Another Letter To Heaven.... A CNY Away From Family

 

This was circa 2018 when we actually
managed to take a full family photo

Dearest Ah Por, 

OMG!! The past two weeks had been rather crazy for me. I can now say that I had experienced a pandemic, and in the middle of that, I had experienced a military coup while I was in Myanmar. I don't want to say too much, except that it was quite a frantic and unpleasant with our telecommunications and internet access cut-off at times. I'm not sure if 2020 was just a trailer.... Ah Porrrrr! But thankfully, we are safe and sound. Pretty sure you recollect your days during the Japanese war, the war against the communists, the 1968 racial riots and the tyranny of our fake democracy in Malaysia. You're probably scoffing at me for being frantic just cause I lost internet connection. I cannot imagine how you had gone through the Japanese occupation and all of that. 

Anyway, Ah Por, tomorrow is CNY 2021 - the Year of the "Niu". Gonna be greeting everyone with Happy "Niu" Year! (I can almost hear the "aiya,.... ting nga yee!!" 

But I am away from family this year, Ah Por. Stuck here in Myanmar and I've been a little sad about it. The last time I missed CNY with the family was in 1998 when I was studying in Australia. I remembered, I was also very sad that year. I called many times (on reverse call, I remember cos I had no money to pay for phone calls!!! LOLOL!!), even during the family reunion dinner. Do you remember? It was that year though that I realized how important this celebration was for me and how important family was to me. It is a celebration of our culture, of our heritage, and also a deep root of family ties and values - for which without, I would be nothing. I made it a point after that, that no matter what, I will never ever miss another CNY with the family. Even though I worked abroad and some countries (like Myanmar) do not recognize CNY as a public holiday, I still took leave to be home and I would usually stay for the week and more. When I agreed to get married and you guys told me that my CNY would now be celebrated at my husband's side, you remembered how I bawled my eyes out and threatened not to get married? 😂😂😂 Well, thankful for my understanding in-laws. I was still hoping that this year, despite the craziness the world had experienced last year, (I told you about this crazy virus, you remember?) I would be able to get my ass home. But alas! That was not to be the case 😭😭😭 

So, here I am, moping around because I will miss all the family celebrations we usually do back in the kampung. We did not celebrate last year because we were in the mourning period. And this year - crazy virus period. I didn't even feel like celebrating this year. But a friend of mine told me that no matter what, we should still celebrate, it brings good "qi". And then I realized - it's true! Why should I let a pandemic stop me from being Chinese?? Right or not? I also know you wouldn't have liked that I was  not going to celebrate. It'll be so pantang! LOLOL! 

Let me regale you with my memories of our Lui family's CNY - although I'm sure you know very well how it was always celebrated because, I guess, most of it were your rules as the matriarch of the family! 😅😅😅 

It will always be the eve of CNY, where one by one, Yee Suk (in Sabah), Ku Cher (in KL), Suk Suk and family (in KL) and my family would take that journey home to the kampung. Some would've arrived a day or two earlier. My family - we usually started the journey early, early in the morning to avoid the god forsaken traffic jam coming home. I remembered one year, it took us 11 hours sitting in traffic to get home. We were so late for the reunion dinner! On CNY eve, there's usually a myriad of activities going on - the last minute cleaning (usually Ku Cher - she never finishes cleaning somehow! LOL), the hanging of new curtains or at least cleaned ones, new cushion covers, the hanging of the decorations (I would usually be the one decorating the whole house with all your leftover ang pows LOL!) and then the big prep for the reunion dinner! When you were still mobile, you would be the MasterChef, flexing your muscles in prepping all the dishes. There must be symbolic dishes - fish "yu", prawns "har" (for the hahaha laughter throughout the year) and of cos some vegetable dishes and like 10 dozen chickens. Ok, ok. Not so many. But you always had like A LOT of chicken on the table. And then I learnt that the more dishes we had on the table during the reunion feast, symbolized the wealth of the family and at that time, as a kid, I was conflicted. How the hell were we wealthy when we lived in a run-down wooden house?? As I grew older, I realized it was just all symbolical, you know. It was just your way of making sure everyone in the house at reunion had lots to eat and it was your happiness to see everyone filling up their tummy to the brim. One bowl of rice always gets a "Why you eat so little???" And then, I also realized, the chicken drumstick dilemma  - you had 6 grandchildren. One chicken would mean everyone had to fight for the drumstick. Having 3 chickens meant none of your grandchildren had to fight. We all had one each. And I still loved how you spoiled me cos you knew I wouldn't eat the white chicken skin so you always removed the skin from my chicken drumstick. In recent years though, Papa took over as MasterChef and Mama as the Sous Chef prepping this reunion dinner for the family. There's always the complain of why nobody was helping out much but it always gets done every year! 😅😅😅 

Anyway, after the dinner, it'll be a massive clean up - usually I try to hide and run but it was unavoidable as a kid. Funnily enough, as I started working, I got away with doing lesser of these chores. LOLOL!! Ya, you always say "why you so lazy, you are a big-eat-lazy!!" 😅😅😅 I just dislike cleaning up of any sort, till now! Anyway, after the cleaning up, there will be that long que to use the one single bathroom in the whole house! And you remember how the stupid water supply was always cut off on the eve??? Haiyo...... you would be very irritated cos "no water" (mo sui - meaning "no money"), particularly during CNY period was so pantang! LOL! After everyone had been able to get their shower done, most would gather round the TV munching on CNY snacks. And in my younger days, of cos the kids would be playing outside, with the 'Pop-Pop' and Moon Rockets and what-nots. And then I remember also, almost every year, Samsuk would read everyone's fortune guide. Well, but sadly though, as we all grew older, everyone seemed to hide in their own corners after the reunion dinner. Though Yee Suk, Suk Suk, Samsuk and Papa would sometimes sit outside, chit-chatting and catching up over beers. Ohhh, there's also the tong yuen that needed to be made by hand. When Ernie was around, this was his task to help you. After that, it was my Mama the Sous Chef who made this. I just didn't touch it cos when I did it, I would do stupid things like rolling out a worm shape or square or whatever shape and then I'd get into trouble and be shooed out of the kitchen! LOL!! 

Usually, the single men would go out partying with other friends who were also back in town (by partying, I meant they sat around in the open air and drank beer, talking-cock, singing-song, or they played mahjong or cards) and everyone else would retire to bed, except Ku Cher cos she could never finish cleaning for some reason and she would always be like "OMG it's almost 12am and I cannot clean anymore!!" But you and I, we would wait for the right hour to........ta-da!!! Welcome the God of Prosperity!!! For years, I've been the only one helping you out to prepare for the prayers for this ritual and for yearrrrsss I've been trying to remember what needed to be done and prepped and all. But I never got it right no matter what. I dunno was it because you kept changing the steps and arrangements (because you're forgetful 😝😝😝) or like you always scolded "you never pay attention and you don't put it in your heart!" I guess, every year, I simply relied on you for the instructions. Put here, put there, do this, do that. All your rules. Hahaha!  

