Reflections

Taking an inspiration from my partner-in-crime Kris' blog, I'm taking some time to piece together a whole lot of thoughts going on up there in my grey matters.

I reflect every week - on the week that was... maybe that's why I hadn't been able to see a clearer, bigger picture ahead. But for the past 4 months or so, I had a very clear picture that keeps coming back to haunt me. It is telling me to stop procastinating and do what I had always wanted to do in life - save the world.

Since I was a child, I've always had compassion for the people who are less fortunate than I. Perhaps, it was my upbringing, I'm not sure. Even as a child, when I visited the old folk's homes or orphanages with my parents, I would cry just to see the pitiful state they lived in.

From then on, I had this dream - I want to open a centre, I want to rescue as many unfortunate people as I possibly can. And I always thought - to do that, I need money. Lots of it. So therefore, I worked hard. I worked hard and subsequently, I started my own business. Suddenly, this dream took a backseat. For you see, in life, as we grow, we realise we need money for a lot of things - sometimes, just to survive, sometimes to splurge on ourselves (for me, my sin is books, books, books), sometimes, to splurge on the people we love because they so deserve it, the list goes on.

I admit, whilst over the years, I had always had the same thought (saving the world!!) torment me over and over again, I had always managed to convince myself that the world is too big for me to save. I am a tiny, mediocre woman, who can't do anything to end world poverty. Nor can I do anything to stop the unnecessary wars that are happening everywhere around the world. As such, I lived my life... believing I am convinced.

The thought of doing humanitarian work really does come back out to the foreground a lot. But always pushed back - there is always something more important to do - I have a business to run, I have got deadlines to meet, I have got partners and shareholders I am accountable for, I have a family to take care of (by that, I mean my parents, grandma and whoever else in the family who might need my help) again, the list goes on.

Of course, in between that, I tried to do my bit for charity. When I was a Ranger in school - I remembered being part of the stand-by team for the Highland Towers emergency, I remembered donating my entire month's salary to the North Korean famine, I am a volunteer with Mercy Malaysia, I published a whole set of poems and sold them to raise funds for Mercy once (and never thought to at least save one set for my own collection!!), when the 2004 tsunami happened, I volunteered to go to the disaster areas with Mercy only to be rejected because I would be more of a cry-baby burden than I would be of help when faced with the disaster simply because I wasn't trained to face them..... I try to feed homeless people on the street (of course, living in Cambodia, I lost a lot of compassion for the people on the street - but this is another story!), I volunteer my time at an orphanage for children with HIV and surprised myself with the way I deal with them and see them, I train some of the less fortunate youth in Cambodia to empower them to do something better with their lives and I create job opportunities for them..... this list goes on too.

When the legendary King of Pop passed on, I was re-inspired to follow in his footsteps. I took one tiny step forward and was once again, overwhelmed by the sheer size of the unfamiliarity and shamefully - loss of income, I took ten steps back. I argued with myself (you know, the devil and angel in your head arguments)... that the King of Pop was a millionaire. The King of Pop had a legion of fans who would heed his words. I was.... nothing. I told myself, I couldn't do it.

And so, I went back to the mundane life of chasing after clients, who by the minute of every f***ing day, was frustrating me with their neanderthal attributes. Chasing after clients who were only concerned on making sales with an extremely shrunken budget. Don't get me wrong. I still do love my job and I enjoy the challenges it poses. Except that, lately, I feel less than a "nothing" doing it. I feel like a big loser. Why?

I reflected and realized that I had chickened-out facing bigger issues and taking on something unfamiliar. No wonder I felt like a "nothing". A small one at that!!

Then, I started on The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I had bought the book a year ago, but only got around to reading it last month. To those familiar with the book - imagine my excitement! I had been one of those people who kept ignoring the "omens" and thus, led a mundane life of doing something (the only thing I thought) that I can do, that I can say I at least enjoy doing... but it gave me no greater pleasure than that. All of a sudden, everything began to make sense. The author had said we should heed the omens and search for our destiny. I realised I had ignored my omens for far too long.

And then, the author said when one decides to seek for his or her destiny, everything in the universe will conspire to help you find it. I reflected back at all the omens, right up to the current one - of stumbling upon Slumlight, and using my business platform to help them, of meeting the lady behind Slumlight and being inspired by her story (though, she reminds me rather uncannily of the character Phoebe from "Friends"), and not to mention, being re-acquainted with Relief Web after a long, long hiatus. Thinking that dreams do come true, I even submitted my "under-qualified" CV to a reputable NGO in hope that I would be hired for a position they have vacant. My fingers and toes are crossed. But we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

I believe, 2009, whilst it had been a rather tough year, career-wise, my many reflections had helped me see me for who I am and where I want to be. I am of course thankful for the powers up there (I am sorry for all the "Why Me?!" complains) for letting me lead such a colourful life thus far. And of course - my parents, my friends, and my partners-in-crime (partners - you know who you are - you guys have been a steady block for me and it gave me the strength to continue battling it out everyday), who had been nothing but supportive throughout. Most of all, to MOH - who had relentlessly encouraged me and gave me the wings to fly (if I gave up everything - he had promised to continue feeding me, sheltering me and buying me my books)

I am re-inspired once again. But this time, I intend to keep walking and trudging ahead with my tiny steps, no matter how far this journey will be. I now welcome 2010 with great pleasure. Happy New Year to all :)

Rwanda and Malaysia - In response to Asrul Hadi's Article

I watched Hotel Rwanda for the second time last weekend and for some reason, am more greatly disturbed this time around than I was when I watched it the first time. Before you continue reading my humble post, I’d like to state clearly that I am not an avid follower of politics nor do I spend hours on end analyzing politics and politicians with their theories and concepts. I am just another normal (if my other eccentricities can be considered normal!) human being who, I’m sure like half of the people populating this earth, feels strongly regarding injustices that happen everywhere.

Watching Hotel Rwanda – and subsequently, reading up on the history of that genocide (*The USA had actually banned its officials from using the term. Finally, Secretary of State Warren Christopher grumpily conceded “If there's any particular magic in calling it genocide, I've no hesitancy in saying that.”) I found two things rather disturbing :

One – how the powers of the West have often toyed around with the “lesser civilization” and used it as their playground as according to their whims and fancy. Oh, I stand corrected – not according to their whims and fancy. Only according to the benefits they stand to gain from exploiting these so-called “lesser nations”. In Rwanda, there are the majority tribe who are known as the Hutus and then there are the minority tribe known as the Tutsis. IN A NUTSHELL (I say this because there are more to it then what I have summed up here), when Belgium colonized the country, they put the Tutsis in power – for their better looks and “aristocratic appearance”. Some Tutsis took this role to the extremes and of course, left the Hutus feeling like they were merely poor peasants squatting on Tutsi land (*It was the practice of colonial administrators to select a group to be privileged and educated 'intermediaries' between governor and governed - does this sound familiar to the British's strategy of divide and conquer in Malaysia?). Of course, when the Belgians left, they returned power to the Hutus. They must’ve been patting themselves on the backs for such a smart move! Ostracized for years, the Hutus now finally get their revenge, being back in power. What happened next, following a spate of events, was a systematically violent “ethnic cleansing” exercise. In a short span of time, 800,000 Tutsis were massacred in Rwanda, 1994.

The second thing that disturbed me terribly was how was it that people can be so “moved” to disregard life? So idiotically brainwashed to the point that they actually believed they were doing a good deed by getting rid of another race or religion? I just plain do not understand nor do I comprehend this. The thinking and behaviour that follows just does not seem human. We argue, at this point that, the genocides or “ethnic cleansing” or “tribal violence” (as some of the Western powers who shamefully did nothing to intervene calls it – merely "tribal violence") happen because there are a large population who are poor and uneducated.

Poor and uneducated? This brings me to the main point of my blogpost – a sort of response to Asrul Hadi Abdullah Sani’s article in the Malaysian Insider, entitled ‘BTN taught me the Chinese are the Jews of Asia’. I read the article, and if it were true, every word that was said in that article, I am deeply appalled. Not just appalled, I am shocked and horrified.

Imagine the timing of reading this article – just after I am recovering from my Rwandan tales.... I find it really .... unacceptable. What is it about human nature that drives us to act as such? What is it about certain quarters of people who like to spew the words “ketuanan” and use it to instil a sense of false pride / patriotism?

When I read the article, I couldn’t help feeling that it was almost like what the Hutu extremist were doing – instilling hate, telling themselves they must “fight for what belongs to them”... or it would forever perish into the hands of the “enemies”. Of course, Rwanda is only but an example. We have the Holocaust, the Bosnia ethnic cleansing, the Year Zero in Cambodia and the list goes on – all, seemingly for one reason and only one reason that I can see – greed. Correct me if I am wrong, of course.

While I am writing this, I hope that the people who had to attend such a “camp” from the BTN would be educated enough and humane enough to know that it is rubbish they speak of. Intelligent enough to hear greed spewing out of every orifice of their bodies when they give their “ketuanan” lecture.

You know, at the very least, even if we were an uneducated bunch of peasants – we expect our leaders to lead properly, correctly and most importantly, humanely. We do not expect our leaders to instil in us, hate or feelings of hatreds, disrespect and disregard for that of another person, race or religion. That is just outright WRONG. Do you not agree?

I am just about sick to my eyeballs, reading about all these hatred, war, insecurity, false sense of pride (what pride do you have when you’re bloody pissing in public and sleeping on the streets?) or so-called patriotism, of people accusing the other race or religion of trying to take over, or "snatch our wealth" or "trample all over our pride, culture and  tradition", of all the injustices or simply, the drama of some politicians kissing a traditional weapon – NOT just in the country where I was born, but all around the world.

Whilst there is almost nothing in my power that I can do right now for the other countries in a state of war, poverty and government impunity, however, there must be perhaps something that I can do about this shameless country of mine? Correction – the country isn’t shameless. Its leaders are.

I don’t care whether you are the incumbent or the opposition, I suggest you clean up your act and get it together. As a famous sentence from another fellow blogger comes to mind – otherwise, it is Dulu, Kini dan Sampai Sini Sahaja.

*Source : Peace Pledge Union Information

My Wedding Ring

Since the day MOH and I exchanged wedding rings till now, I’ve had a fair few people asking to see the ring, and getting all excited and making statements like “Oooh... you got a platinum ring!” or “Oh, is it white gold? It’s nice. So simple!” .... I do not know why the first thought is that the ring must either be platinum or white gold or something expensive like that. I found that rather interesting.

But when my Mom who spent a couple of weeks with us here in the Penh last week made a comment, it got me kind of annoyed, really. She took a closer look at my ring again and this time, I didn’t have the heart to hide the truth – that it was a simple, plain 925 sterling silver ring. And then she went “So Cheapskate!”. Sigh.

