You know, it is a bit of a challenge to write about my Mom and my Dad individually. Why? Because to me, despite seeing them through all their ups and downs, they are like a match made in heaven (though, I think my Mom might protest against this statement). Very literally speaking - one is half-blind and the other is half-deaf. They need each other! Although they've only had a short 6-month courtship before tying the knot, they are going to be celebrating their 34th year anniversary this December. Writing about them as a couple would probably take up a few chapters! But I did get the very best of both their genes. Thank God for that!Anyway, I'll start off with my dear Mommy. She's been off the government work-force for the past 10 years. And since then, she's been getting younger and hippier (got rid of her 'teacher's looks' and wardrobe) and *gasp* also becoming a party animal. Some weekend nights, she'd come back at wee hours in the morning! Jokes aside, she's taken her retirement in a very positive stride. Whilst she still works as a home tuition teacher, she has been keeping herself busy with line-dancing and all the parties that come with it.
When they say that grandchildren are the grandparents' best revenge, I'm not sure how far it rings true for my Mom. You see, as far as I've known and heard, my Mom had been a very, very well-behaved child when she was young. None of those teenage rebellion or angst or going out with a string of boys. Por Por and Kung Kung never had problems with her (or not that I know of!). Unlike me, who came into this world after a five-day delay, and being a bundle of joy..... and then as I grew up, gave her an abundance of heartache and stress... and not to mention, heart-attacks too.
My Mom has sacrificed a lot for the family. She may not be perfect, but she is without a doubt, a 1000% excellent wife and mother. Dad & I usually tease her and call her the "robot" at home because she seems to work non-stop. There's always some cooking, ironing, mopping, sweeping, etc... to be done around the house. Whilst Dad is an extremely lucky husband, we are extremely lucky children because all our needs are taken care of. So much so that even after the age of 30, my brother and I are refusing to leave the nest - much to Dad's chagrin. Mom loves doting upon us - even though she complains and nags. But Dad, on the other hand, wants Mom to fully concentrate on him instead! Now that I am married and little brother is working overseas, I'm pretty sure he's enjoying all the attention from Mom :)
She always made sure we had food on the table, favourite snacks in the fridge, clean clothes ironed to perfection, clean bedsheets, clean towels, medication when we traveled, basically, everything. It's quite funny because as kids, we had to do household chores. In fact, Mom sometimes stood there with a cane and bionic eyes to ensure we didn't do a shoddy job! (and I truly resented that!) But when we started working, she somehow reclaimed all the household chores. Yippee!! But it was thanks to the years of being walloped to do proper household chores that I could live independently when I went abroad. When I was studying in Australia, I saw some of my friends struggling with their laundry - and as I handwashed my bedsheet because I didn't want to put AUS2 into the washing machine since I was on a meagre allowance - I expressed gratitude in my heart - that I knew how to do something like this (and I swore that when I grew up, I never ever want to do my own household chores :P).
Mom is the type who remembers everyone's birthday, special occasions, exam dates, school activities time-table, wake-up times (Dad, bro and I all had different wake-up timing and she was our alarm clock back then!), meal times, tuition times, homework deadlines - I'm surprised she never kept a time-table for herself back then. She simply just remembers and made sure we got everything done. In this aspect - it is where she truly spoils us, whereas Dad has a more pragmatic approach. He always said "They have hands and legs - they can look after themselves! If they are hungry, they'll fix their own meal to eat!" Mom would tirelessly chauffeur us to our school activities or friends' birthday parties while Dad would ask if we had fought with the public bus driver. If we had to walk somewhere, Mom would be heartachingly sorry because the sun was too hot, or it might rain whereas Dad would say "It builds character." So one could pretty much see - we grew up with a very good balance in our lives :)
One very funny vivid memory I have of my Mom being that 1000% dedicated Mom was when I was working as an account executive in an ad agency. My Mom was still teaching then. She was still my alarm clock, you know, even though I could very well set my own alarm clock. See, she went to school at 7am in the morning and classes started at 7.30am. I did not need to get up till 8am to get to work by 8.30am. She would sneak out from class to call me from the public phone from her school (back then, she didn't know how to use a mobile phone!) and then knowing I would fall straight back asleep, she would call me again ten minutes later to make sure I was up. Much like that "snooze" button on your alarm clock! When Dad found out what my Mom was doing (because Mom was always worried about not being able to sneak out from class), he chucked a ball. Here's what he said - "If she is late for work, then let her face the music! She has to learn somewhere and somehow!!" She continued being my alarm clock until I got posted to Jakarta :) Now, do you see how dedicated she is? If I were a mother, would I do the same? Without hesitation - NO. My convenience takes precedent :P
Mom is a worry-wart. She worries about everything and she would be extremely stressed-out if not panicked-stricken. I learnt from an early age - she wasn't the go-to person if you're in any trouble that wasn't of the female-kind, know what I mean? If you were in jail (not that I ever was!!) or in a bad accident or in trouble with the law or anything like these sorts - never go to Mom. One of the reasons my Dad wanted us to get out of the house now that we're of age was because Mom never got a good night's sleep when we were around. Even though we no longer had curfews and could very well get home whatever time we wanted, she would still worry when we were not back home. And this, greatly disturbed Dad's sleep. (I'm writing this and I am laughing). If I wrote an email back home to say that I am ill, she would worry for days too. If she didn't hear from my brother, she would worry as well. Needless to say, if I called home crying, I think she would be hospitalized!