On Day 1 of CNY, I would wake up, do whatever exercises that I do and have a shower before I greet anyone. It would always be NEW everything from top to bottom - new toothbrush, new undies, new towel, new top, new shorts, new slippers, new shoes.... ALL NEW. Do you remember how one year, during my rebellious years, I came out of the room in BLACK - like fully black? Hahahahahaha! Now I'm thinking about that and laughing my ass off. I'm sure you wanted to smack me so bad, but you held your tongue. Everyone did. I was that sensitive, teenage drama girl that year. Plus it was CNY so no scolding otherwise bad luck!! LOLOL!!! Anyway, when I started working, I thought this new, new, new thing wasn't very sustainable. That's why, I started keeping new clothes and I don't wear them - even those free triathlon or marathon T-shirts I get, I'd keep them. So I am able to use one every year to have "NEW" clothes for CNY. And that is also why I have a stash of new clothes all the way till 2030!!! Bet you're shaking your head now and saying "sei ting nga yee!" 😂😂😂 Anyway, you know what happened to last year's new clothes that I wore for CNY? Nothing happened to them! We were mostly in lockdown and couldn't go anywhere so my new clothes are still pretty new!! 

Anyway, Day 1 is also when I'm ready to receive my ang pows!!! Do you remember how I would scheme 2-3 extra ang pows off you? Well, I've been thinking about this - I think you just played along and entertained this ting nga yee of yours. Whatever it was, I got 3 ang pows from you every year - well, not every year. Only started when I thought you were starting to be a bit more forgetful than usual. We usually don't have guests on the first day. Just simple prayers at home and then ang pow time and a family brunch over your signature vegetarian dish - the Zai Choy - I had the privilege to learn how to cook this dish from you back in 2014 and still remember how to do it! There had only been 2 things I had direct masterclass with you to cook - Zung Zai and this Zai Choy. I never made a single Zung Zai in my life after our masterclass. I thought it was one helluva long-winded process to make!!! 😅😅😅.  Anyway, back to Day 1, it would pretty much be quite quiet. Back in the day, you guys would be playing mahjong and the kids (me, Ernie and cousins) would just be up to no good somewhere, somehow. Again, as we grew older, the sort of naughty fun just gave way to reading books, which you used to tell me - "haiya! why read book on the first day of CNY!" cos book means "shu" and literally translated means "to lose", and in more recent years, our attention had gone to YouTube and Facebooking instead of chit-chatting with one another. I know you've always found that strange. You'd always say "why is your face always stuck on that phone screen only?"

Anyway, we also usually don't have guests on Day 1. I read that Chinese families don't practise visiting on Day 1 because if the first guests who showed up at your home was not of "prosperous" vibes, it would spillover into the family. LOL!! All these superstitious. It'll be like oven hot in the house as well. Then recent years, we also escaped the heat by going to the malls in the city. Better the 1 hour drive than stewing in our own sweat!! Dinner was pretty much whoever wanted to eat, they just helped themselves to the rice and zai choy. Then once again, it'll be to each, their own time. Days like these were more fun as kids. Eat, sleep, play, on repeat! Best part was - no scolding because CNY period!! 😈😈😈

Then came Day 2 !!!! It was another round of the big preparation for the Hoi Nien feast!! The morning Hoi Nien prayers, before, it would be done by you. You were doing the prayers, you were doing the feast preparations, I dunno how you did it. But you did it. As you became immobile, Mama and I took over the prayers. And once again MasterChef Papa took over the kitchen with his sidekick Sous Chef - Mama. As usual, I would stay out of the way from the kitchen otherwise the first hoi nien would happen to me. I can still remember always being scolded with "Do you want me to hoi nien for you???!!!"  Day 2 was when scolding and smacking was allowed again! 😅😅😅  On Day 2, Ipoh Ku Cher would also come back with her family and that's when all 6 of us cousins would reunite annually. But what I would usually do also would be to arm-twist Yee Suk to get me my favourite Tanjung Tualang prawns. He'd always oblige no matter how difficult, he'd get them for me. Everyone says he's not reliable, but so far, all of my requests had always been met! He's just unpredictable to others, that's all. And then there was the lion dance troupe who somehow could never make it at the timing we wanted. It was just a big waiting game usually on Day 2 - wait for this person, wait for that person, wait for lion dance, wait for my prawns, and everyone would be agitated from the all the waiting - and yet, we do it year in, year out. That's called family, right? After lunch, another massive round of clean up, then it would be a flurry of activities. We'd have the usual family photos taken, then some would play mahjong, the younger kids would play cards, etc. I remembered the CNY of 2018, you and I were playing cards and somehow, I lost every round to you - I lost all the ang pows I schemed from you! Queen of Gamblers - how can I beat you! I even got off my seat and walked around the table three times and you said "No need to do all these silly things. Just lose all your money to me!!" 😆😆😆 We would also start having visitors on Day 2 - most of your side of the family would come, although don't ask me who they were - I would never be able to know which aunty was which aunty! 

Usually, most families would leave on Day 2....... some would leave on Day 3..... thus leaving just me, you and Ku Cher behind mostly. Oh, and Samsuk too cos he's the dude with the car 😁😁😁 The noise and festivities would have died down and I would welcome the peace and quiet of the kampung house and its surrounding. We would have our usual routine - me taking you for brekkie and then it's just quiet days. A few days for me to just write, read, spend time with you. I always annoyed you by sitting outside late at night. You'd always say "Thief will come catch you!" and I would always have some gangsta response to your threat. OMG, I was a real handful wasn't I?? 😇😇😇 Last year, I still stayed on after everyone had left. I did the same thing - exercised (cos how can I not let the neighbours comment on "that crazy girl who runs before sunrise!"), brekkie out in town and back to the house to read and write. Only difference was, last year, I didn't have to take you out for breakfast. 

This year though, I wouldn't get to do any of that. 😭😭😭
That's not all, I'll be missing all of that CNY snacks too - the kuih kapit, kai tan kuen, crabstick chips, lotus root chips, pineapple tarts. I won't even get my liver sausage. Boo....  oh well, I'll treat it as a diet then. But this sucks, Ah Por! 

It's not just me, many are affected too and have to celebrate apart. I had called Yee Suk. He is stranded in Sabah. Mama and Papa are in lockdown - yeah, stay at home jail time as the situation of the crazy virus in Malaysia is really very bad. Same goes for Samsuk, Suk Suk and all. I would try to call everyone just to keep that family ties going despite not being able to celebrate together. I know you would want that. You had been the glue that bound us together when you were present. I was hoping that everyone would remember that even after you're in heaven. But what to do right? This year, it's a global pandemic. I don't even know how to say the word pandemic in Chinese.  

Good thing is my husband is stuck here with me too. I don't think I would cook up a storm. We have dinner with some of our Chinese friends here who are also having to be away from family during this festive celebration. Not big, just the 4 of us - celebrating some sort of "reunion" I guess. I also managed to find some new t-shirts in my collection here - some are from 2016, but still new! Hahaha! And guess what? I even found new towels! I think Mama gave these to me in 2014! Too funny!! I have also prepared ang pows - it's good luck to give out ang pows, I know. So, it's a good thing. I shouldn't miss that! Oh oh oh! Did you know, that silly husband of mine told me - just use those cashless payment as ang pow. These days, we're all very high-tech. We no longer go to banks and we no longer pay with cash! I scolded him like hell. What nonsense! Where is the culture in that?? 🤦🤦🤦

Ah Por, hope you have a blast up there with Por Por, Kung Kung and Ah Kung. As far as I know, they don't play mahjong. So, hoping you've hooked up with some other mahjong kakis there. I know why I miss being with the family - I get to be spoilt rotten every time - I basically don't have to do any cooking, cleaning, well, ok minimal cleaning, and if I asked, I would get - be it Samsuk, Yee Suk or Ku Cher. Not to mention, Mama and Papa also fusses over me. As independent as I am, it still feels great to be doted upon like the big baby of the family. 