I don’t like gold. I am certainly not a fan of stones either. Not even diamonds – and they are supposed to be a girl’s best friend! And for those who know me, or at least, have seen me, they would remember that I am a “silver” girl. I have a silver ring on each finger (one from each guy that I’ve ever dated – according to my godson, Ryan. Haha.) and silver earrings and silver necklace and dolphin pendant and silver bracelet and silver anklet. I remember doing this ‘silver style’ ever since I hung up the high school pinafore. I like it, it’s nice, it’s a little bo-ho, it suits me fine. So, I imagined that a little sparkling stone or gold for that matter, in the midst of all that silver would stand out like a sore thumb.

And I never take them off. Not my rings, not my earrings, not my bracelets. Nothing. I shower wearing them, sleep wearing them, make love wearing them, go to the gym wearing them, swim wearing them, get into the ocean wearing them, go camping wearing them. Basically, I cannot be bothered taking them on and off all the time (too many of them and it would take away 10 minutes of my precious time). So you see, I do need something hardy, and definitely not too expensive. In fact – the cheaper, the better because I don’t feel that painful when I damage it.

I remember my engagement ring. I think there’s a diamond there somewhere (haha). I wore it the first day – to the gym and lifted weights. I got scratch marks all over the ring. Needless to say, from that day onwards, it has been sitting in its little box, sheltered and protected from ... ME. I took it out once – to wear it during my wedding. And now, it is back in its boxy home. I mean, if I continued wearing it, I would’ve been worried everyday about that tiny stone falling out, about being robbed or mugged or simply, just adding more scratches to it beyond recognition (MOH wouldn’t be pleased at all). Oh dear, it’s just a bit stressful, you know.

I mean – are platinum rings or gold rings or diamond rings seen as more romantic? I think the fact that MOH considered my style and my everyday abuse of my jewellery more romantic. I want to be able to wear the ring with me all the time! For me, the romanticism is in the fact that it is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand (because there’s a vein there that goes directly to the heart – oh-so-ROMANTIC!) and the fact that if I get to wear it all the time, it almost feels like I’m being ‘protected’. Cheesy, but romantic all the same.

So you see, I’m perfectly happy with my 925 silver wedding band. But MOH said he wants to engrave something onto our wedding rings (like the tattoos are not enough...) Very romantic indeed. But what if I lose the ring? *Gasp*

Skype Virgins Part 2

This blogpost is a little delayed. It is a continuation from my blogpost Skype Virgins – this time, we actually managed to Skype. Well, actually, it was only Jules, Lambs and myself (Terence the remaining alcoholic amongst all the ex-AAers was drunk by noon). Jules – the one without the Skype account went over to Lamb’s (fu55yboy - hahahahahaha!) place for the Skype party. The party was set for 5pm, Malaysian time on one weekend, not too long ago.

...... I waited. FOR AN HOUR before I got a message from Lambs to log-on to Skype. And thus, began our Skype Party. It was all a little weird for me, and I expect – for Jules and Lambs too. But after the initial awkwardness (c’mon, we haven’t met physically for the past 8 or 9 years!!) it was quite fun, actually. I guess more so for me as I was bored and alone at home while MOH had gone gallivanting back to KL. (On that note – Lambs & Jules – thanks for keeping me company!)

I was actually pretty impressed with Skype actually. There was no delay in the.... relay. We actually skyped for 3 hours! Crazy. So what was it that we did for that 3 hours? Let’s see if I remember our Skype party.....

I caught up with Jules while Lamb was cooking..... a roast chicken and sautéed mushroom of some sort.... (ok, when it comes to food, Skype really has its limitations!). The roast chicken looked pretty damn good, and I don’t know what was the excitement all about, but Jules spilled the bowl of sautéed mushroom and that was the end of the mushrooms. Me? I was just looking on and salivating.

They ate and we continued chatting. After dinner, Lamb entertained us on his Guitar Heroes. This was pretty good. He even had all the mannerisms and facial expression to go with the 'rock star stature'. After 2 or 3 songs, he stopped, apparently, shy. And guess what? Lamb then had the brilliant idea of turning the computer screen over to face his TV so that I could watch ASTRO!!! That was downright hilarious, I tell you! TV screen – surprisingly clear. Sound was so-so, but better than nothing! For some seemingly uncool reasons – my friend subscribes to Astro on Demand – so he gets to watch all the latest TVB series. I wanted to watch my favourite Asian Food Channel but nothing spectacular was playing at that moment. But whatever it was, we ACTUALLY sat watching TV together! Just that, I was on Skype!

Then, I went for a tour of Lamb’s house...... since I’ve never “been” there.... and then, I took them both on a tour of my apartment (right at the start of the tour, we lost sound – so I had to hold the laptop on one hand and type with one hand while walking them through the apartment! Again – one for the Skype Virgin handbook). After that, I had my dinner (instant noodles and lots of chilli) and while I was having my dinner, we went through Lamb’s DVD collection (I tell you – anyone who wants to make a quick buck – just report him to the authorities. This guy .... has some serious stock!).

All in all, it was not a bad night. Ok – it was not something we did in which we want to shout to the whole world and say it’s so cool, because it ain’t. But at least we did it. And now, I can really say “Skype me in” and make it sound cool because I am no longer a virgin at it (I’ll have to figure out that loss of sound problem one of these days :P).

Say guys, when is the next Skype party? Better get it under way before we lose the Laos connection.

Lamb's DVDs!!!

Watching Astro's AFC

Kep, Kampot, Sihanoukville and Phnom Penh

1st November 2009
My parents arrived right on the 1st day of Water Festival. On one hand, it was great they got to experience the Cambodian Water Fest. On the other hand, it was an absolute nightmare for them to get from the airport to the apartment because it was chock-a-block jam-packed, not to mention, roads were closed to vehicles.

It was a nightmare for them to walk from Norodom Blvd. all the way down to Sisowath Quay where we were staying. But it was a good thing MOH was travelling with them. Still, no fun carting all that luggage!

Anyway, since it was shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, we didn’t venture very far for dinner. Thankfully, there was a Vietnamese Pho shop right downstairs where we live, ten steps away. And we had dinner there. After dinner, we did a quick walk around the block for them to take in the “sights” (crowd of people, more like) and then we headed home.

It was air mattress for MOH and I, whilst we let my parents sleep in our bed.

2nd November 2009
The van taking us to Kep arrived ten minutes earlier. We boarded, all gung-ho and ready to go. I had been to Kep so this was to be my second trip with MOH. For my parents, this would be their first. I was looking forward to the trip simply because I was just itching to get out of the crowd in the Penh.

The journey took us about 3½ hours with a stop for breakfast at the midway stop. I had forgotten the name of that little border town. We had noodles together with our driver and then we trudged ahead with our bumpy ride.

When we got to Kep, there was definitely a buzz in the air. We were here the same time last year – during the Water Festival, but it was still very quiet. This year, however, there were a lot of people milling around the Kuan Yin statue, the beach side in town (if it can be called Kep Town) and definitely a lot of people at the Crab Market. Kep is thriving! A lot of resorts were being built as we passed through.

We arrived at Veranda Resort at about 11am and waited around to check-in. They were building a pool, but it wasn’t ready (darn it). Anyway, talk about a back-to-nature lodge! It was a really basic little shack, but clean and nicely done. And it felt like we were camping ‘luxuriously’ amidst the jungle! Yet, we can see the view of the ocean from our little balcony-cum-veranda. It was so peaceful and tranquil in our little shack, with chairs, hammocks and cushions lined outside of the shack for quiet reading. I was definitely feeling rejuvenated!

After freshening up a little, MOH rented a moto. He was going to ferry us one at a time to the Crab Market for lunch. The Crab Market wasn’t that far away, but it was absolutely hot! We ended up at this place called Sunset Restaurant to have our meal – the wait was arduously long! But the food that arrived – Squid Stir-Fried with Kampot Green Pepper, Grilled Crabs, Grilled Prawns and Fried Noodles with Seafood were really delicious!

After lunch, my parents went back to the resort (ferried again by MOH on the rented moto) and then MOH and I went round Kep town. We went to Knai Bang Chatt to confirm our bookings and then we went to have a drink at a newly opened restaurant – Breeze – which was right by the seaside (no beach though).... it was a really nice place, lounge-like and again, very relaxing feel to it. The menu was not bad, but since we already had lunch, we ordered a little snack that we thought seemed irresistible – Fried Prawns with Chilli Rum Sauce. It was not bad. But the shrimps were a tad too small though.

Anyway, we went back and then MOH and myself, also had a Pear and Almond Tart from the Veranda bakery – it was yummy! We thought we’d take forty-winks but instead, we ended up over-sleeping – thanks to me setting the alarm at the wrong hour! My Mom and Dad actually had to come over to our shack and wake us up. It was right hilarious! We made reservations to eat at Veranda (the food was yummy when we tried it last year) for 6.30pm. We got to dinner at 7pm but it was still ok. We ordered a Seafood Amok, Stir-Fried Morning Glory, Chicken Stir-Fried with Kampot Green Pepper and a Crabmeat Soup (this was good, it was almost like a Lobster Bisque).

After dinner, MOH wanted to buy a muffin that was on 50% discount so we got a chocolate one and then, our newly-appointed moto driver took us to the Riel Bar. This time, MOH fetched my Mom and myself together – means 3 of us on one bike! Indeed!

The Riel Bar is still the same. The owner (again, cannot for the life of me remember his name) still as chirpy and friendly as ever.... so Mom & Dad and MOH & I sat and chatted about politics, about Cambodia and generally, had a good time.

There’s really not much to do in Kep. Just mill around and do nothing. The best part – no TV in the room either! Anyway, we went back to the resort around 10pm........ with nothing to do but do what the rabbits do for fun ;) We had that chocolate muffin for energy beforehand ;)

3rd November 2009
We woke up for breakfast at Veranda Resort (which was included in the room rates). It was nice weather, waking up in the early morning – well, I was enjoying the peace and tranquillity when I heard my parent’s voices right outside our shack – they were taking photographs and had already gone around the resort to take their holiday photos. Such a sweet couple!

Anyway, the breakfast was buffet and had a really large variety of food – breads, spreads, yoghurt, cereals, fried noodles, stir-fried vegetables, fried eggs, scrambled eggs, loh see fun soup, pancakes, tea, coffee and juices. Lavish, indeed.

After breakfast, we promptly checked-out and got ourselves moto-ed to Knai Bang Chatt. I think the moto driver had not expected us to be going back and forth so much with the moto! But I am sure he still made his money from the rental (USD8 per day – which we paid only USD4!!)

