only be myself and Por Por left in the house. Por Por was a full-time housewife and from young, I've always observed how she strived to take care of the family and the house without help. She would sweep the floor, mop the floor, hang the laundry outside and wipe dust off the furnitures and displays in the mornings. Then, she would be preparing lunch in the kitchen - while listening to Radio 5's "Chinese Story Time." (Me? I would be doing my homework or reading my book - and I think part of why I enjoyed staying with Por Por was because I escaped doing the household chores at home!). When she was preparing lunch, I would climb onto a stool in the kitchen and watch her. The mincing, slicing, chopping, shredding, frying, stewing, boiling, - everything!.
What I really remember most of my stay with my Por Por was the fabulous home-cooked food she whipped up during my stay. As the "guest-of-honour" during my stays, I got to demand for my favourite dishes! And they were all home-cooked Hakka dishes - which my Por Por specializes in. There's the Cha Chu Yuk, Gu Low Yuk, Yong Tau Foo, and then there's her special Chicken Curry, Assam Fish.... and then my favourite - Minced Dried Shrimp and Belacan fried extra spicy just for me! I could finish two bowls of rice just on this dish alone!
Anyway, I was really fascinated as a kid to watch her do magic in the kitchen. I would be asking so many questions : "Por Por, why you do this? Por Por, why you put this inside? Por Por, why this, Por Por, why that?" But she would patiently explain to me all the 'whys'. Sometimes, she would let me stir whatever she's cooking and I would proudly exclaim that "Look, Por Por! I can cook!" and she would say "So clever."
She would be done by around the same time as when the radio chinese drama ends. And then she would do the ironing. After which - yummy, yummy, lunch is served for me. She would sit and eat with me. She would always tell me when I was a baby, I was so well-behaved when she was baby-sitting me. She says this of both my brother and I till today. After lunch - all I needed to do was to bring my plate over to the sink. She would do the washing (another plus point of staying with Por Por!). And then, I would go back to entertaining myself while she does the laundry.
After that, she would sit on the floor to read the newspaper - Sin Chew Jit Poh (where my Kung Kung was a journalist with) and sometimes, I would ask her what's happening or I would try to point out some chinese characters which I could recognize. And then, she would fall asleep on the floor. Everyday, same time, same spot. When she woke up, she would bring in the clothes and start folding them or starching them. She's the type who made sure even my Kung Kung's boxers are ironed tediously.
And then I would get cartoon TV time while she prepared for dinner. Even though there were leftovers from lunch, she would still make a fresh dish or two for dinner as everyone came home for dinner then. This would be my yummy-yummy round two for the day :) She would also be preparing dinner for Tony, the doggy. She would stew some bones and rice for the dog. (Tony grew up at the Chow Kit house and moved together with the family till he too, passed on, shortly after Kung Kung passed away.... from heartbreak..... )
While I watched cartoons, Kung Kung would get home. And Por Por would come out and fetched his house slippers for him and laid out his home-clothings (white singlet and boxer shorts) for him while he took a shower. And then she would continue to potter around the kitchen. Kung Kung usually took a short nap while waiting for dinner to be served and then I got to eat dinner with Kung Kung. Usually, we would finish dinner before my Ah Yee and Kow Fu got back from work (and sometimes, I would go in for round three with them! I was a growing child then :P) While we were having dinner, Por Por would be feeding Tony. Yes, feeding Tony with a spoon. Again, I would usually watch in fascination at this.
And then, we would all sit to watch the Chinese News on RTM2 (now TV2) in which, there shall be no talking or whispering as my Kung Kung demands absolute silence when he watched the news. After the news - we sat around watching a chinese drama series or some other programmes and then guess what? It would be bed time. For all. That would be barely 9pm. Such was a typical day at Por Por's place.
My Por Por had a very eccentric characteristic. Her sofa set - was not meant to be sat on. Only if guests came. We usually sat on the floor or on some foot stools. Only two persons were allowed to shower in her bathroom - me (I am after all - the guest of honour :P) and Por Por. Even my Kung Kung had to take his shower in the guest bathroom! But when I do shower in her bathroom, I had to make sure that the other half of the bathroom which has the toilet was dry. It's all a little weird - but it didn't affect me very much, so I didn't care.
She and Kung Kung often traveled and they had gone all the way to Disneyland in the US of A. At the age of 60 or so, she was still on roller-coasters and free-fall rides and also had the photos to prove it. She was also quite a glamourous lady - going for hair perms every Sundays - which my Kung Kung took her as she didn't drive nor took the public transport, she had on nail polish and would put on red lipstick when she went out.
She was fierce too. Everyone in the family went by her "rules" (no seating on the sofa, lights off 8pm, morning call at 4am... etc). My Ah Yee used to call her Empress Dowager. But she had never scolded me. Not so much as a spank either. I guess, I never gave her a reason to do so.
Sadly, after Kung Kung passed on in 1993, things somehow took a turn for the worse for her and for the family. My Kung Kung had always been the one taking care of her - doing the marketing, taking her out to perm her hair, etc. I think whilst she was saddened by his passing, she felt helpless without him around and perhaps, just perhaps, resented it a little. Also, at that time, Kow Fu already had a family of his own to take care of and was sometimes unable to accommodate her requests to ferry her for her hair perm or buy an onion. My Ah Yee - sadly, does not drive.
It was this period of time, where I hardly showed up at her place anymore. For me, I was trying to get over my Kung Kung's passing. Visiting the house only reminded me of his absence. And then, I was a little annoyed at the family for fighting over assets and all that. As a "child" - the "adults" felt that it was not in my place to make any comments. Especially so when I am only the grandchild on the daughter's side - which means - I am a "ngoi shuen" - which literally translates to "outside grandchild". All these irked me. As such, I no longer accompanied my parents to Por Por's house for weekend visits. I used to never missed a single weekend. I still made sure I showed up for the big occassions, like Mother's Day or Por Por's birthday.....
From here on - the close bond that I shared with my Por Por slowly, but surely..... fizzled away. One of the last fond remaining memories I had of my Por Por in good health was when she came to send me off at the airport when I went to Australia to finish my degree. And then, Por Por's health went downhill from there. Not rolling downhill, but slowly..... it started, leading right up to her being in a wheelchair now.
And it hadn't helped that Por Por's apparently giving a lot of troubles to my Mom who is trying to take care of her, and giving hell to the maid as well. I hear my Mom lament about these issues a lot. But for whatever reasons - everytime I go visit my Por Por (I would drop by once in a while to look in on her), she would be in her best behaviour. So, I am also at a loss. Because I am not able to see it with my own eyes.
Sometimes, when I do look in on Por Por, my heart would ache. Surely I would feel like shit too - if I am confined to a wheelchair. If you could just imagine - you were traveling the world, riding roller-coasters, going out for hi-teas et al..... and now, you can't even go to the toilet on your own or wear your own clothes...... I do think, she is sometimes difficult because to her - she had lost her dignity. She had never really been independent because my Kung Kung took care of her. And then she's had to live the last 17 years without him - and half of that, in this state of health. I feel very, very sorry for her.
Por Por taught me manners as a child. Through manners, I learnt about respect and dignity.
Por Por has all of my respect - simply because I carry about very fond memories of her from my childhood days and I know she was an excellent wife and housewife. Eccentric, but excellent. My only regret was never taking notes when I was watching her cook - or my life would've turned out quite differently!
But I think, most of all, Por Por deserves to have her dignity - despite the conditions of her health.
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