Missing you, and the family and the whole festivities. 

Till the next time, Ah Por. Don't you worry. Though it seems the world is continuing to go crazy and there seems to be a lot of stoopid people doing stoopid things around the world, I am well. I will continue to be a good person, eat well, work hard and be happy. But you guys in heaven please keep an eye on us too, ok? Protect us!! 

Your beloved Ting Nga Yee. 

Seriously. A Has Been?

I've still got my fire and fight! 

I'm a get straight to the point. I've always been and still is all about empowering the younger generation and I still believe that the world today belongs to them. I don't think there's two ways about it. 

So it all started when MOH and I had our first date night out in public after a hundred days (because you know, the whole Covid-19 shenanigan). During our conversation that lovely evening, as we were discussing our lives, he labeled the both of us "has beens". 😑😑😑 Say whaaaat?? For a couple of weeks, I let it stew, silently protesting the label he bestowed upon us. And then something happened at work (more on this later so better read on!) and my alarm bells went ding-ding-ding!! 

We were at the final week of the mysterious what-happened-to-2020, reflecting our deeds, purpose and next course of action when I finally approached MOH again and spoke to him about this "has been" label he tagged us with. I said I didn't agree that we were. I brought him back to our journey from "green-headed" fresh graduates to where we are today. "Don't you remember a time where we first started? The jail time we did? The School of Hard Knocks we attended?" I recalled one particular memory during my early agency days - there was an art director, long-haired, torn jeans, a chain smoker (as was most creative people back then), but let not his exterior demeanor fool you - he was a perfectionist. We had a photo shoot that day for a coffee brand (no names mentioned) for a print ad. Uncle C (I called him Uncle to annoy him 😂😂😂), spent over half a day blowing his cigarette smoke into a cup of black coffee, which by then was totally undrinkable, to get that perfect shot for our print ad. A million shots plus another 2 miserable hours later, he was scrutinizing the negatives with his left eye shut tight (to those youngsters who has no idea what the hell are negatives - remember we never had digital cams back then!) to select the best and only the best shot to be used in said print ad. It was through many, many years of going through arduous processes such as this that our generation learnt the value of quality. We knew that quality was our reputation and was what got us earning clients' money respectfully. Careless mistakes were a no-no. (I remember once I had the negative flipped and had a giant banner printed the other way round. OMFG, when the banner went up the building's walls, my pee nearly came out from fright!!) 

Anyway, MOH said he agreed that we knew the value of quality. But the speed in which things moved these days, unfortunately nobody has half a day to spend perfecting a freaking cup of coffee for a photo shoot. "Are you saying speed supersedes quality?" MOH said quality is still important but he brought home one point -  the traditional channels of TV, Print and Radio didn't go through dramatic changes in over 50 years. The Facebook, YouTube and etc gets an update every other freaking week! "Programmatics isn't new and has been around since the dotcom era. It hasn't even matured and something else has come along! Who has the time to perfect the science or the arts?" he said. I concurred. 

But I still refused to be labeled a "has been". MOH continued on and said everything the youngsters do these days were focused on MVPs, execution, execution and more execution because of the speed of things today. I get the whole speed issue. C'mon, when it comes to working fast, many youngsters in Myanmar still has a long way to catch up with me. Ask anyone. I dare ya to say that I work slow! Anyway, I continued arguing with him. "Our  has-been foundation which was built on rock-solid knowledge and process of strategic thinking surely should count for something???" Apparently yes, thank blady God. So we continued our discussion and we did agree on the fact that working for younger leadership teams would do us better. We felt that the youngsters are less afraid of failure because they have all the time in the world to keep failing. Which means, they are more likely to take risks, to jump higher, to go further, and most importantly - to innovate harder. We can learn from them the disruptive trends of today and they can learn from our experiences and strategic foundations. This synergy can create magic. I then recalled a time where a well-known 80-year-old marketer came to do a seminar and I fell asleep 😅😅😅 (just imagine, I aced the marketing subject of his textbook!). I would rather sit for a session listening to an up-and-coming start-up dynamo kid because, what did I say earlier? The world belongs to these kids! 

Throughout our careers, I believe our generation had been fluid and agile, taking in Bruce Lee's advise : "Be like water" and we've adapted and changed and kept ourselves relevant with the trends in marketing. From 4Ps to 5Ps to the dotcom boom, to the social media explosion, to omni channel, to CX-obsessed and the list goes on. How can he say we are "has beens" ??? We had a strong solid foundation and that helped us keep building ourselves on top of it. How can we be has beens??? 

I was obviously relentless in protesting the label. The discussion continued.  

I brought in examples of when we were needed to explain with our dying breath (sense the sarcasm) to C-levels we worked with on why we shouldn't be spamming people on social media (posting as and when you like is not strategic content scheduling!!), why we need to spend time to adhere to brand guidelines, why we need to be more targeted with our digital media buys (because it's NOT THE SAME as media placements on print or TV!!! 🤦🤦🤦) and this list can go on too. And so I said, "If I am a has been, these folks must be relics!!" (and I can't stand those who keep shoving their status in my face and the fact that I need to respect that status) And he nailed home his point further - so imagine, at our age, if you kept working with them for another 5yrs - where would you be? This caught me off-guard. I was speechless. MOH looked at me winningly. "You ever thought about that?"  Truth was, no, I didn't. My gawd, food for thought indeed 🤔🤔🤔

Something happened at work a couple weeks back that set off alarm bells for me. It had to do with this whole fancy term of "agile" that seemed to be on everyone's lips these days. I'm like please, I've been teaching the 'agile vs waterfall process' in my digital class since 2017. It's just another fancy term for Project Management. Anyway, as per usual, I've had to use my dying breath to explain and explain and get my point through. But this time I literally just ... lost my breath. I died. I didn't care. I told the team I was working with - they could throw my PPT file out the window and it was fine by me. And I actually meant it. I had no feeling whatsoever! I didn't wanna lead and I told the team to just let me know what support would be needed. I could see a million things going wrong but my 'dying breath' literally emptied out so I didn't even bother pointing these out. To those who know me will know that my dying breath never runs out. If I knew something was right I would fight and bulldoze through, no matter what the consequences were and no matter who I was facing. I am emotional at work and coupled with my passion, I'm fiery! When I adopted that "tidak apa" attitude (in Malay it means "whatever") the alarm bells went off. Especially so close in timing after being labeled a "has been" 😖😖😖

You see, for me, I think a "has been" is someone who has lost the fire and the fight. I still have passion in the work that I do. I still love every minute of seeing the planning come to live. While I believe very much in empowering the young people, bringing them to the forefront in leadership positions while I take a backseat, I haven't lost my fire nor my fight! I don't want to lose that indeed. Then I'll really be a "has been" !  