Knai Bang Chatt was really a different angel. It was of course, luxurious. Right in front of the sea (not swimmable, likely) and once again, absolutely peaceful – if not for the annoying screams of some children in the pool (you know, they should really disallow entry to children under age of 12 at any resorts like these!) ... oh well, one of the suites was ready, the other wasn’t. Thanks to JFT, our stay here was complimentary. And the suites – BEAUTIFUL. Really, really beautiful.

I wasted no time in basking under the sun! We read, we swam in the pool, and then before you know it, time for lunch! We decided to have lunch at the Sailing Club – just to get some light bites and all that. But still, we ended up with a Crabmeat Soup (this time, the version that we are used to), Fried Noodles with Prawns, Seafood Platter (Grilled Crabs, Grilled Squid and Grilled Prawns) and a Stir-Fried Prawns in Kampot Green Pepper. So much for going light, huh?

We relaxed and lazed by the pool for a bit more as we had earlier booked a Catamaran for sailing for 3pm. When 3pm came, we all went over to the Sailing Club again and set-off for our little adventure – minus Mom. Mom was to be our keeper of things and photographer. We were supposed to have gone out with an instructor, but my Dad said we didn’t need one. Aye, aye Captain!

So, off we went, into the blinding light and the vast ocean beyond..... it was really quite fun and of course, easy to sail the Catamaran! Did I tell you – ONLY when there is wind??? Without the wind, for novices, your bloody Catamaran doesn’t move!! And this was the problem we encountered when we turned around to head back – half an hour into the journey. We thought, half hour to go out and half hour to get back... since it was a sail to nowhere. It was so funny, every time I asked my Dad : “Captain, I think we are sailing off –course,” or “Captain, we have twenty minutes to get back onto the shore,” (because we only hired the Cat for an hour at USD15) and he would reply me with “What can I do??!” Oh My God. We took one hour for the return journey. And that also – because of my heroic stunts after our hand-paddling failed to work :P

I actually jumped into the ocean, without the life vest because that just hampers my swimming, and I swam and pulled the Catamaran along with me. I seriously felt like such a hero! I was rescuing my crew! More so, out of the three of us on the Cat, I was the strongest swimmer on board and my Dad, the Captain needed to manoeuvre the sail. Actually, to be honest, I was a bit hesitant in the water because the ocean was one that was unfamiliar to me. And I had images of under-currents dragging me below and then, there were lots of little things stinging me. If not for the goggles, I wouldn’t have swum. But I did have them and swim I did. I finally managed to pull the Cat to where the water was only waist-high. That was when MOH jumped in to help pull the Cat along, back to the Sailing Club jetty. The sea was all gooey and yucky inside – and midway – there were corals. Thank God for those rubber shoes that the Sail Club provided! Finally, after a long pull, we reached the jetty. And that was the end of my heroic stunts. But still – I felt great. It was my little cheap-thrill adventure!

We went for a dip in the pool immediately and not five minute had passed, a storm came in! We were so, so, so terribly lucky! Imagine being stuck out in the ocean, in the storm, cold and miserable?? Oh, thank our lucky, lucky stars then! We dashed into our rooms and promptly got ourselves showered. The storm passed as we were getting ready for our dinner. And we still managed to catch a quickie in the shower ;)

Anyway, we walked a little way out of Knai Bang Chatt – on muddy dirt road... sigh,.... why couldn’t a proper luxury resort make sure the roads leading to their resort was at least nicer? Anyway, we caught a tuk-tuk instead to take us to the Crab Market. Kim Ly was opened tonight so we went there for dinner.

After the adventure today, I said we’ll eat a damn nice dinner tonight and we even ordered a bottle of Vina Maipo Chardonnay to go with our dinner. Also, I went a little crazy with the seafood because it was our last night in Kep. We ordered the Stir-Fried Squid in Butter, Grilled Squid, Grilled Crabs, Stir-Fried Crabs in lemongrass and curry sauce and a Crabmeat Fried Rice. So full! After dinner, we went back to KBC to do... nothing once again. Even KBC had no TV. We read, and then we fell asleep.

4th November 2009
I woke up early as usual and headed out for my morning swim. The pool I think was about 20m... I had to do many, many laps to complete 30 minutes. Anyway, my parents, as usual, were up and doing their usual photography walkabout. They are really such a cute couple!
After my swim, MOH came down and we went for breakfast – which was also included with the room. Breakfast was not that great in KBC, much to our disappointment. Considering the spread at Veranda with cheaper rooms, therefore, this was a tad disappointing. But they had Marmite! And Nutella!

After breakfast, I meandered to the poolside again and caught more sun. Before you know it, it was time to check-out of KBC and leave Kep! We arranged for a tuk-tuk to take us over to Kampot – which is about 45 minutes away.

So, promptly at 12noon, we left KBC and Kep in our little tuk-tuk and headed off for Kampot. Goodbye Kep! I hope to be back. It had been really nice this trip.

The tuk-tuk ride was rather uneventful, but it was hot and in order to avoid funny tan lines, I covered myself with the sarong. So did my Dad! Surprisingly, it wasn’t dusty. I had expected to be covered in dust!

We arrived right in front of The Rikitikitavi and were shown immediately to our rooms. I was at once, really taken aback by how quiet Kampot’s riverside was. And I was also at the same time, liking Rikitikitavi VERY much. The rooms were pretty nice – ahh... this time, all 4 of us shared one large room with 2 queen beds. I am so looking forward to the midnight orchestra! :P

Anyway, aside from the room – which had TV and fridge (unlike over in Kep), the owner – Dominic (not sure I got the spelling of his name right) was such a friendly soul! He came over to the room to make sure everything was ok and I absolutely loved his British accent! (Well, it was not Hugh Grant, but better than nothing!) I soon discovered that Dom loves to talk! But I cannot say I remember the last time I felt such warmth and hospitality from anyone from a hotel before! But Dom – he is so the man. And I just know that I will be back to stay at the Rikitikitavi. Even the name of the hotel is so nice just to pronounce. A mouthful, yes, but it’s a sing-song. (Google Rikitikitavi and you’ll find the beautiful story behind the name).

Anyway, after we freshened up and all, we walked out to lunch. We had lunch at this place called Coco House. The lunch was mildly disappointing. I didn’t order anything to eat. My Dad had a Chicken Noodle Soup – which he disliked and gave to my Mom. My Mom had a Fried Noodle – which ended up with MOH and MOH ordered the Fried Rice which ended up for my Dad. I just pinched a little of everything from everyone. We also ordered a side dish of something – I think, maybe prawns with Kampot green pepper. The lunch was so boring that I didn’t even remember at all to take photos of it!

During lunch, MOH went to book us for a “Sunset Cruise” along the Kampot river. That should be fun. Woohoohoo! So we went back to the hotel, changed and came out. The best part was that the docking point was right in front of Rikitikitavi! So cool. Thus, at 3.30pm, we started on our river cruise.

It was quite fun..... but the sights were nothing that spectacular, really. Vang Vien on the tube was so much better – at least it felt more exciting. We thought we would be stopping at like the durian farms, or the rapids or swim, but nothing of that sort – and I have a sneaky feeling that we had fallen for a big con job from the tour operator (Key Man Tours) who actually told us that they would stop, etc. Welcome to Cambodia. That’s all I can say.

There were the four of us and one other couple – can’t tell where they’re from, but maybe Germans or something like that. On the way back, we asked the boatman to stop us at this “hippie” shack.... It’s the same owners of the Utopia Guesthouse.... and we knew it was “hippie” because we read it in the Kampot Survival Guide... but they were indeed dressed that way too with a few Westerners also milling around with dreadlocks and the likes.

Dad and MOH had a beer. We took some photos and then we left at 5.30pm. Back to the boat. The sun was setting fast and I didn’t want to miss that spectacular sunset Dom was telling us about.

Alas! I missed it anyway. You can’t see no sunset from the river! Or maybe not on the river cruise. I forgot which side was it that Dom mentioned had a really stunning sunset. Oh well, there’ll be a next time then.

We got back and showered. Then we headed upstairs for dinner. Yes, upstairs of the Rikitikitavi. And that is where I met Dom’s wife, Denise (again, apologies for wrong spelling) who is Dutch. Just like her hubby, she is warm and attentive. I really wish them the best of the best luck in whatever they do – just for being so nice! Anyway, we missed Happy Hour so my Dad refused to drink. My Mom ordered a beer and MOH had a lemonade. I got myself a Jamaican-something-something which tasted quite good actually. For eats, I ordered the Grilled Pork Skewers and Chicken Fingers (both starters to share), MOH got the Fish Amok, Mom ordered the Chicken with Cashew Nuts and Dad had the Pesto Pasta with Grilled Chicken. No guessing – Mom & Dad switched dishes more like. But we actually shared everything so we could all sample a taste of everything. I also ordered an Apple Pie with Ice Cream for dessert – which was so huge, we couldn’t finish it! After a really full dinner, we went out for a walk along the riverside.

It was really so quiet along the riverside. It almost feels as if the place is neglected and deserted! So unlike the chaotic riverside of Phnom Penh! I begrudge Phnom Penh even more after this trip to Kampot :P Since it was just a dim, lonely strip, we turned back and headed to the hotel.

I think we didn’t get the lunch and the dinner right for my parents today. Unlike when we were in Kep. Well, we were first-timers to Kampot too! But the food at Rikitikitavi was really good. Just that, I know my Dad is more a Chinaman foodie!

We got back to the hotel, showered and read and fell asleep. No hanky-panky tonight for obvious reasons!

5th November 2009
We got up early again, my parents had already gone for their usual photography walkabout...... and then we went upstairs for our breakfast. Breakfast was a set menu...... the usual – fried eggs and toasts..... and the leftover Apple Pie!

Then, we caught a tuk-tuk to take us to the Kampot Market...... my Dad is a market-lover. I have no idea why. He loves the sight of wet markets..... and so, we walked and walked..... around the market. It was hot (did I tell you the weather had been super hot since we arrived in Kep right up till the end of the trip?!) and after a short 30 minutes, we took the tuk-tuk back to the hotel.

Then, MOH and my Dad went for the Blind Man’s Massage which was only USD4 per hour...... it was quite amusing to see them. Mom and I waited outside for them and I was taking photos intermittently. My Dad, who started off doubting the massage, actually enjoyed it very much.
After that, we walked back to the hotel – which was just on the next block anyway and I headed upstairs for a Swiss Hot Chocolate which I had been eyeing from the menu since the night before! Ooohhh... YUMMO.

We meandered around a bit more with our own newspapers (MOH), book (me), camera (Dad) and then Mom came to join us for awhile.... just doing nothing but relaxing..... and then it was time to leave Kampot. We arranged for a taxi to take us to Sihanoukville.

