The Kingdom of Chaos

I've meant to write this piece but have been putting it off for awhile now simply because it had been a very trying three months in the Kingdom. This week would mark my 2nd year in the Kingdom and last week particularly, had been extra challenging.

I had read back what I wrote 3 weeks after I arrived in 2008 here and I knew that this time around, my tone would sound... well, different. Why? Well, I guess, it is because, living in Cambodia can be trying and challenging at the same time. It does get under your skin.

I admit that with a whole lot of patience, an ounce of aggressiveness, a tonne of hardwork and a dash of luck, Cambodia is truly a place where one can make money. If you remove all forms of morality and conscience, you could perhaps even make loads of money here. And with money, you can practise the all-time, all-accepted and widely used "UTM" concept here - an acronym for "Under Table Money". The Cambodians tell me - "In Cambodia, if you have money - you can do anything you want." Even murder apparently.

Of course, when I first came back to Cambodia, I had this whole load of passion and vision in helping the young generation of Cambodians to elevate themselves and strive for a better life for themselves. Unfortunately, this passion has waned and is continuing to wane further, like water seeping through the gaps of my fingers. Through experiences, some forums, the regular chats with other expatriates working here - I've come to realize and accept two things - that the Cambodian people as a mass - whilst harmless, are generally lazy; and that it is not up to me to "save" them if they refuse to "save" themselves. Excuse me for a second, whilst I do speak of them as a mass, there are a handful of Cambodians who have proved to be hardworking and with lots of heart. Some of them include the team that I have at work :)

My team at work here has been with me since the get-go and whilst it had been frustrating steering them down the right path in the business that we do, I am finally seeing some fruit bearing shape. I always tell them that it does not matter if they are inexperienced, or stupid even, but as long as they are not lazy - they'll make it. Yes. I believe so. It is the "laziness" of the people of this country that really gets to me. In essence - they remind me a lot of some of my fellow countrymen back home. They often use the genocide war as an excuse for their lack of knowledge and poor living conditions. The worse of it is that - in general, the Cambodians are even too lazy to think, preferring to make a fast buck whenever and wherever they can. Or if the job seems too complicated - they would prefer not to make the money at all and go back to complaining about how poor they are and how they live on the streets. Like when we had to hang a wall banner up for a client and the supplier said he didn't know how to do it. If he had just utilized his brains a little more - he would've figured it out. But in the end, I had to pay him AND taught him how to bloody do it as well.

Because of the business that I do in Cambodia, I interact a lot with the young Cambodians and when I actually ask them what are their ambition - they would say "I want to work in the tax office," or "I want to work in the post office." To get jobs within these government departments - and even in the police force, is not difficult. It costs merely USD2k - USD5k to 'buy' your position there. And from here onwards, UTM enables one to further line their pockets. Sometime last year, a friend of mine delivered an EMS package to me. First of all, miraculously - the parcel arrived. Second of all, when I was called to collect my parcel, the idiot at the counter asked me for a bribe of USD10 before he would release the parcel to me. (Of course, USD10 is the charges for a foreigner. The locals get charged between USD2 - USD5). I was fuming. Literally. The fact that me rattling off in English and swearing in between only fell on blank looks added on to the frustrations. You see, my spoken Khmer can only get me by that far. When I'm angry - I tend to think solely in English :P

What about the challenging 'no electricity' situation last week? Electricite du Cambodge, the equivalent of Tenaga Nasional, had accidentally disconnected the electricity to our apartment. We were out of power for a good 30 hours. Boy, was I in a foul mood. And in true Cambodian style, to get the electricity connected again, one has to do the whole UTM thing. In case I really shot anyone down and had no money to UTM my way out of a murder conviction, I told my landlady to settle the damn issue. Welcome to Cambodia, huh? When I greet new arrivals with this phrase - they should really take it with a pinch of salt.