MOH as per usual, kept things in perspective for me. He said, "You can choose to use all of that fire and fight to burn a small hole in the field. OR you can choose to use that same fire and fight to set the damn field ablaze." He said he has reflected upon this and admits that he was tired of burning that small hole. 

Which brought to mind something Jack Ma said in an interview before : 

"When you're 40-50 years old, you have to do all the things you are already good at. Don't try to jump into a new area, it's too late. You may be successful but the rate of dying is too high (Me : 😂😂😂 ) So, at 40-50 years old, think about - How can I focus on things that I am good at?"

"When you are 50-60 years old, work to support young people, because young people can do better than you. Rely on them, invest in them. Make sure they're good to go." 

Well Jack, my friend, thank you. Though, I kinda jumped the gun a bit and have already done the making sure the young people are good to go. But I'm pretty sure that's ok. 😁😁😁 

We're both not "has beens" c'mon. We were not people who refused to change our mindsets. We were not people with humongous egos that listening to young people or letting them give directions were beneath us. We were not people who had a chip on our shoulders and clung on to some status or titles. FINALLLLYYYYY..... MOH relented and admitted that he could've used the wrong label, though sounded more like he didn't want me to go on and on about it. I wanted to slap him! 🙄🙄🙄 

So 2021...... I'm a get in with my tanks, machine guns and grenades and I'm a set the damn field ablaze. Who's with me? 😈😈😈

2020..... Who Would've Ever Guessed?

What's in store for 2021? 

It's almost the end of 2020 and I'm sure the feels is for 2020 to be over ASAP. Some may have been impacted badly by the Covid-19 pandemic where as others may have had the opportunity to ride atop the waves of challenges. As for MOH (My Other Half) and I, we're.... ok.

For me, work and fitness training has continued to take up 70% of my time. There are a few new "new normal" projects that I've found myself being involved in and that's keeping me busy - which is a good game plan so that I don't leave an idle mind worrying about Mama & Papa back home too much.

I've also resumed my Digital Strategy classes with Strategy First University via Zoom. Look, as much as I like the concept of physical distancing... I realize one of the hardest thing I've had to do is to teach over Zoom. Somehow the interaction and engagement just isn't the same. And obviously being able to physically slap my students as opposed to threatening to slap them virtually is very different 😑😑😑 MOH calls it my "weekly shouting session" and I'm pretty sure the neighbours are all aware of me by now. I'm trying my best, finding ways to make it worth everyone's while to sit through a class with me. But over the years, I've also realized one thing about the students here in Myanmar. They DO want to learn. However it seems to be more important for them to have the discipline to sit through 22 weeks of lessons than to try harder to understand the concepts of the lessons. By quietly and diligently sitting thru, they create no trouble and at the end of the 22 weeks, they get to include a certificate of completion into their CV. I'm sorry, that doesn't work for my classes. One of the format changes that I've made is to send over pre-reading materials. I know English is not their first language and as such my notes are always void of any big jargon wherever possible. Even when I give them the notes one week ahead, they still come back saying they do not understand the notes. Worse - some simply do a quick glance through the notes. During physical classes, they claimed they are unable to remember the lessons as I do not provide lecture handouts. But when I provide notes, they don't really use them. I think everyone knows this is a very familiar Myanmar situation and I liken it to the authorities' statements pertaining Covid-19 : "Can restaurants open? Yes." In the very next paragraph : "Do restaurants have to remain close? Yes". This is Myanmar. Yes, you say. No, also you say. Literally do and say as u like 😭😭😭 I told the current class though - if English was their excuse, they have basically closed the door to a whole world of learning out there. In any case, I won't stop trying. Though if any teachers out there can give me some pointers, I'd appreciate it alot!!!

I've also started taking on some other consultation and coaching projects for new teams and new brands. I've my calendar lined-up for sure! I'm spending the remainder of my time upgrading my skills. I'm at the point of my career where I want to be even more specialized. I love writing and while I know I'm a very creative and imaginative fiction writer, my business digital writing should level up. As such, I have taken to learning about strategic SEO writing. I've also began to look at Diversity & Inclusion Marketing, although I do think Myanmar just will not have much opportunities for me in these areas. But oh well, learning never go to waste. BTW,  it's amazing how much time you save from sitting thru traffic really. On another note, I had managed to obtain online, my Diploma in Social Psychology and a Diploma in Sports Nutrition within 2020. There is a Conservation Marketing course that I am eyeing, but this is a little intensive so I'm having another thought about it.

As for MOH, some may already know, he's been jobless since October. Yup, he resigned from his company. Initially, I was quite upset about how it all happened. (choi nia wui, ngai mm moi korng arn tor. Mm tet korng. Good luck deciphering that! LOL!) But on hindsight, it was a really good decision. Let's put it this way, he was very ambitious and very much passionate about the financial industry. So I gave him my full support. But in the 6-7 months or so that he was in that organization, I truly felt he was another person. We hardly spoke, he had his face glued to the computer or his phone the whole time. He was doing 12-hour days, even on most weekends. I'm ok with all of that. But then, I had to endure landmines!!! Never know things that might make him snap at me! So much so I've taken to checking with some of my students who worked with him on "What's the colour code for the day??" If it was red or amber it meant that I should be on my best behaviour. Towards the final month was the worse. Even if I sometimes touched his tushie (which I had every right to 😝😝😝) he'd snap!! And because we were WFH, I've been hearing shouting from his ironman office even with the door closed!! In all our 20+ yrs of knowing each other, I've never ever heard him shout. I'm sure those who have worked with him before would know he never shouts! Some days, even way past dinner time, I would hear the really "loud" meetings, and I just felt sorry for him, especially when the meetings were about explaining why social media boosting was necessary. As a marketing person myself, I can totally empathize with that. How many times have I had to explain 1001 reasons on why we should be on social media. 😒😒😒

Anyway, the day after he resigned, literally, even his aura changed colour! Even some people were commenting on my social media and saying he looked so much better these days. What's the secret? Well, the secret is dropping a toxic job I guess. Sometimes, despite the willpower and tenacity, if it just doesn't work, it doesn't work and surely, at this stage of our lives, it isn't worth it to lose yourself trying to turn stones into diamonds.

There are things that people may not understand about us. While we may have extremely different approaches at work - for one, he's the calm and patient guy (the recent shouting bout aside! LOL!) whereas I am the crazy firecracker and secondly, without a doubt, his strategic acumen is very sharp whereas I am much better at communications. (I'd like to say I am waaaayyy better! LOL!) But in terms of other work ethics and attitudes, we are like peas in a pod. We don't believe in politicking. We've gone through our fair share of it early in our careers, gone through the School of Hard Knocks working our asses off and learning the trade deeply. Work politics and power struggles hinder progress and productivity. In the last 8 years, I've had it a little easier as a consultant. I have a choice to stay out of any politicking that goes on in the workplace. I sometimes don't even understand why that needs to exist. MOH though, (the non-emotional one) would just say that everyone has their own style and personality at work. Everyone is different. I'll say! 