So, once again, at 11.30am, we checked-out and went into the taxi. Of course, not before I took a photo with Dom – the Rikitikitavi Man! I just had to! Never have I met a hotel owner that was so utterly warm and friendly. I wouldn’t hesitate at all to recommend the Riki to any of my friends travelling to Kampot!

The journey which was supposed to be 4 hours took us only 2 hours because the dear driver was driving seriously fast. This bodes well since I couldn’t stand being stuck in a vehicle for long rides.

We arrived in Sihanoukville around 1.30pm and we checked-in to the Reef Resort. Hmmm.... from Rikitikitavi to Reef Resort – the service at RR was rather lacklustre. The owner didn’t even bother smiling – perhaps he was cleaning the pool. But hey – Dom was clearing his entire garden when we popped in and he still came to say hi! :P

Anyway, the room was more or less the same as in Riki, and clean as well – which was important. So, immediately after freshening and me changing into my bikinis and sarong (the last time I came to Kampong Som, I couldn’t be in my bikinis cos I was doing team building with a hundred Cambodian youths..... :P) and we walked to the beach for lunch. I was dying to have my yabbies and grilled squid! It seemed like they extended the “kiosks” area and made the beach narrower than I remembered it previously. Sigh..... such a beautiful stretch of beach and the tourism ministry doesn’t know what to do with it. Such a shame. And exactly like Malaysia, ain’t it?

For lunch, we had Fried Seafood Rice, Fried Seafood Noodles, and a side dish of Deep Fried Prawns as well. It was all so yummy. But oh my God – so bloody hot!! After lunch, we couldn’t even be bothered to walk back in the heat. We got a tuk-tuk and went back to the hotel. Across from the hotel was a little ice cream parlour cum cafe. My Dad, always an ice-cream lover (just like me!) said he’ll treat us to ice creams. I thought we’d just be having the one-scoop-cones, but when we got there and saw the extensive ice cream menu, we sat down to banana splits and chocolate sundaes instead! Oh, man....... all the sinful food and no exercise.... not good news.

While my parents went for the siesta in the room, I baked myself by the poolside. MOH came out for awhile and went in to the room shortly thereafter.

Around 5pm, I asked if my Dad wanted to go to the beach. He wasn’t feeling too well, you see. Why, of course he would! He wouldn’t miss out on any chance to experience new experiences. That is my Dad. And I’m so like him!

We caught a tuk-tuk again to the beach – I mean, it was only USD1 .... ! Unlike in Phnom Penh – I feel even more grudge for Phnom Penh as the holiday draws closer to an end! We walked along the beach and we decided to settle at this place called The Frog Bar or something like that. We ordered our drinks – fresh coconut, beer and a sugar-induced watermelon juice and Dad and I went for a swim! MOH joined us later and we all knew why we insisted Mom came – so that someone was there to watch over our belongings!! We were terrible indeed, huh! Anyway, if I’m not mistaken, it was my first time swimming as the sun was setting. Beautiful sunset as well. Right there – the gorgeous, golden ball.

The water was luxurious and the beach? Superbly clean!!! It was not yucky, gooey and rocky like in Kep or even in Nusa Dua, Bali. It was nice, clean and soft sand. My Dad is shaking his head in dismay at the lack of planning from the government to make full use of this selling point for tourism. For me – I say Welcome to Cambodia. Half the country doesn’t even belong to the country – what can I say? Corruption at its worst. What can we do?

Anyway, after the swim, we took some photos, finished up our drinks and then caught a tuk-tuk back. We had dinner reservations for 7pm so we quickly showered and all – in fact, MOH and I showered together much to the embarrassment and amusement of my parents!

Dinner – I have to say, was really great. Mexican Food. Let’s see if I remember what we had. The set dinner for 2 (which we order from a range they provided) – which came with 2 Anchor Beers, Jalapeno Poppers, Chicken Satay, Tom Yum Prawns with Rice, Chicken Quesadilla and we ordered a Spicy Mexican Meatball Stew separately. Lavish! It was Happy Hour, so I had the Frozen Marguerita which was so good, I ordered extra – Mom had one glass and I had three!! I was pretty tipsy thereafter!

The food really struck a good chord with everyone. After such a heavy dinner, we all went for a walk. Tried to walk the other way of the beach, but ended up turning back to the beach area anyway. On the way back, I got meself a Hazelnut Ice Cream on cone. I just had to wash dinner down with something sweet!

Then, it was time to get back to the hotel. You know, the weather is crazy. Last year, same time, it was cooling in Kep. This year, just plain whacked-out hot. Worse in Sihanoukville!

We did some reading and then as usual, fell asleep. This had been a really nice holiday because – it was early mornings and early nights.

6th November 2009
Woke up early for my morning swim again. The pool was even smaller than the one in KBC! I had to do 100 laps just to get enough time on my clock!

Breakfast was a standard set. Hmmm... the only buffet breakfast we had was in Kep so far! Oh well, better than nothing. After breakfast, MOH and I lazed about the pool while parents went out for a walk. They came back after a short while simply because it was just so hot!

We had arranged for the taxi back to the Penh for 2pm. So when it was almost time, we got in, showered, packed and then checked-out. After checking out, we had us lunch at this “Korean” shop... It was one of those stalls thingy – I think they were trying to do this “Aussie” beach concept but kinda failed a little miserably at it. There was a Fish & Chip kiosk next to the Korean place too. Anyway, we ordered a Fried Rice and a Fried Noodle and I walked over to the ice-cream parlour to get me an ice cream – yet again!

And then, it was really time for the entire holiday to end. How sad! I dread thinking of going back to the Penh. I’m just glad it’s the weekend and still a long weekend when we get back – given that Monday is the Independence Day celebration.

Midway – we stopped at the temple for a bit of a walk and prayers – that famous temple stop for all those entering and leaving Sihanoukville to pray for a safe journey. For the life of me, I have no idea what it is called!!

We got back into the Penh around 4.30pm. MOH had to rush off to the office. I’m just glad that the apartment is still in one piece. You know, in Cambodia, you never know. Touch wood, touch wood.

For dinner, I took my parents to William Tell’s – for Cheese Fondue and German Pork Knuckles. Ashley and her other business partners joined us as well. I’m glad to see my parents enjoying the food. Especially my Dad. He’s such a picky eater – just like the daughter. I wonder where I got it from :P

After dinner, we got back....... and once again, it was air mattress time for MOH and I. Again, no hanky-panky since it’s wide-opened-spaces :P

7th November – 11th November 2009
Evidently, Phnom Penh turned out to be a tad too boring, dirty and chaotic for my parents. But I managed to take them to eat at the places where I really wanted them to try.

On Saturday, we went to the Russian Market and had breakfast there.... as well as the best coffee.... and then Mom bought a few souvenirs for home..... We also took them to Lucky Supermarket for groceries shopping and then we got back and unloaded all our stuff. We walked to lunch on St 172 at that place called Mary’s. Which was not bad, really. And in the evening, took them for Happy Hours at Elephant Bar and then headed onwards to Malis for dinner – which they absolutely loved. At Malis, we ordered the Fried Cockles in Basil Leaves, Stir-Fried Morning Glory with Garlic, Deep Fried Soft Shell Crab, Bamboo Shoot Soup with Smoked Fish and a Duck Curry – which were all absolutely excellent. Chef Luu Meng (or much rather, his team) never fails to deliver. Of course, I must absolutely have my Jasmine Flavoured Pudding with Honey and Fruits (Luu Meng introduced this to me and I’ve been hooked eversince!) – this is an absolute haven and I will eat it again and again and again whenever I am there!

On Sunday morning, I made breakfast for MOH and my Dad – fried eggs and sausages... just to give our tummies a rest – as according to my Mom. Then, for lunch, took them to the “magic mushroom” noodle place. And then to Bayon Supermarket. We went to the Happy Tree Orphanage (for HIV kids) in the evening together with Chang who came to pick us up. I can’t wait to start the volunteer work there with MOH. We’ve both volunteered our time there – do some exercises for the kids, games and all that jazz. For dinner, Mom cooked..... nothing extravagant, simple home-cooked food with my belachan (I pestered my Dad to make me belachan – a dry version and a wet version and after much pestering, he did it and brought them over.... I love him!!)

Monday morning, which was a holiday, I went about with my gym routine..... and then came back. Mom & Dad already had their bagel breakfasts – which I bought for them from Fresco the night before.... MOH and I had a bit of a squabble.... but we went out for breakfast at The Shop and then went to buy some balls for our volunteer work and then we got back home for lunch. Mom & Dad actually went out for a walk and got themselves onto a River Cruise (only USD4 per person!) which I’m glad they managed to get... it’s all for the experience... Mom cooked dinner once again...... and this time, Ashley came over. It was Independence Day and the streets were chock-a-bloc jammed again..... but dinner was super yummy with Mom’s signature dishes – Low Gee Yuk and Vinegar Pork Trotters and the Bittergourd Stuffed with Minced Meat....... it was of course, too meaty for Ashley.

I’m also glad Mom & Dad got to see or at least experience how a working day is like for MOH and myself. We went off to work in the morning of Tuesday.... (Dad kept shooing us out of the house!) For lunch, I took them to Shan Dong which they absolutely enjoyed...... the Pork La Mein, Zha Jiang Mein, Dumplings and the Chive Pancake......I even took them to see my office and then they got a tuk-tuk (bless Pich who saw us while we were waiting for a tuk-tuk) to Central Market for a little walkabout and Mom once again cooked dinner. I think what was nice was coming back to find that the house wasn’t empty. That there was actually things going on in the house – much like what I was used to when I was staying at home back in Malaysia. You know, Mom & Dad annoying each other whilst the food was cooking on the stove, TV is switched on – and you knew my Dad is watching it when the volume is at its most deafening.... stuff like that. I love my alone time and I love my quiet spaces. But not when it comes to my Mom & Dad. I guess it all boils down to the fact that they can’t be around forever.

On Wednesday, I was a little down at thinking Mom & Dad were leaving..... and I tried not to think too much about it..... I came back to bring them out to a buffet lunch at Magnolia’s.... again, eaten with much enjoyment.... but I was rather disappointed that they didn’t have the Pho that day! Of all days! I knew my Dad loved Pho..... and I was really hoping he’d get a chance to eat it before he left. Oh well, at least he did enjoy the rest of the other food. He even happily helped himself to the dessert – much to Mom’s annoyance! Well.... that was that. Took them back to pack and then sent them off on a tuk-tuk to the airport!

I took over a thousand photos during this entire trip.... thank God for digital cameras! It doesn’t matter that not every shot was an “award-winning entry”.... in some shots, the “models” didn’t look very flattering... but all that mattered was that all the memories of that particular experience were captured, capturing that moment..... know what I mean? I think I strive as much as possible to make sure my parents experience as much as they can in life. That’s the least I can do, I think. To the point, sometimes, I get disappointed when they don’t want to do something that I had planned for them, maybe because they are concerned about my wallet or they plain do not want to do it, or in my Mom’s case, it is her less-adventurous nature taking over.... but anyway, I think it was a good trip overall.