Now, don't take that as a sign that my Mom is weak. She certainly isn't. She is a saliently strong woman. She tirelessly strives to make sure everyone else's lives are better. Sure, she complains and complains - but she never shrugs from this responsibility. She took it upon herself that it was her responsibility - and she does it to perfection. Sometimes, doing more than what is required of her - in which, my Dad would call her a "stubborn bonehead". Out of all the family members that I love so deeply, I know for a fact that my Mom is the most reliable person. Unless of course, you are being attacked by snakes - then, sorry, you're definitely on your own because my Mom would already be dead should a snake so much as look at her!
Out of the two of them, Mom is sometimes, the easier one to take for granted. Not sure why. Sometimes, things just cannot be explained! But you see, whilst she may be "half-blind", has a terrible affinity to anything to do with electronics, computers and technology (if the tire is out flat, she'll be in a real fix) and would have a seizure if the 'slithery things' got near her, she is totally independent and strong and just as much as she takes care of all of us so well, she will also be able to take care of herself. Or at least, that is the impression and perception that my brother and I have.
It is my Dad I worry about - should *touch wood* Mom no longer be around because Dad wouldn't be so well-taken care of without Mom around! Right now, all he needs to do is make a remark like "Hmmm... it is 3pm already.... it is time for what? You know?" And automatically, Mom will make him a cup of coffee. Or he would just sit at the dining table and say "Coffee time!" and magically, a cup of coffee would appear in front of "His Royal Highness" as my Mom sometimes called him. Mom knows all of our favourite foods / fruits / snacks / drinks..... but we are not very sure what she likes. She's not fussy with her food and mostly, she eats whatever we all do not finish. Except for pineapple and jackfruit, I'm not even sure what her favourite meal is! I'm sure my Dad has not a clue either :P Get this even - my Dad once commented recently when he observed me being a wife to my husband - he said "You must learn to be like your Mom, you know, take care of the husband very well." He forgets sometimes, that I am his daughter :P
We didn't come from a well-to-do family. I mean, they were both "non-graduate" government school teachers. The non-graduate part set their salary scale on a different note - one that is lower than their younger "graduate" counterparts, which I personally think is bollocks. Anyway, since I was a kid, I saw Mom as the strong family figurehead who made sure we had the best in life. I had taekwondo lessons, piano lessons, a trip to KFC or Mickey D's once in a while - you know, Mom & Dad would take us to Mickey D's and then they left us there to enjoy our burgers and fries while they went to some streetside hawker to have cheap noodles. This memory always reminds me of the sacrifices my parents had made for me. Which is why, now that I'm pretty okay with my finances, I like taking them out for meals at expensive places or with unique food experiences.
Of all the skill-sets I have today, the one that I am most thankful to my Mom for is my writing abilities (ok, some may snort at my writing "abilities" but whatever!). She instilled the habit of reading and writing in me since I was in pre-school and I've never looked back. Parents - be careful what you instil in your child as it may come back to bite you in the butt. Like the time she caught me reading my Enid Blytons with a torchlight even though I was supposed to be sleeping and in any case, was only allowed to read them after my exams. Or the times I wrote letters to my Mom because I couldn't argue with her verbally - which she commented : "I cannot write like you. Your words are sharp." Ouch.
But seriously - she would make me write about my holidays on those exam foolscap papers (which teachers do steal from school :P) and she would sit next to me and made sure I did it well and properly. Till this day, I always write about my holiday trips. My first ever article in The Star's 'Starchild' column was about Mooncake Festival and something my Mom encouraged me to write on - and then encouraged me to submit to The Star. After I finished Form Five, I was a stringer for NST for awhile and every piece that I had written - my Mom cut them out and collected them in a scrapbook. Now, I'm also a published writer with Silverfish Books. I did wonder though, if she saw my talent as a kid and decided to hone my talents, or was it just something she drew out of me?
Over the many, many years, my Mom and I have had a rather turbulent relationship. Most of the time, we don't see eye-to-eye. I hated her nagging, her rigid way of doing things, her easily-panicked ways - but most of all, I think I am baffled by how perfect and dedicated she is as a mother and as a wife! Sometimes, I just want her to go abit crazy and instead of doing the dishes, leave it in the sink for one night! (she'd rather die first than to do that, I reckon). But you know, we do share a great many happy, and I really mean, a great many laughing moments, happy moments and joyous moments together. One of the great things about her is her great sense of humour and wit. And eversince she stopped being a school teacher, she is a lot more open-minded too!
They say that 98% of females grow up to be their mothers. OMG. I do already have some of her genes in me. I'd like to think I'm hardworking like her, I'm intelligent like her and I'm strong like her. She is also very inclined towards arts, language, culture, music - which I too, follow suit. Unfortunately, I also have a very bad sense of direction like her and I hate mental calculations - just like her and we both have very bad logical-thinking sense too. If not because of the era in which I was born in, I'd probably be a technology-idiot, just like her! I suppose, when the genes were passed on, I didn't get to choose :P
But eversince I got married, I am relating to my Mom a lot more, because before this, I had only been a daughter. Now, I am also a wife and a daughter-in-law. It took a long time for me to decide to finally tie the knot because I saw the many, many, many sacrifices she had to make as a wife and as I said - the perfection in which she carries out her duties. And would I want to be a mother to further relate to her more? Read above : Grandchildren are grandparents' best revenge. The answer is NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
But I sure as hell hope Mom would be around forever. For so many reasons, including - importantly, to take care of my Dad! But mostly, because I know I will miss her as I always do when I don't see her.
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