Also, at this stage in our careers, we no longer prioritize the status or the titles assigned to us. Director, Consultant, Manager, Executive - these are at the end of the day, just titles. In fact, when I fill in forms these days, I sometimes put my job as "Housewife" (when I was younger, I had a lot of issues with this. But now that I am more sure of myself, ok, so I am a housewife sometimes! Though not a very good one LOL!) What matters for us is to be involved or working on projects that carries positive impact, that makes a difference. I'm not just talking about CSR-type stuff. We want to be part of the waves of change. We want to do work that when we look back 10yrs from now, we would beam proudly and reminisce the struggles and hard work we put in to make that happen. We want to be able to laugh with joy when we regale our stories. Of cos, being paid due remuneration is a plus point. Ever since we moved out of Malaysia over 10 years ago, we've always made a promise that because we are seeking our fortunes in other people's land, we must give back to the local communities, transfer our knowledge and build capacity wherever we can. This is something that we have never failed to do no matter what. The number of people and teams we have coached, mentored, built up and empowered here in Myanmar over the last 8yrs would definitely be a "beam-with-pride" tale we look back upon in our older days.

Well, so then, what's next? MOH, he tells me his retirement came early. To be exact, 3yrs earlier. LOL! We had imagined retiring in 2023 and going off to do voluntary work in godforsaken places and trimming down on our material things a la tiny-house-living. We even drew a floor plan of our tiny house! LOL! The positive thing to look at this is that, unlike the last time where he was jobless, and my company in Cambodia was neck-high in debts, this time around, we're both debt-free. Sometimes, I feel the best productivity comes from people who work not because they need to pay off their loans or debts because they have less hang ups and are hungrier for end-results instead of being worried about losing their jobs. Then of cos, on the other end of the extreme are those who have gone all in and they've got everything to lose and therefore they'd fight to make it count - exactly what I did a million years ago when I started my own business! Anyway, we had a discussion about this situation obviously. I told him, it's not to say we've never been down-and-out before. We've already been there and done that.  We've never led an extravagant lifestyle and we're still pretty much simple and down-to-earth people. (Look at my wardrobe and you'll know! LOL!) I told MOH if we can't afford pistachios, I can switch to peanuts. If can't afford peanuts, I can switch to eggs. If can't afford eggs, I can switch to white bread. Then I told him, but I have an income and so I can eat pistachios. He can eat peanuts! LOLOL! Jokes aside, whilst being jobless during these times isn't ideal, we're grateful that there are no loans or debts that requires payment. Oh, oh, oh and no kids that we need to send to university or college! 🙏🙏🙏We've struggled and worked hard for so long, we're at the next stage of our lives, and for that, I'm really, really thankful. 

So, MOH is also using his available time to do some consultation work, as well as coaching and mentoring. He's also now like a sponge - absorbing and upgrading his skills and knowledge through learning and reading and is often forwarding things for me to upgrade my knowledge too. So then, his status is now "not single, but available" - if anyone's interested! LOLOL! 

One project that I am recently working on, well, not working on but coaching and mentoring, is for the #fitfam girls. We've been reading too many tales of people impacted by Covid-19 and so I recommended that the girls do up a plan to help the garment factory workers impacted by Covid-19 and turning to sex work as a means to survive. We all should always think of pitching our strengths together to help others. I believe in this strongly. And I've been coaching these girls for free all these while - or so they think.... hahahaha... nothings comes for free ya. So, I feel, it is now their turn to give back to the community and their country and their own people. I guess once the project hits the launch, there will be stories to share so stay tuned for this one! Covid-19 has been harsh economically for a lot of people. MOH and I have continued our monthly contribution to those in need by way of supporting local SMEs - such as SoyAi. Even back in our worse time period financially, we never stopped volunteering or sharing what we have. It is a gift to be able to share and to be able to help. Sometimes, I feel sorry too for the local street vendors whose daily income have been impacted but when I want to support them, I am taken aback by the hygiene levels. I'm just thinking if there are any associations or groups that could do an educational programme with them on hygiene or perhaps there are people who've already done so. Hopefully, things can improve for them. There are many individuals and groups doing really good things in Myanmar for the people and it is hopeful to see that humanity lives amongst us. 

Many friends have also set and attained, or halfway through attaining personal goals during these pandemic times. Congratulations for those who have done so. Those who are struggling somehow, keep fighting. And if you need some ass-kicking, reach out to me or MOH or someone you trust. Remember, everyone has their own struggles and it is ok to seek help. 

So, what's in store for 2021? We've both been here long enough for our work and our contribution to the local communities speak for itself. Some of whom I've literally watched transform from ugly ducklings into flying eagles while some are still unsure of their footing. I've had the privilege of sharing my SoyAi journey recently with the Asia Philanthropy Circle and I realized - WOW, that was an amazing journey with such a positive outcome! (a "beam-with-pride" moment although while going through it, I really wanted to hang myself on a daily basis!) We may not know what 2021 holds for us but we are going to stride forward with as much grace, positivity and tenacity as possible (except in February of 2021, cos that's CNY and it looks almost likely that I will not be able to travel home for CNY so I'm gonna be in depression mode - hardly any "grace" to it!!!)  If there's an opportunity that takes us away from Myanmar then so be it. If not, we will continue our work and contribution here to the communities and the people. The one thing that I have learnt during 2020 is that plans can go shit at any moment. Try not to put off things wherever possible and always be adapting and adjusting. Most importantly, always be grateful and thankful for what we have and because we are privileged to have, let's lend our hands to those who do not have. 

To 2020, it's been fiendishly complex. But hello 2021! 

Here We Go Again..... Covid-19 Myanmar

Family Zoom Time - Our Norm Now 

So.... just as we re-adapted back to life supposedly post-Covid and believed that Myanmar was truly blessed to have scraped through almost unscathed then BOOM - it hits you square centre. As we speak right now, still hitting away with the latest figures as of 15.09.2020 8am at 3,299 with 32 deaths. That's a huge jump in just a short 3 weeks from 300+ cases to now 3000+. 

Work-wise, we had even gone back to full time office days and working on business recovery plans. We've gone back to swimming (and getting my tan on finally!!) We've gone back to dining in restaurants and meeting with friends occasionally. And then BOOM! Out of nowhere, we've had to re-adapt again. 

If ever anything were to go down in history for me - 2020 would be the year where I've had to change, adapt, re-adapt and repeat many, many times. To those who know me well, would know that I'm a stickler for routines. I have planned menus worked out for everyday of the week. I have planned attires worked out for everyday of the week. I have very fixed timing and schedules for everything that I do. So, yeah, the one thing I learnt is my ability to adapt amidst the uncertainties. And damn, do I hate uncertainties. 

I was at least pretty smart about it the last time. I did not fully moved back to gym training, choosing to still continue half the week with workouts from home and another half the week at the gym where I can get my pool time. So, having to move back to full home training hasn't been as bad. We've both still got our home offices in order (I have my normal work table as I am used to WFH, Covid or no Covid but MOH gets the ironing board as his office table because well, the "Ironman" surely deserves a kick-ass ironing board to work on! 😂😂😂) 

So, I would say, this time around, it hasn't been that bad re-adjusting. I really just do the adapting as fast as possible to minimize the disruption. Cos in the times of such uncertainties, the more I feel the need to have somethings within my control - like my routine and schedules. Yes, I am strange this way. 