You know, when they were around, I got a little annoyed with the nagging (“you are a terrible wife!” or “how can you not know the peanut butter is expired?!” etc..etc...) ... but it’s all done in good nature (or so, I’d like to think).... and I miss them. As I said – they will not always be around forever.

Well, guess it is now back to walking naked around the house.

Dom (from Rikitikitavi and me)

Skype Virgins

This whole internet craze for Twitters, Facebook and what-nots have been... just that - crazy. But, you know what - it has been really great too. From out of nowhere, I am connected again with people I've lost since childhood. Admittedly, I am a Facebook addict. When you start thinking in terms of status messages - you're a junkie. But hey - we're in the ad industry. Whatever keeps us sane, alright?

Anyway, it was via Facebook that I connected again with some of my ex-colleagues from Batey Ads. I mean, there was a whole hiatus of maybe 8 or 9 years in between, but connected we got. And since I started becoming DJ E on FB (when people ask me who am I kidding - my answer is "why, myself, of course!" - I've always wanted to be a DJ!)... and I "spin" MVs and requests and shout-outs, our friendship has certainly started picking momentum.

Sure, it doesn't get personal... but we'd get excited at an 80's track that we were all so familiar with, or some Chinese serial drama soundtrack (don't hide, Lambs - it's YOU I'm referring to) and we'd totally banter back and forth for over a hundred threads. Whatever it is, what I hope is via the 80s flashbacks, the music and the so-called DJ-ing, friendships are being renewed. Again, it is all about keeping ourselves entertained AND importantly - SANE from the crazy jobs that we all do.

Anyway, the few of us from Batey used to be called the AA-ers - short for Alcoholic Anonymous where a day of work isn't complete without a trip to the nearest pub (The Place y'all!!) for our favourite poison AND bitching session, of course. Everyday was a drink fest as far as I could remember. Now that we have reconnected again, we decided to have an AA-ers get-together. Well, since I am in Cambodia, I would have to be skyped-in, wouldn't I?

Ok - I use the phrase "Oh, skype me in!" like it is so damn cool. Like it is something I do every other week. But I've only used the webcam on my laptop twice in my whole life (once with my parents and once yesterday during the AWP Turns 1 Party) and that wasn't on Skype. That was on MSN.

Seeing that the AA-ers session would be this Saturday, Lambs and I decided to try out our Skype programmes so that we can figure how to do a group thing since a few others might get in on the get-together via Skype too. And guess what? We found out that we were both Skype virgins!!! It was all too hilarious and writing about it isn't quite as funny. But try, I would. We were both at our offices, he in Malaysia and I being in Cambodia,... and we were in the chat box. Here's how the chat conversation went (well, sort of) :

kahlye : hey! There is a green button at the top left that says Group Call... !

fu55yboy : I can't see any green buttons! What group call?

kahlye : Hmmm.... maybe you're using an older version of Skype.

fu55yboy : Yes. I downloaded this a while back but never used it!

kahlye : fu55yboy??? Everytime I see your nick, it makes me laugh!!

fu55yboy : Ok. Ok. I ran out of creative ideas!

fu55yboy : Try it! Try it! Try the Group Call thingy.

kahlye : ok. ok. I'm trying. (clicks on the green group call button - which Lamb couldn't find but he answers the call immediately)

fu55yboy : hello? hello? (whispers into computer - I faintly here him, and I could here him typing away too)

kahlye : can you hear me? (whispers into computer)

fu55yboy : my colleagues are looking at me funny!

kahlye : mine too! I can hear you typing!

fu55yboy : I can hear myself typing too! Hahahahahahhaa!

kahlye : This is too hilarious!! I've never used Skype before!!

fu55yboy : Me too! I have the programme but never used it!

kahlye : Me too!! Oh, this is too funny!!

Hey - what is Jule's Skype nick?

fu55yboy : I dunno. Probably luv3lygal or something like that.

(later, Jules updated on FB that she doesn't have a Skype account)

fu55yboy : She doesn't have a Skype account

kahlye : OMG! We are all Skype virgins!!

And that's how it came about - Skype Virgins. It was extra hilarious because we were both trying to keep straight faces due to our office environment, while that entire chat was happening, although we wanted to burst out and roll on the floor with laughter.

So now, I am really excited about the Skype session on Saturday with the AA-ers. With the virgins, you never know, we could have a Part 2 to this blog. But at least that would be in the privacy of our own homes.

Lambs!! Look at what I found!! Great memories, good times ;)

AWP Turns 1

Today was the 1st year anniversary bash for the Association of Wedding Professionals Malaysia (AWP) and being stuck here in Cambodia, I just had to be a part of it, considering the organizing committee had worked really hard at putting this together. (and honestly, I hate being left out!!)

Well, my partners in crime (special thanks to Carolyn!!) were more than happy to skype me into the whole affair and watch the proceedings. So I got my mic and headphones ready - only the second time ever that I am using this device - for that matter - my webcam as well.

Oh to be at the mercy of technology!!! When we tested the video call half hour before the party started, the only thing working was the webcam!! I could see them and they could see me. But I couldn't hear s***. Ok, don't panic. We figured perhaps I was using an older version of MSN. So I downloaded the latest version - which, by the way, was a miracle that it took faster than normal considering the 256k speed in Cambodia.

All set - testing Round 2. Still no sound. Which we finally agreed, better than nothing. So I watched the proceedings in "mute mode".... with Carolyn feeding me the updates over the chat box. I have to say, it was pretty interesting and as always, a simple yet fun event which everyone worked hard on has come to life and that is always a joy to see. Of course, a heartfelt thanks goes out to all who have supported our endeavours throughout and believed in us.

I think at the end of the day, it just goes to show that even though we come from different walks of life, different types of businesses, different personalities, (not to mention, some of us are in different geographical location altogether! :P) but when we put our heads and our hearts together, we can create big things.

This is the quality that I admire from my co-workers. We set aside our differences and we work towards one goal. Sure, there are lots of bitching and tears and frustrations, but in the end, we have a laugh, we talk about each other's "longkangs" (private joke - ask Carolyn & Leticia) and we treat ourselves to good food (whilst they went ahead to have a good lunch, I had myself a glass of wine to celebrate too!)

Even in the emails - which we probably receive and send over a hundred to each other in a day (no wonder I am accused of having an online affair with Leticia!) - we banter, we instruct, we brainstorm, we shout, we scream (yes,... all in the emails)... we even SLAP each other (nowadays, used a lot more widely and frequently - thanks to Kris)... BUT, we get the job done.

As in the end, we believe that a little madness helps keep us sane. And we are really the "crazy wedding GANG" - yes a gang. I hope this friendship and partnership will only continue to flourish - if not for the good of the business, at least for the good of our own sanity.

Congratulations AWP - and CONGRATULATIONS to all those people behind AWP. We soldier on.

Being Newly Married

Being newly married, I get a lot of people asking "So, how does it feel being married?" and the automatic response from me is always "It's the same!". I decided to dwell on the question a wee bit more over the past few days, reflecting on my relationship with my new husband. Ah, perhaps, it is the fact that our 3rd year "anniversary" of being together is right here...

I think being newly-wed, one of the major adjustment is referring to my other half as my “husband”. He had always been my “boyfriend”. He never even transitioned to “fiancé”. Now, he’s my husband! I believe this would take some getting used to. But talk about something that really jolts you into “married” mode, huh? “Hi, I’m looking for my husband.” Or “My husband is waiting for me outside.” Or “Yes, my husband is fine. And how is yours?” Admittedly, I’ve had a few slip-of-tongue, and used the word “boyfriend” instead... and then I either get a grinning slap from a girlfriend or else a look of annoyance from my darling hubby.

The other thing that I find extremely difficult to get used to is being referred to as Mrs See (yes, that’s the surname of my beloved other half). Believe me, if you were not one of those who dreamt of becoming somebody’s wife since the age of five, you’d find this hard to swallow! I’m not sure I will ever take on the role of a “Mrs.”... in general, I feel every bit as I am – Eileen Lui.

So what then makes it different?

I've never given marriage much thought as a personal choice simply because I felt it was really just a piece of paper. Was it that important to have your commitment sanctified in front of all? If you did not get married, does that mean your commitment is .. hmmm, lesser in weight? Does that piece of paper really keep you away from falling out? Or is it a tool meant to tie you down? (considering my choice of profession, I should be shot dead, eh?)

I realised that the difference is what you make of it. You can either treat your vows lightly, or respect them – married or not. I refuse to be one of those boring couples who want to define their own “space” or who needs their own “space”, most importantly, I refuse to be one of those couples whose romance sizzle off into thin air over a period of time. This actually takes a lot of work. It does.

But I think I’ve been blessed. There is a lot of love in my relationship and a lot of fun and laughter. Three years that we’ve been together as a couple (not counting the 14 years of knowing each other!!), the longest time we’ve ever been apart was for a period of one month – when I moved to Cambodia ahead of my other half. Other than that, we see each other everyday, we work together, play together, eat together. And now that we’re married (and no longer living in sin), we also sleep together. Here in Cambodia, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays – we’re always together – if possible. Whether it is to a party or grocery shopping and people ask – “Do you always have to do things together?!”

The best part is not getting tired of each other. Of course, work gets in the way, we get busy, we slide into that vortex where it all becomes a BORING routine, and we sometimes forget even to kiss each other before going to bed. It’s unavoidable. (It is at these times that I miss my singleton days!)

“Our miracle lies in the path that we have chosen together. The true magic of love is not to avoid changes, but to steer them successfully” (an excerpt from my husband’s vows to me – which is now forever tattooed on my left thigh).

Each time we find ourselves in that vortex, we would do whatever we can to celebrate our love. It could be as simple as just getting a piece of cake and putting sparklers on top and making wishes, or ordering in pizza (the happy ones :)) and washing it down with a bottle of wine in front of the TV or cooking a big meal together even if it was just the two of us. It was also nice that my beloved other half started this thing about celebrating our “anniversary” every month on the same date – which is why it is now approaching thirty-six months we’ve been together. And this month, we celebrate for the first time – our 3rd year, as husband and wife. That ought to count as special!

What we continue striving to do is to make each other laugh. There’s a difference between grocery shopping as a necessity and grocery shopping as a necessity amidst lots of laughter. We find ways to “entertain” each other. We’d annoy each other – I’d mis-match his socks on purpose and he’d flick me for doing that, or he’d fart under the blanket and I would pinch him for it.... even sorting out clothes to be donated for flood victims, we end up hiding each other’s will-die-without-it old, comfy T-shirt into the pile for donation. And every day, without fail, we shower with our eyes opened – you know why? The other person’s hiding behind the shower curtain, trying to turn the water tap to COLD so that the person showering will freeze. (Me? I’ve graduated from that. To make it easier, I just pour ice water on him from the top of the shower curtain).