The government impunity practised here is by far - a hundred times worse than Malaysia (still, shame on Malaysia for being compared to Cambodia - I'm telling you Jason) - with the ranked and non-ranked officials doing as they please. I've had my fair share of threats because I had on occasion told some people off - without knowing who the hell they were. I mean, you spit into the damn swimming pool and blow your nose in it - I ain't sitting back and not saying something about it - because I use the pool too! Or the other time when I overtook a Hummer with black-tinted windows (any large vehicles with black tinted windows are often linked to government officials or the mafia) and he stopped right next to my car - believe me, at that moment, I thought he was going to roll down his window and shoot me, so I did the next best thing - I pretended to cry. And the Hummer left me alone. You've got all these So-And-So's wife using the gym and they would actually tell you to get off the machine because they want to use it. And then they get on the machine and yak on their mobile phones at the top of their voices. They may be rich and powerful, but they certainly have no class and in fact, appear uncouth to me too. I've asked the locals time and time again about the whole UTM thing and the impunity and all they ever answer is "We cannot do anything about it." Arse-luck then. Neither can I.

The other frustrating thing here in the Kingdom is the expatriates themselves. For some reason - the moment they arrive in Cambodia, they tend to become "stupid" and "ignorant". I mean, things that they don't normally do back home or they can't do back home - they will start doing here. Like throwing their garbage everywhere or drilling at 6am on a freaking Sunday morning. I'm sorry to say - especially the French - because they seem to walk around as if they own this place. Yes, I know, you used to colonize Cambodia - but hey - stop being delusional - you no longer rule this place! Even at work, you know, whether they be Malaysians, Singaporeans, Aussies, Brits, Americans.... they just tend to get "stupid". Like how much would you pay for service fee in your country? But over here - you suddenly do not believe in paying for service fee? I've once had a major issue with a major client all written here. In a discussion the other day with a fellow expatriate facing the same problems and issues, I've come to realize that in general, the foreigners who are sent to Cambodia have no intentions of elevating the livelihoods of the people here - even though they are meant to train the locals, share knowledge with the locals, help the locals and build sustainable businesses for the locals. It's really quite sad because by keeping the Cambodians down, happens to be their only way of staying on top in this country. No wonder they always rave about Cambodia and how great the chaos of this place is. This is one of the reasons my passion to "save Cambodians" have waned as well. I'm the only corporate fool wanting to make a change. And I simply can't do it alone. Reality bites - I have to feed my team too, you know.

Yes, admittedly, there are a few NGOs doing really good work for the children here - and I especially admire the efforts of Mark Turgesan and friends for setting up Friends and the ChildSafe Network. When I wanted to set up a Youth Social Enterprise, I had a long discussion with Mark and another one with the Director of PSE. Bottomline is - they loved the idea that I had, but to get it all started - is truly another story altogether. So I took a step back and I set-up a tiny training centre for the Cambodian youths instead. Still, it is not up to me alone to "save" them. And I also volunteer at the orphanage for kids with HIV - this experience has been remarkable - seeing myself - from someone who cringed at touching these kids (even though I am educated enough about AIDS) to hugging and kissing these children who so deserve at least some love and attention.

I'm barely keeping my sanity around me these days. Work is already stressful enough as it is (the pace of getting things done in Cambodia is certainly not suitable for those who are in the business of having to deliver deadlines!) What with the French bitch upstairs knocking and drilling for the last 2 months (For this, I am proud to say that I've told her off when she belittled me as an 'Asian' who had never even heard of Europe by saying "No. I've NEVER heard of Europe, but from where I come from, people are A LOT MORE CONSIDERATE.") and the escalating mass stupidity that multiplies by twenty every single day, it's all getting to me and contributing to my bad karma. You see, eversince I came to Cambodia, I've been collecting bad karma - why? Simply because I curse people to death on a daily basis; "I hope you die!" when I drive and you know, ever since the French bitch declared war, I've been plotting at how to get back at her (get MOH to urinate at her door), and whilst I honestly do not mean it nor will I carry my actions out - it's just bad karma even to think about it or curse that way! I mean, back home, I don't find myself wishing death upon someone (ok, maybe one or 2 nasty clients occasionally) nor plotting to make my neighbour's life a living hell on a daily basis!