Disruption aside, this time around, the coronavirus seems to be hitting Myanmar a little hard with almost a daily 3-digit case numbers reported. And also this time, we've had cases at work, so it's been a field day for communications! It is all pretty unnerving, yet we know the show must go on. One of the most unnerving for me was prepping the 'in case of death' communications. Because this time around, it is really coming for us 😖😖😖 (The last round, we've actually pretty much breezed through with no reported cases within both our organizations!)

We are both bracing ourselves for more of the mayhem unfolding around us in Myanmar. With the sudden BOOM hitting us from all sides, the authorities seem to have very little control over the situation as well. It seemed to be that different townships having different regulations and SOPs surrounding the so-called "lockdown" and quarantine processes and this even sparked a social media meme of township flags as a mockery of each township being its own country with its own laws. So, we are from the Union of Bahan. There's United States of Ahlone, Yakinia, and so on, so forth. Well, at least there's humour in the mayhem. Some townships have decided to lock people in and out of streets, curbing movements and even delivery. I saw a video where even an ambulance could not gain entry into the "lockdowned" street. What is that all about?? Been also reading and hearing tales of those who've been herded to quarantine centers and no proper admittance procedures and the long waiting hours only to be told that there's no space and they've gotta re-wait all over again at another possible centre. Patients are boarding these ambulances whose driver has no idea where to take them to exactly. Speaking of ambulances, they do make a grand show and tell of it - when they line up like 5 - 8 ambulances in a row when they go to collect a positive or suspected patient - with sirens blaring. The sound of the sirens are in itself unnerving! I'm not sure if any other country does that. Do they?

With the elections coming up, the campaigning has started and this is driving supporters out in droves by the thousands, donning colours of their parties. But it begs me to question - how is that safe in "flattening the curve" ?? (The first time round, there was no curve to be flattened except that of my carb-loaded tummy). Some are not even wearing masks! I urge the political leaders to seriously reconsider this. But then again, who am I to do so. Don't got a voice in Malaysia. Definitely don't got a voice here in Myanmar 😝😝😝 And also - I thought the regulation was no gathering of more than 5 people??? This is exactly what I mean by the advisories are all very vague and contradicting here. Enigmatic surely. But then again - look at Trump 🤦🤦🤦

It is what it is here and the best we could do is stay safe, stay home, and check-in on our friends, families as much as possible. I'm on the edge sometimes. We know the hospitals and the frontline healthcare heroes here are all overwhelmed working in a largely under-supported environment. As the death toll rises, these heroes have been scrambling to help patients. Sometimes, I don't even want to know about these news cos it really sets me on the edge. A student of mine felt dizzy and I was like "OMG, that's a Covid-19 symptom!!" and I nagged her to take action on it. And when I cough, I be like "WTF - do I have Covid-19???? Can I still smell MOH's farts?? Ok can. I'm ok! I'm ok!" Alright, so I'm not on the edge just sometimes. All the time. LOL! And I darn it dislike going to do my grocery shopping and some idiot decides not to social distance. When social distancing was introduced first time around, seemed I was a little "over-sensitive" for demanding my space when Myanmar was like "blessed to be Covid-free". But this time around - I would glare at the person like they're some kind of unwanted fungus and if they don't get my glare, I will raise my voice. So those who see me at the grocery aisles - JUST AVOID ME. People spitting on the roads have gotten their fair share of shouting from me too. The next move I would make is that I will whip out my phone and video people who spit (or at least pretend to be video-ing them) Anddddddd this is why I take up MMA training. Just in case they retaliate 😁😁😁  

The only that that really suck is another long-drawn out wait to go home to see my family. Before, it was like - Yay! We're on the road to recovery. Give it 6 more months and we can go home! Ad now, BOOM. F**k. Was having this discussion with a friend the other day - the longer the uncertainty and the longer this draws out, the greater the pull to just drop everything and go home. A Malaysian colleague of mine recently lost his father and I cannot imagine the turmoil! Not being able to fly home on the first flight out to be with family during the times of loss! It gave me anxiety attacks for several nights after I heard the news. My Mama and Papa are like "Nothing doing! No coming back for 2 years! We're absolutely fine and taking really good care of ourselves! Why worry???!" My Papa - he even pranks me and annoys me over WhatsApp all the time, tryna give me heart attacks. What do I do with these 2 old folks? #SMH

I believe human beings are very resilient creatures. And one day, we will definitely celebrate over champagne physically and speak about this historical moment where we were all apart together. I would like to try to keep a positive frame of mind and find the humour in all of these - just as my parents have. I would like to count my blessings that my lockdown includes a bed, a roof, proper working tables and a well-stocked pantry (of a very rigidly planned daily menu LOLOL!!). There are those who are worse off than us and as I have always said before - if we can - help one another out, support each other and be kind to one another. My Mobile Soup Movement is still on-going and every month, plenty of volunteers are taking up these care packages and helping to deploy these to the vulnerable communities. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the distribution. 

And lastly - whilst I've introduced alcohol every Friday nights, I'm still gonna live my life fit and eat healthy. If I'm gonna go out when the world ends, I wanna make sure I go out looking good 😂😂😂 

 

Our 11th Year... Amidst A Global Pandemic

2008 vs 2020

 And the year just flew by as usual. I was actually trying to recall if I actually wrote a blog every year for our wedding anniversary and I even managed to convince myself that I didn’t. I wrote one for my work anniversary. Then I checked my cobweb-filled blog (to be honest, 2020 hasn’t been such a cobwebby year for my blog!) and found that I actually DO write an anniversary post every year! So here it is then. 

The time did fly by for us as a couple too and from our 10^th year to the 11^th year… what changed? Nothing much really. We’ve both got new roles / jobs for work. And oh, have I not already mentioned we’re in the middle of a historical pandemic? We’ve been cut-off from seeing our families but the consolation and blessing here is that we have each other to rely on. 

As the world is going crazy around us, so too has the workload and we have come to an even deeper understanding that our time off from the world is pretty sacred. The weekends are like our “cave time”. We try our utmost best to understand each other and live with each other. I guess the one thing that is most important for us is we want peace and peace of mind. Our “cave” is to be filled only with laughter. Oh, yes, and love. Lots of love. On days where it is annoyingly boring, we annoy each other. We've just grown to annoy each other as much as possible. Me more than him 😈 😈 😈 

There is this uniquely synchronized understanding that we have, I believe. We seldom talk to “iron” things out cos there doesn’t seem to be anything to iron out (except his own clothes LMAO!!) It’s like a very seamless and effortless understanding, an almost automatic characteristic to our relationship. Are we THAT boring? LOL. 

I have been grieving for the longest time and still is, for my beloved Ah Por. My husband, a man of few words, (because he doesn’t know the right words to say and would prefer not to say it for fear of repercussions LOL), just understands me, and my “strange behaviours” and he gives me my space and takes care of me in his own ways. It may not be about tenderness or sweetness, but it’s just his way of taking care of me. I wrote about this just last week - there was one time, he accidentally triggered open the floodgates while we were right in the middle of grocery shopping. He said my poor Stinky is torn and if it doesn’t get fixed, would need to be thrown out soon. I think that’s when he realized Stinky was an absolutely sensitive subject and not to be made fun of because Ah Por made Stinky for me! The very next day, he sewed Stinky up for me and even wrapped him with additional layers to keep him protected. That’s what I meant by it’s not about the sweet-nothings. It’s doing things that matters. 