Continuously trying to scheme of ways to one-up the other in this little game of ours is keeping us entertained and laughing enough for our daily intake. Seeing as we both decided not to have children (Ok! Ok! More me than him, but excuse me, he’s not the one with the womb. So no say :P), this just becomes a necessary tool in our relationship to escape that vortex I was talking about earlier.

I think aside from the “my husband” and “Mrs. See” thing, I noticed one stark difference – that is knowing when to stop at work. Knowing that it IS ok to leave some things for the next day, and that it is now time to go home and prepare his dinner. Oh, so “wife-ly” of me!

Love, here’s to many, many more months of celebrations and lots and lots of laughter too.

Chewing Gum Boy

“Please sir, buy my gum,” the little boy said.
“No, thank you,” came Shane’s reply. He walked on ahead, hailing a cab in front of the Lucky Plaza on Dong Khoi Street. He had just finished the usual Friday night out with his mates at the Underground.
The little boy persisted in selling his chewing gum to Shane.
“Buy my gum, Sir,” the little boy continued, his voice sounding pitiful. He made another desperate attempt as he saw a taxi driver stopping at Shane’s request. Holding on to Shane’s right arm tightly, he flashed 5 packs of Wrigley’s Fresh Mint gum in front of Shane. Of course, even with his hands stretched high up, the gum only appeared to be dancing in front of Shane’s broad torso.

“Go home, boy! Get some sleep!” Shane told the little boy as he climbed into the taxi. He tried to shake off the little boy’s grip around his arm. “And go get some shoes!” Shane added, as he saw the little boy bare-footed. As he closed the door to the taxi, Shane looked at the boy again. His puppy-dog face was heart-wrenching, even for a hardened guy like Shane.

“So ba muoi bun, Phung Khac Khoan, xin cam on,” he told the taxi driver upon being asked the next place of destination. Shane leaned back on the seat as he looked out the window. It was still early for a Friday night. The traffic movement in Saigon was showing no signs of slowing down. The motorbikes were zooming in and out at every junction, seemingly with the “No Fear” attitude. Shane had owned one of those Yamaha cub before. However, after an accident on the ‘fearless’ streets of Saigon which left him with a steel implant in his left thigh, he had sold whatever remains of his bike in exchange for even more fearless rides in a taxi. At least, with a protective shell, it felt slightly safer.

As he looked out the window, he saw a young Vietnamese kid dangling off the back of a foreigner. A couple more were flocking the lady by his side. Where do these street urchins come from? Shane thought. They were everywhere! Well, everywhere the expatriates of Saigon hung-out. It was all right when they left you at “No”. But these kids, they can get really persistent. Shane had on many occasions felt the urge to smack them and put them to bed.

“Honey, I’m home!” Shane called out as he entered the door to his apartment. But of course, only silence acknowledged his greetings. Ever since his accident, he had felt odd pangs of loneliness occurring frequently. Perhaps, it was when his life was flashing past him all he could see was the lonely number of one. He had been an only child, and after his parents passing, he had ventured on a freelance employment with BBC and traveled to South East Asia. He had since made long stop-overs in Indonesia, Cambodia, Myanmar, Thailand and currently Vietnam. He felt it was now time to settle down.

So, that was how he developed the habit of the amusing greeting when he got home daily. As he turned on the television, he thought of all the girls he tried to date. Not one had appealed to him. Although Asian women had their charms and beauty, he found few who could hold his interest. Being a typical American who believed in equal rights, he felt dating an Asian was like looking after a little kid. Some men saw that as power play. But Shane only felt the entire burden of the relationship falling on his shoulders. Opening doors, paying for dinners, making decisions, the list goes on and on. He wanted someone who would in turn baby-sit him and make decisions for him instead. He smiled at the thought – who doesn’t want to be pampered?

**********

“Buy my gum, Sir!” the little boy ran after Shane, tugging his shirt-tail.
“Why should I?” Shane asked. Today, he was in the mood to talk. After emptying half a barrel of beer into his stomach, hell, anyone could talk. But this was his first time talking to one of the street kids. He had never bothered before. However, the curious nature came with his job.
“If you buy, then I not bother you anymore!” the little boy said, smiling sheepishly.
“I don’t want any gum, go home, boy!” Shane looked at him. He suddenly felt a strange sense of déjà vu. He was speaking to the same boy again!
“You need gum, Sir. Too much bia!” the little boy spoke again, pinching his nose to let Shane know that he reeked of alcohol.
“You’re a pretty good salesman aren’t you? Okay, mot cai bao nhieu tieng?”
“5000 Dong!”
“5000 Dong! You’re not only a salesman, you’re a conman aren’t you?”
“Buy my gum, sir!” the little boy made his sales pitch again, after not understanding what Shane had just said.
“Too expensive!”
“For you cheap-cheap, Sir! Japanese man pay me 1 US dollar! Cheap, sir! Buy my gum, sir!”
“What is your name, boy?”
“Tai,” the boy answered. It was the first time in his life that anyone had asked for his name. He wasn’t sure if this was his name, but this was what everyone called him.
“Go get some shoes, Tai,” Shane said pointing at his feet.
“No money! Give me money! Buy my gum!”

Shane returned home 20,000 Dong poorer, and two packets of Wrigley’s Spearmints sitting inside his shirt pocket. How was it that rascal made me pay freaking 10,000 Dong for one pack of chewing gum when his opening price was only 5,000 Dong? Shane shook his head, feeling once again, he had been conned by a local. Vietnam, where every foreigner had either a “Rich” or “Stupid” or both signs tattooed on his or her forehead. As Shane opened the pack of chewing gum, he saw stamped on the outer foil, the words “Vietnam 2000 Dong”. He laughed to himself, shaking his head forlornly.

**********

“I need to get out of Vietnam. I’ve been here too long!” Shane complained to his editor.
“Let’s see what we can do, Shane. Be patient!”
“You know, Bob, I’ve been here so long, even the bloody chewing gum boy knows who I am! I need a fresh surrounding and fresh pieces to be working on!” Shane took a swig of his Heineken as he washed down the last of his steak.
“Oh, don’t be letting those tramps get to you! Don’t be fooled by their puppy-dog faces and crocodile tears. There’s a whole syndicate behind them! Though, no one has ever been able to pin-point on it so far,” Bob winked. Shane did not take the hint that Bob had considered the story a fresh piece to be working on.

The night continued with Shane trying to break down the old dog Bob, who had lived in Vietnam for more than 10 years now. Secretly, Shane thought Bob was one of those American veterans here in Vietnam. After another half a dozen Heinekens between them, and still Shane felt no signs of Bob’s wall crumbling, he decided to call it a night, leaving Bob behind with the Vietnamese waitresses.

As soon as Shane walked out of the smoky Seventeen Salon, situated across the Saigon riverside, all the street kid vendors flocked around him. All of them were brandishing an array of chewing gum and breath mints ready to squeeze the last dime out of the next willing foreigner. They were speaking in unison, only in different languages, as they tried to guess Shane’s language. To his amazement, Shane could make out French, Thai, and even German amidst the wild chattering. Where do they learn how to say buy my gum in so many different languages? Shane thought, bewildered, yet holding his gaze straight ahead, not looking at any of those kids.

“No, thank you! No, thank you! No! Make way! Go home!”
“But you buy my gum before!” And there he was, in the crowd, little Tai appeared, once again waving his Wrigley’s in front of Shane.
“You again! Are you haunting me? What are you doing here?”
“This is my area today. You must buy my gum, Sir!” little Tai followed Shane as he walked away from the rest of the kids.
“Not tonight. No.”
“Why not?”
“Because!! Look, Tin, there’s some Japanese men there, go get ‘em. They’ll pay more!” Shane pointed towards two Japanese men walking ahead of him. He was in no mood to entertain the little kid today.
“My name is Tai. Not Tin!” Tai stuck his tongue out as he skipped down the road to his next potential buyer – the Japanese men.

“Watashi no chuuingamu wo katte kudasai!” Shane heard Tai attacking his targets as he walked past. So, he speaks Japanese now. Maybe they are all fronting a syndicate. A syndicate which taught little kids to say “buy my gum, sir” in 100 different languages. If what Bob said was true, then this was child exploitation. Shane had done a piece for the BBC on child labour in Cambodia before. Garment factories were hiring kids as young as 8 years old to work in the factories. With this thought, he turned back to look at Tai.

The Japanese men were obviously annoyed by Tai’s pursuit of selling his Wrigley’s. Suddenly, the bigger of the two gave Tai a hard shove. Tai stumbled a few steps backwards off the sidewalk. Just then, a hell-rider on bicycle came crashing into Tai, sending him reeling downwards onto the tarmac.

Instinctively, Shane ran towards the poor little boy. The two Japanese men had walked off, pretending as if nothing had happened. On seeing Shane approach, the man with the bicycle hurriedly picked up his bike and rode off, fast as before. In Vietnam, the bigger mode of transportation was always known as the “bully”. Such was the hierarchy of things. The biker knew better – Tai was on foot.

Little Tai was wailing. There was a deep cut on his left knee and his elbows and hands were bleeding. Shane knelt beside Tai, checking him for broken bones. A small crowd had gathered around him. The kids were chattering away excitedly to Tai. But Tai just kept on crying in pain, hitting Shane in anger.

“Don’t cry, please. I’ll take you to the doctor. Don’t cry…” Shane said as he cradled Tai in his arms. He suddenly realized Tai was very small in size. The taxi driver ferried a perplexed white man and a wailing Vietnamese boy to the SOS International Clinic that night. Shane somehow felt responsible for pointing Tai towards the direction of the rude and obnoxious Japanese men.

Sitting outside the steps of the International SOS, Tai was now sucking on a piece of candy, looking at his bandaged knee and arms. His face was tear-stained, but other than that, he seemed all right.

“Where is your home, Tai?”
Tai shook his head, sucking his candy greedily.
“We gotta get you home, Tai. Tell me.”
“No money,” was his short reply.
“Where is your ma?”
“Selling rice and dry fish,” Tai answered, his hands playing gently with his bandaged knee.
“Where is home, Tai? I’ll take you home.”
Tai looked around him. Ly Tu Trong Street was less busy than his ‘area’. But it did not matter. Sometimes, he was dropped off here too. He did not have much recollection of his home, or his family. He remembered an image of his mother selling rice for a living, and that was it. Maybe it had been so long ago, that he had forgotten. He had wanted to forget. In Vietnam, where the culture is very family-oriented, to be disowned by one’s family is a very bad thing. It is better to have none. He looked at Shane and said “Here.”
“Here is home?”
Tai nodded. Shane stared dumb-founded at Tai. So, he lived on the streets. He was nearly killed tonight. Lucky for him it was a bicycle, and not a truck. Who would feel the loss should Tai have been killed tonight?