I definitely have to talk about the medical facilities in this country. Before that, if you were to come visit at my apartment - you would find that I have enough medication to open a mini pharmacy - from diarrhoe to cough to the normal fever and flu. Even the doctors at the International SOS are unreliable. Earlier this year, MOH had Hepatitis and we paid freaking USD350 to do a blood test only to get these on the results "Acute Hepatitis" and when I asked the doctor if it is A, B, C or E his response was "Whatever it is, it is still the liver and best you go back to your own country to get a proper check." I wanted to slap this French doctor. The wedding group who came for the launch of TWP would definitely vouch for the miserable condition of seeking medical help - seeing as one of them had an allergic reaction to spiders and the doctor had to "check the internet" to determine spider allergies as he's never heard of it before and another one had the doctor forcing her to admit that she had running nose and sore throat so that he could diagnose her with H1N1!

All in all, life in Cambodia isn't a bed of roses and because I've been here 3 months in a stretch - it's been absolutely frustrating. So much so that - to avoid blood pressure shooting off the roof, MOH and I have gone the 'anti-social' route of staying in - even on the weekends. We'd much rather cook and have a grand meal at home than to go out and order a Chicken A La Kiev and the waitress just stares at you like you're an idiot thus causing blood pressure to go haywire. Of course, it doesn't mean we've turned hermits. We still do go out. But lesser - it saves money too, since, despite the perception that Cambodia is a poor country, things are pretty damn expensive here! (My normal Cornflakes cost USD6.45 here - which is why, every trip we make back home, we bring back an entire mini-market with us).

So then, what is the balance of living life here? The trick is really to get out of the country every 2 months - which is an advice handed down by all the seasoned expatriates here. For those who can't, then,.... you know, we try to make the best of it and milk whatever good things that are found in this country - no matter how tiny - like the USD6 full body massage at a nice spa  or the special financial crisis set-lunch at one of the high-end Italian joints in town. Of course, looking at my FB photos of life here - with all the home-cooked feasts with MOH, date nights and what-nots, it seems like we're living the good life here in Cambodia. We both enjoy cooking a lot - and weekends are spent cooking and experimenting with menus for the entire week (MOH packs lunch to work) - once again, very cost-effective ;)

My Mom harrasses me about having a maid - but again - another indulgence to balance out the frustrations - although, I have to admit - the maid adds to my stress-levels too. In all honesty, the only reason I haven't fired her is because I trust her as she comes in to clean while I am still at work. In actual fact, I am only paying her to sweep and mop and wipe the dust off tables / chairs,..... as MOH and I do our own laundry, washing, dishes, etc (have long ago given up on her doing these as she is just too damn lazy to do it well). I have another acquaintance who has 3 children and a nanny for each child as well as two maids. She hails from USA and she says the same thing - "This is one of my perks for living in this sad country."

But don't get me wrong - there are a lot of nice people here too that help you get through the frustrations  better and can understand the situation you are in because they are likely to be in the exact same shite. They may be acquaintances or friends - but there are certainly nice people in existence in this country - and they come from all walks of life - from the Cambodian so-and-so who is a Minister at the PM's office who always asks me how am I doing in my triathlon training, to the Hawaiian chef who gives me my cake fix, to the Afghan woman who provides all the laughs and tells me Cambodia is Switzerland as compared to Kabul, to the tuk-tuk driver who whenever I do get into his tuk-tuk, always tells me to pay whatever I like, to the French F&B manager from FCC who has absolutely no airs about him and turns a blind eye to my "free parking" at his lot (the only French guy I've met so far in Cambodia who has absolutely no airs and realistically realizes he's in Asia - and lovin' it), to my local team who despite my Empress Dowager ways in pushing them to excel - would always be willing to help me get through a "Welcome to Cambodia" factor - like ordering cooking gas, to the Cambodian coffee man in the Russian Market who serves the "Best Iced Coffee" in Phnom Penh and is always ready with a smile and an additional free half cup of coffee for me (since the coffee is too strong and hubby and I usually just share 1 cup) right through to the Cambodian celebrity chef who is as humble as can be when he serves me his special jasmine-flavoured pudding (which is like a slice of heaven, by the way) - and there are still plenty of others out there.

Most importantly though - MOH is here with me - otherwise, I would've packed my bags within the first month of landing my ass in this Kingdom of Chaos.