I’ve been packing a TLC lunch pack for him to take to work every day too ever since the pandemic started. I get up earlier than usual to get this prepped up and ready to go. I wonder if I will finally get my “Wife Of The Year” Award soon. 😏 😏 😏 Well, the honest truth is, I don’t mind doing it. I don’t exactly enjoy it (you know me, #HousewifeFail ) but I don’t mind it. And he doesn’t say it – but I know he appreciates it. Anyway, if he complains, I’d stuff it all up his ass 🤣 🤣 🤣 In general, I guess, we always choose a path where we aren’t fighting with each other. At times like these, why fight with each other? We should be uniting so that we can combat it all. I guess that it also why we have an automatic understanding - it makes no sense to fight each other. It makes more sense to stand united to fight the battles that we each go through daily, be it at work or personally. 

A friend of mine recently sent us a photo of us doing the Shape Run back in 2008. This was before we even got married. I guess fit then, fit now 😊😊😊I’m putting the pix with us side-by side to look at our difference after 12 years. I’d like to think we look as young as we were before. But our mentalities and especially our bodies sometimes sure as hell don’t feel it. The term “grow old with you” comes to my mind. In terms of mentality, I guess, there is a certain maturity to where we are right now as well. Like I said - we don't sweat the small stuff. We don't nag, we don't complain endlessly. 

I really do think we are a pretty boring couple. Honestly. We do our fit training, we work, we clean the house, we spend quiet time in our cave and that’s about it. On weekends, we do the usual grocery shopping and food stops and then we climb back into our cave. At home, we have our sanctuary time, we don’t even need to talk to each other. We have a once-a-week unload session on Friday date nights where we just bitch about stuff. Other than that, we just do our thing. I cook, he washes. I sweep, he mops. I spank his tushie, he tries to remove my pants. LOLOL! No need to talk. LOL!! The DBW told me in my recent lunch with her : “You and Richard are really a perfect match!” I guess, in a way, I’m glad we are. Can you imagine I want to stay home and he wants to party all the time? It’ll be a nightmare! LOLOL!!! 

These are up on my FB and IG already but I’d like to post these on my blog too, to commemorate our 11^th year together. A long time agency friend of mine kindly drew these out for me as a gift. Well, I owe Lam Chop a longyi. I have been an avid follower of his comics and very thankful that he had agreed to help do this. (His other comics can be found here!!) 



 
 
   
   
  

So, I asked for these comics done for this year's anniversary cos they hilariously sum up, well, at least on my part, how I see our relationship, from my eyes and my point-of-view. Maybe MOH could share his POV soon? Since we do have a 3^rd September (Civil Registration), 5^th September (Kampung Wedding) and 12^th September (KL Wedding) more to celebrate 😊😊😊 Every year, we have the same conversation - where are all my presents? Should be 5 in total, including my birthday and he would say it's all-in-one-present. And that present is him. Then he gets a slap and I would threaten to lock him out of the house. Every year. Told you we are super boring people. LOL! 

To my best friend, my soulmate, my training partner, my partner-in-farts...... cheers to 11 years of marriage (and 12 years legal!!!) and I'm just blessed and thankful that we have #MeAndYouJustUsTwo
😍😍😍

Another Letter To Heaven

 

Dearest Ah Por, 

It’s been a year since you left us. And here I am, finally plucking up the courage to have my first conversation with you. It’s been tough for me to overcome my grief. I get triggered and it opens up the floodgates and it’s not something I like doing. I thought as the time passed by, it’ll get better. It doesn’t actually. I just keep finding ways to cope with it. I know me so well. Anyway, I’ve put this off long enough so here I am.

You know, I really had to psyche myself up to put all I want to tell you in words. And now I am already choking back my tears. I know what you will say. You will say “Lei sor ka? No need to cry! Sei ting nga yee!” LOL. Over the last one year, I keep having flashbacks of the final week I spent with you at the hospital. The pain you went through and the helplessness I felt. What I do is more often than not, I push those images away and shift my mind to something else. But occasionally, I succumb because I am only human. I wish you were actually here to comfort me and tell me that week is long gone and everything is better now. The one thing that I cannot withstand is really that night when you asked me for a cup of your favourite tea and because you were on tube-feeding, you can’t have tea and you told me “I can’t even have a cup of tea?” That killed me you know. But I also remembered that there was a morning where you were a bit more alert and you told me that I looked so pretty. I am always pretty, isn’t it? 😊

Ah Por, the world has gone crazy after you left. There’s this virus going around. I had been cracking my head thinking – wow, if you were still around, how do I explain this strange situation to you. We are at a time now where touching and hugging causes harm. You remember how you used to shoo me away from you if you were feeling a little ill cos you were afraid you might pass your germs to me? Well, this is kinda like that. We have to be 6ft (I don’t even know what is 6ft in Chinese!!) apart from each other and stuff. Yes, the world is ‘chee seen’ now. In a way, I am so glad you and Ah Kung, Por Por and Kung Kung are all not here to experience this craziness. I even initially thought the world was coming to an end! LOLOL! The airports here in Myanmar and in Malaysia are closed so I haven’t been able to fly home to see Mama and Papa. I feel so trapped actually. The worse thing right now is to be away from family. But what can we do? Right now, the strange situation is such that if I went home, I run the risk of spreading this virus to Mama and Papa. Yes, yes, I pray every night for them to be safe and sound. That’s my only prayer these days.

Because of this situation, and with nowhere to go also, the workload has piled up so I focus a lot on my work. Of course there are unpleasant people who say unpleasant things. I know too what you will say : “Why you care what other people say? You just do your job. And you know something Ah Por? Recently, one of these bad people had a really bad outcome happen to them. And I realized what you said before was so on point. That we don’t need to bother what others say or do. They will all one day come to be exposed. At first, I thought when I heard the news about that bad person, I would be happy. I wasn’t. In fact, I didn’t feel anything. But the first thing that came to my mind was your precious words. And literally I felt – we must always be a good person otherwise, we will get our karma somehow. And you also always told me : Don’t steal. Don’t cheat. Don’t be lazy.” Never all of my life, Ah Por. I am lazy only when it comes to household chores. LOLOL!!! But you know something???? Even this laziness has gone!!! Hah! Can you believe it? Can you see me from heaven everyday cleaning and cleaning and cleaning the house? I swear to God my house is as sanitized as the ICU at the hospital !!! I’ve never been so obsessed about cleaning before! ANDDDDDDD you know what else???? I even pack home-cooked breakfast and lunch for my husband to take to work ok!!! Hah! You cannot say I am lazy as a wife again. Good thing is my husband is not so fussy with food. He eats whatever I pack for him. Because I told him if he doesn’t eat, I will stuff it all up his ass and he can cook his own meals! Hahahahahahahahahha!! Oh well, Ah Por, I am still the same ‘samseng’ you love. 😊 Well, he does help me to clean the house. But just that he doesn’t clean it the way I want it to be cleaned. Last time Mama and Papa used to scold me and pull my ears to say I sweep and mop as if I am writing Chinese calligraphy on the floor. Well, wait till they see my husband sweep and mop !! But nevermind, as long as he is helping, I will shut up.