“You lie to me,” Tai said, breaking Shane’s train of thoughts.
“About what?”
“They not Japanese. They Korean.”
“Same difference, kid.”
“Same-same, small eyes,” Tai giggled, holding his eyes with his fingers into a slit. Shane laughed. He was amazed. This kid was nearly killed tonight, and yet, he didn’t care. He didn’t yearn for his mother, or father. And he was now back to his cheeky self.
“Have you eaten?”
Tai shook his head glumly, sucking on the last of his candy.
“You wanna get something to eat, kid?”
Tai nodded his head, understanding the word “eat”.

15 minutes later, they were seating at a sidewalk pavement of a banh canh store on Hai Ba Trung Street. Shane watched in amazement as Tai devoured his rice noodles hungrily. The poor kid must be starved, he thought. He was not aware of the many pairs of eyes stealing glances at the peculiar sight of a white man with a dirty, ragged kid. Shane was too preoccupied with his journalistic instincts telling him to find out more about the kid seated opposite him, thoroughly enjoying his noodles. Tai couldn’t be more than 7 years old, he thought. He decided to bring Tai home. He suddenly realized what Bob’s wink meant.

Upon reaching home, Shane was beginning to wonder if it was a good idea at all, bringing Tai back to his place. Now, he wasn’t so sure if there would be kidnapping charges against him. Or worse – pedophile charges. Or maybe this kid was going to rob him with the backing of the so-called syndicate. But the look of utter nervousness and discomfort written all over Tai’s face as they entered his house shoved all doubts to the back of his mind. Standing there, Tai saw the stark contrast between his world beneath the bridge and Shane’s luxurious world above it. He, like many other street kids had found shelter under the bridge at the Saigon riverside. The comfort under that bridge certainly cannot be compared to this, Tai thought. This place was fit for a king! Tai stood unable to move, as he took in the surroundings. Despite the untidiness left by Shane, Tai felt the place was rather clean. He felt if he walked any further, he might dirty the place.

Shane watched Tai, as he closed the door behind him. Surely, Tai was taken aback by this unfamiliar place. He probably did not have the luxury of ever stepping into a fully furnished house like that, he thought. He felt even more moved by that simple thought.

“So, do you like it?”
Tai did not answer. He looked at Shane, feeling lost in a new environment.
“Ok. You have to shower, get clean up, then you’re going to bed, ok?”
Tai remained silent.
“Ok. Come on. Come, tam,” Shane said as he showed Tai to the bathroom.

Tai looked at the spotless white bathroom. He took his baths in the river. He could not remember a time where he had been in a proper toilet but now, here it was – a real toilet. He looked at the faucets at the shower area. There was one with a red dot, and another one with a blue dot. The colour was universal language signaling hot and cold. He knew that, and he smiled.
Shane got out a new bar of soap and handed it to Tai. He also got a clean towel and one of his T-shirt for the boy. He left all that on the edge of the sink and walked out, closing the door.

As he prepared the couch for Tai’s sleepover, the boy walked out of the bathroom, looking very much like a Wizard of Oz. Shane laughed at the sight.

“This for girl!” Tai said tugging at the over-sized T-shirt.
“No, no. It is mine. But too big for you, eh? Nevermind. Just for tonight.” Shane laughed again, at the innocent confusion that was clearly on Tai’s face.
“Sleep now. Chao buoi toi!” Shane said to Tai as he left Tai on the couch.

Neither of them got much sleep that night.

Tai stared at the TV set in the dark. It was directly opposite the couch he was sleeping on. Why is this white man so kind? He had not asked for sex. What did he want? When will Ong Tuan realize that I am missing? Will I be punished? Tai absent-mindedly played with his bandaged hands and knee as these thoughts repeated themselves in his mind. But soon, Tai drifted off to sleep, with images of TV sets and shower curtains encircling his dreams.

While Tai was in dreamland, Shane was still very much awake, tossing and turning in his bed. What was he doing? He thought. This was not some potential girlfriend, this was a kid, for Christ’s sake! What should he do about him? Bring him back to the streets and leave him there? Hoping not to bump into him ever again after that? Give him some money? Put him into school? Bring him to an orphanage? The red numbers on his radio clock told him that it was almost dawn. I’ll figure it out tomorrow, he thought as he closed his eyes to get some sleep. He went to sleep knowing that he wanted a story out of this kid.

The next morning, Shane opened his eyes only to find the face of a Vietnamese kid staring at him. With a start, he jumped off the bed on the other side. “What the fuck?!!” His sudden reaction had scared Tai too, as Tai backed towards the cupboard.
“I no do anything!” Tai said indignantly, looking at Shane.
“Oh, it’s you. What time is it?” Shane responded, rubbing his eyes, feeling the urge of getting in between the sheets again. Events of the past evening came back to him. The memory woke him up. He looked at Tai. Tai had changed back into his dirty rags.

For breakfast that morning, Shane introduced Tai to Kellog’s Cornflakes and milk. Tai did not quite like the peculiar breakfast, but he ate anyway, not knowing when his next meal will come by. He had remembered times when he picked up half-eaten sandwiches thrown away by someone on the roadside or half-eaten packets of potato chips strewn all over the walkway at the riverside, the work of many couples in love, who dated by the riverside. As he remembered how once, late at night, he saw a couple in a rather compromising position on the bench and gasped, causing much discomfort for the couple, a giggle escaped his mouth.

“What’s so funny, kid?”
Tai looked at Shane, not answering. He had picked up bits and pieces of street English here and there from Ong Tuan, and some other kids, but he knew it was not enough to hold a proper conversation with a white man, certainly.

As Tai continued chewing on his crunchy flakes, Shane made a call to Bob.
“One more story and I’m out of here, Bob.”
“Milk the story, old boy! The kid trust you now, doesn’t he? Get to the bottom of it! You’re the man!” Bob growled on the other line. Meanwhile, Shane looked at Tai and wondered what to do with him. He ended the call abruptly, thinking of the word “trust” that Bob had just mentioned.

“We get you some clothes, ok? And shoes?” Shane nodded, answering his own question.
“Buy me gum. I have to sell. Make money.”
“I’ll give you some money. But you must help me.”
Tai stopped chewing his cornflakes. He stared at Shane. He was going to ask for sex now, he thought. Ong Tuan was not here. He could refuse.
“No, no sex! I no help!”
Tai’s response shocked Shane to the core. The ugliness of the reality set in. This was bad. Very bad, he thought.
“No, I don’t want sex, Tai,” Shane tried to explain to Tai. “I’m not a bad man. I am a reporter, you know? Lam gioi?”
Tai nodded, then went on to finishing the last of his cornflakes. At this point, Shane was lost for words. It hit him that all of last night, the poor kid was probably lying in the couch thinking that he had wanted sex.
“Foreigner. Some good. Some no good,” Tai spoke again.
“Yes, I know, Tai. I know.”
“Some ask for sex. Small girl, small boy, no matter.”
Shane nodded, taking it all in.
“You write in paper? Maybe they stop foreigner ask sex, huh?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Tai. But I can try,” Shane answered glumly. Suddenly, he felt the huge burden of having a tonne of civic responsibilities put on his shoulders. This had got to be far worse than being responsible for a girlfriend. When he had done the piece on child exploitation in Cambodia, it was to create awareness. But it did not stop anything. He had always thought that one man alone cannot change the world. That was why he always took on political pieces, and seldom social pieces to work on. He could do without the burden. He looked at Tai, feeling helpless. Here was a kid who thought if this made in into the papers, it would stop everything. In a way, it was not a wrong thought. The only thing was that in reality, there were many other contributing factors.
“Can’t you get help from somewhere?”
When Tai did not answer, Shane spoke in Vietnamese.
“Cong an come to catch. Put kid in house. Many other boys and girls. But they no like. No free like outside. When naughty, they beat them! So, I no want to go there.”
This must be the orphanage homes, he thought. A colleague had done a piece on the orphanages before, but only because the orphanages had wanted to do a donation drive. He knew they took in street kids occasionally. At that time, the story angle was that there were not enough homes to go round sheltering all the homeless kids. He could not remember much else. It was not his piece. Furthermore, he was working on Clinton’s lifting of the trade embargo.

Shane could feel his spirits settling on low for the day as he and Tai looked at each other. This was why he never liked doing social pieces. The reality of the world was too close for comfort. It always pushed him to the edge of helplessness and he could feel that helplessness now. Without knowing what else to say to Tai now, he thought a survival tip might come in handy.

“You said to me, no sex, just now. You can always say no next time to other people.”
Tai understood the gist of what Shane was trying to say. Could he tell Shane that Ong Tuan would beat him if he refused? No, he couldn’t possibly tell Shane about Ong Tuan. He’d be killed. There was no reason why Shane needed to know about Ong Tuan. So, in response to Shane’s statement, Tai just nodded his head.

“Is someone else making you do it, Tai?” Shane asked, suddenly remembering the ‘syndicate’.
Tai looked at Shane. This white man knew I was lying, he thought. Tai ignored the question. Instead, he changed the subject.
“I show you my house, ok?”

Tai knew Ong Tuan never came around in the day. It would be alright to show this reporter the shelter under the bridge. There were only two things Tai was afraid of – Ong Tuan, and the police. He didn’t want to be caught and sent to the home his other friends told him about. He would not be able to run around as he pleased, or swim in the river or play with his friends. With Ong Tuan, he just did not want to be beaten or scolded by him. To him, he owed Ong Tuan because Ong Tuan had taken care of him. Well, after all, that was what Ong Tuan always said.

As they neared the riverside, Tai decided that he liked Shane already. He had seen the sincerity in Shane’s eyes when he told his story earlier. Tai had never seen such sincerity displayed by a foreigner before. This man had compassion, he thought. Maybe he wanted to help. Maybe he can help, he thought. However, he was too young to know how, or what. He only knew that he needed to put food in his tummy. And Ong Tuan helped him do that. But then again, this man just bought him a pair of slippers. And he laughed at my jokes. Tai couldn’t help feeling that the short walk from the house to the riverside, and the slipper buying stop, had made Shane seemed like a father he never remembered having.

Shane followed Tai as he nimbly skipped off the bridge and went under it, crouching down low. Shane followed suit. He could smell the stench of the river. The Mekong River wasn’t exactly the cleanest in the world. He could only think of the man pissing into the river as he walked past just now. To the Vietnamese, half the world was their toilet. They did it everywhere, but indoors. So, it was not possible that the Mekong Delta would be spared as yet another outdoor toilet. In this case, it was a natural toilet.

Shane heard soft chattering as they walked deeper under the bridge. He could hear the water gently lapping on the edges of the rock bank. He did not brace himself for what he was going to see next.

Staring back at him were the faces of about twenty kids, a mixture of boys and girls. Three of the boys had instantly jumped into the river, swimming away as fast as possible. Tai called out to them, explaining that the white man was not a cop. He laughed at the antics of his friends.
“They think you cong an. They swim away," Tai turned, explaining to Shane, still giggling away. Soon, the kids were surrounding Tai, questioning him about his accident and his new friend.

Shane looked at the area, his knees were about to give way. But he did not particularly want to sit down on the moss-covered ground. How could anyone live here? It was not even a flat sleeping surface. It was a sloped riverbank! He shook his head. He recalled the numerous times he had walked on the bridge above, totally oblivious to what was going on beneath it. A thought struck him – isn’t this what half the world is doing daily? People only see what they wanted to see. The dirt, the grime, they were all swept underneath. The reality was always there, but typical of human beings to view the world with filters covering their eyes. He was a culprit.

Suddenly, a fragment of the kids’ conversation aroused his curiosity. They had mentioned the name Ong Tuan and Tai was apparently wondering if this man was angry with his disappearance. The kids had told him that lucky for him, Ong Tuan didn’t do a head count last night. So, they were controlled. Shane was not surprised.

“Tai, who is Ong Tuan?” Shane asked.
Suddenly, the kids all turned silent. They started whispering to each other. At this point, Shane was glad he spoke and understood fluent Vietnamese. They had decided to divert his attention by swarming him with their goods. A flurry of “buy my gum, sir” enveloped Shane. Shane wasn’t sure he could handle twenty kids right now. He decided to make an exit. He needed to think things through and let them settle in. He crouched his way back to the sunshine. Already, the stench was getting to him.

As he stepped out, and onto the bridge again, he noticed Tai and a couple of kids following him.
“My money. You said give me money.”
“Oh, you have a good memory!” Shane said mockingly, as he pulled out his wallet.
As he handed Tai 200,000 Dong, Tai asked, “See you again?”
“Yea, kid. See you again,” Shane replied. Well, he knew where the kid stayed now. He could always look him up. But would he?
“You write, you help, ok?” Tai said gleefully to Shane, holding out the thumbs-up sign.
Shane looked at Tai, again, the feeling of helplessness swept past him. Not knowing what to say, Shane turned around and walked off.
“Buy my gum, sir!” Tai shouted at him, grinning, then turned around and skipped under the bridge with his friends. Shane looked at Tai disappearing under the bridge and shook his head. This kid was amazing, he thought. If I lived there, I would be angry with the world. How does he do it?

That night, while he had a lonely dinner at the old Italian restaurant in the backpacker’s area, he couldn’t help thinking about Tai. In his seven years of young life, Tai had been through more than Shane did. Yet, the boy lived everyday with not much care in the world, the only worry being where his next meal was coming from. Despite all, Tai could laugh when it was time to laugh. He remembered the little shoe-buying activity that day. He had laughed at Tai’s simple manner, his fresh perspective at things and life in general. Tai wasn’t an old and crusty cynic like himself. That was what was amazing about the little boy. He was simple. What made someone living a hard life as simple as all that? His thoughts went back to the shoe store again, where Tai had tried on a few pairs of slippers then, finally settling down for a cheap pair. He had said “Expensive, people take.” Tai had been very happy with his cheap slippers, running and kicking in the air with them. Then, Shane remembered one more thing – this person called Ong Tuan, which clearly, Tai and the other kids were very much afraid of. He got on the phone with his Vietnamese assistant. A little snooping around might help. Shane could see the story angle now – a syndicate which needed to be stopped.

“Honey, I’m home!”
“My name is not Ha Ni. It is Tai!”
“Holy Mother of God! What the?!!” Shane shouted as he nearly jumped out of his skin. In his fright, he had dropped his keys. He turned on the light switch immediately, thinking he must be hearing things. And there he was, little Tai huddled in one corner near his array of shoes. Shane did not notice Tai was bare-footed once again.
“Tai! What are you… How did you get in?!” Shane asked, his voice still very much raised.
“You no lock door,” Tai said, pointing at the sliding door that opened to the small yard at the other end of the house.
“What are you doing back here?!” Shane was rattled with the fact that someone had just intruded into his home. He noticed a bruise on Tai’s right cheeks, and he softened. “What happened?”
Tai looked at Shane, shaking his head. He was not about to tell Shane that Ong Tuan had been furious at finding out he had brought a foreigner under the bridge. Nevermind that the fact that Shane was a reporter was left out, it was still bad enough. For that, he had taken a beating from the menacing old man. It might lead to more trouble to tell Shane. Instead, Tai told a white lie.
“Other people beat me. Cross the line to their area,” Tai said, nodding affirmatively. It was not far from the truth. There were a number of times when Tai sold his chewing gum at another group’s area and got beaten up by the group leader. Hell, Ong Tuan probably beat up some other kids who entered his area anyway.
“I stay here, ok?” Tai pointed at the couch.
Shane said nothing, but nodded. What was he to do? What could he do? Go to the police? If the police could really do something about it, these syndicates would have been stopped a long time ago. But today, the number was growing. Again, Shane shook his head helplessly, the third time for today.
“You hungry?” He asked Tai.
Tai nodded.
“You want pizza?”
Tai’s face lighted up. “Yes. I know pizza. Italy bread, no?”
“Yes, it is kid,” Shane smiled.

Soon, they were both seated in front of the television, Tai enjoying his pizza, playing with the cheese strings as he took a bite off the Pepperoni Delight. There was a look of contentment on Tai’s face. Simple life’s pleasure that he never had before and was now enjoying. He never took his eyes away from the TV set. He had always been very intrigued by the pictures and sounds coming out of it, having seen it in some of the shops along the streets. Of course, he could not understand what the woman in the screen was saying, but he stared, mesmerized by the screen, or perhaps, the beautiful woman in the screen.

Shane looked at the little kid in rags, seating cross-legged enjoying his pizza. For some reason, he was inspired by the kid’s blind passion for life. For some reason, he enjoyed the kid’s company. He didn’t feel lonely tonight. He thought about the shock earlier of a response to his “Honey, I’m home!” He had always hoped there would be one, someday. Today, he got what he asked for. But not the entire way it was supposed to work. Yet, better than nothing. He sighed contentedly.

**********
“You are getting too personal with your story angle!”
“What do you mean personal? I speak the truth!”
“Look, Shane. A lot of journalists fall in the trap of their own emotions! You know enough, done enough not to do that!”
“I know how to separate my emotions from the story! Sure as hell, Bob!”
“Oh yea? What then is the part on hoping to adopt all about? You’re losing sight of the objectivity!”
“Bob! Bob! That’s a personal hope! I can use that!”
“Shane, for what it’s worth, you’re good at your job. You would know what to do. Get the angle right. Stick to it.”

Shane left Bob’s room in a huff. Crusty old man, he thought. What does he know about a kid living under the bridge? All he knew and cared about were his pub-girls who served him his favourite beer and danced around his lap. Damn it! Shane walked out of the office to clear his head. The evening traffic in Saigon was already building up.

Was he really getting too personal with the story now? Was he losing focus of the objectives? What were they? He didn’t know anymore. Could Bob be right? His angles and contents were all mixed up. What started out as a syndicate-unfolding story had suddenly turned into a personal story displaying his helplessness. Instead of digging deeper and investigating the syndicate, Shane had instead rummaged through piles and piles of information on child adoption. What was he thinking of?

Shane’s thoughts went to Tai. In a short several weeks, Tai had redeemed a part of his own life which he thought he would never find. The simple and fresh outlook that Tai had in life, had inspired Shane in more ways than one. The faith of embracing life no matter what life threw at you. The ignorance of a child, made room for that faith - the faith that it would all get better, no matter what. Sometimes, not understanding and not knowing life’s ugliness helps. But what would Tai turn out to be when he reached adulthood? Would he still hold that same faith and passion for life? That carefree, “yay-I’ve got-new-slippers” delight?

As Shane turned the corner into Nguyen Hue street, his thoughts continued, oblivious to the blaring Saigon traffic and filthy smog around him. That feeling of helplessness had engulfed him ever since he came face-to-face with some twenty kids living under the bridge. He knew a story was not going to help twenty kids earn a better life. What could he do? He could adopt Tai. That was one kid he saved. It was no wonder human beings didn’t like to think about saving the world. It was easier to ignore. As they say – ignorance was bliss.

In his chase for the story, Shane realized he had drowned further into his helplessness. All he could think about was giving Tai a better life, so that his bright and sparkling faith in life will never change. Absent-mindedly, he kicked an empty Sarsi can in front of him. The can flew a couple of metres and landed on the small back of a man, squatted on the sidewalk.

“Xin loi, anh”, Shane apologized. Shane continued walking on, as the man eyed him with a rather hard stare. Shane, not wanting trouble, quickly walked past. The old man was in a business bargain with another man. They were haggling over the price of a Sony DVD Player and amplifier. Shane walked, on, remembering his own Sony player at home which Tai was in awe of on his first visit.

He decided he’ll go back early tonight. Maybe he’ll talk to Tai about the adoption bit. Might be good to hear what the kid has to say, he thought.

“Too short for the light switch, kiddo?” Shane said as he entered his house, hitting the light switches. He looked around for Tai. It was still and quiet. Shane took one look around the house and he knew something was terribly wrong.

His prized Sony home-theater system was no longer where it used to be. His IMAC notebook was gone too. The whole place was in a mess, a type of hurricane mess but no signs of Tai. Tai was gone, along with his possessions. A few minutes passed before Shane took in what happened in his own home. A sudden crunching feeling took over now. He collapsed into his sofa, and ran his hands over his eyes, hoping when he opened his eyes again, the emptiness to his house would be gone. Unfortunately, there would be no magic tricks tonight. He did not know what to think anymore. All he could hope for was that Tai was not in any ways involved voluntarily.

He walked to the fridge, carefully avoiding the trash his stealers left behind. What were they doing? Emptying the entire contents of the fridge like that? They must’ve been hungry! Shane cursed beneath his breath. He needed a beer badly now.

**********
The plane took off, putting the distance between him and Vietnam. But Shane knew, no matter how far the distance, it would not erase the horrible memory of what he saw that night. The memory of little Tai’s naked blue body, squeezed into his tiny refrigerator will always haunt him.
And here he was – flying away, escaping that terrible nightmare, but never able to escape that helplessness of what he could not do to change things in this world. Or could he?