I know even back then you were always worried about our relationship cos I was always coming home to see you. Don’t worry Ah Por. We’re really good. And in a week’s time, we will be celebrating our 11^th year as a married couple! It’s a long time to be married! Last year, we didn’t celebrate anything. Not even my birthday at the end of August. This year I kinda feel the same. Cos your passing fell right very close to these 2 dates. August used to be my fave month. I can kinda hear you. You told me before, (again, not before you scolded me with “sei choon”) …. That I shouldn’t worry or bother too much about the old and celebrate life and do what young people do. Well, let’s see about the celebrating this year, Ah Por. For me, I just really wanna go home. ☹

Nope, still no kids. I know last time, you always wished I had kids because they will keep me busy. That by starting my own family, I would be more focused that way. Well…….. I dunno whatever you or whoever say, I am so thankful I made the decision not to have kids! Yes, now I will finally tell you the truth – it was a choice to not have kids. Although I think you already knew that cos you are too smart. Remember all those times you kept asking me to go see a doctor on why I couldn’t have kids and I used to say that it was my husband’s problem that we couldn’t have kids? Yup, just threw him under the bus all those times! Hahahahahha! Thinking back, those times were quite funny. LOLOL! Anyway, I wouldn’t have made a good Mom. My husband said I would be such a ‘samseng’ Mom. I would be shouting at the restaurant to my kid “You better eat or else I will stuff it all up your ass!!” Hahahahahahahahahhahaha! So, he’s quite thankful that we made this decision not to have kids. Hahahahaahhaahhahaa!!

Ernie’s two kids are growing up very well. You would know that they are both super smart and adorable. Right now, they have no school – as I mentioned, it is because of the strange virus situation. In fact, over in Australia, they are being lockdowned again. I don’t know how to explain this to you. If you were right here, I would tell you – they are in home jail. They can’t go anywhere except to buy food. Yeah, that is the situation of the world now in most countries. Except Myanmar though. For some reason, the virus is not so crazy here so mostly, everything is as per normal in Myanmar. In Malaysia too it just recently got normal with some rules and guidelines. Before that, Mama and Papa were also in home-jail. We keep in touch, all of us on video call every week. So the two old folks get to see their grandkids on video calls every week. It is hard to get the two boys to sit down and focus on chatting. LOL. You remember video calls? I used to have this sessions with you too, except that your hearing was quite bad. Anyway, everyone is very well. For me too, though I miss Mama and Papa so so so much, I am also happy to see that they are doing well being home-jailed and keeping themselves entertained with cooking and home improvement stuff.

You know we all even learnt to cut hair during this period! Hah! Can you imagine?? So Mama cuts Papa’s hair. Well, she cuts her own hair too. Since shops are closed and not advised to have close-contact due to the virus again. I cut my husband’s hair and my husband cut my hair! Except that my husband is like the worse person to cut hair for. He would be holding the mirror and checking every single second and he would aji-ajor a lot ! Until I also want to just take the scissors and cut everything off simply-simply! LOLOL! We are all also cooking a lot at home. Ernie is a really great chef actually and he makes fantastic dishes for his wife and kids. Mama had been giving us some of her popular recipes to try as well. But you know, I am still a little lazy when it comes to elaborate cooking. They said if they got home-jailed together with me, they might die of starvation because I will only cook the same food every day! LOLOLOLOL!!! No actually, I have different food every day. Just that every week – it is the same menu. Monday = chicken. Tuesday = salad (recently I have been addicted to snow fungus and I make this into salad). Wednesday = Soup. Thursday = Tofu & Vege. Friday = no cooking. Saturday = Chicken. Sunday = Chicken. Hahahahahahaha!! Because this is very easy to manage and don’t have to think so much. I am so smart. And yes, yes….. I serve everything in the same pot that I cook with cos less dishes to wash after that. I am also very smart like that. LOLOLOL!!! I can hear you saying “That is not called smart. That is called lazyyyy!” LOL!! I still remember the time you taught me how to cook your famous vegetarian dish. I think I can still remember how to cook it. I just can’t find “nam yu” in Myanmar. I even remember that day when I had the “cooking lesson” with you. You scolded me a lot. And I was also busy trying to take photos of the process. So you said “Haiya!!! You are actually cooking or taking photos???” LOLOLOL !!! Recently, I have been quite obsessed watching this YouTuber girl who creates contents of her life in rural China with her grandmother. She can cook, do farming, do carpentry work and all that while she takes care of her grandmother. The village is also very pretty. Well, I wished I had that life too. But I think – if I lived with you like that, and if you were still able, you would be the one taking care of me instead. I can’t even carry the water from the well. LOLOLOL!! Don’t talk about me farming. All vegetables will die. LOLOLOLOL ! You also know right?

Ah Por, I have continued to live my life well. Eat well, work hard, be a good person. Never stopped at all. I think this three gem of an advise you gave is so simple but so meaningful. Eat well because health is important. Work hard because nothing good ever comes to those who are lazy. And be a good person because a good person is a lot richer in many ways and not necessarily with money. Though I think you won’t like to hear it – I have lost some weight. I am not sure why. Maybe because of the world going crazy so sometimes I am also a little anxious and worried. Although I do eat well. I never skip my meals or eat less. I just eat healthy. Hahahaha. You know something? Because I thought the world was coming to an end, I actually started drinking alcohol. But only on Friday nights. Hahahahah. That’s why I don’t cook on Fridays. LOLOL!!

I miss you, Ah Por. You know how sometimes friends try to comfort you and they tell you, “Oh Ah Por is in heaven having a blast with your Por Por, Kung Kung and Ah Kung and all their old friends!” Part of me wants to believe that because it is easier. The other part of me is like …. Yeah right. But the one thing I know for sure is that I have four pairs of eyes looking over me from heaven. So I feel good. I feel protected and I know that as long as I continue to be a good person, you guys will continue to protect me from all the way in heaven.

Oh yes! One more thing before I end……. Stinky is good too. I have not been able to detach myself from Stinky for even a day now. Even though I may not use it, I carry it with me even when I travelled (back at the time when we could actually travel!) Anyway, there was one day where that idiot husband of mine, decided to complain about Stinky to me right in the middle of our grocery shopping. He told me “Stinky is torn and broken already!! If it’s not fixed need to throw away!!” And just like that – my floodgates opened. I wanted to punch him so hard at that time cos he made me cry in public!! Thinking back, I think I frightened him a bit with my crying reaction! Hahahahahaha! Cos the very next day, he sewed some new ‘clothes’ for Stinky and wrapped Stinky up with it. Yes, I guess, I have a very understanding husband. So you don’t have to worry about us, Ah Por.

Ok, now I gotta go. We will talk more, ok? Grief is a strange thing. And I am not even sure we actually get over grief. But don’t worry. I will live well, eat well, work hard and be a good person. Always.

Love,
Your Ting Nga Yee

8th Year..... Perhaps overstaying my welcome here in the Golden Land

8th Year living in Myanmar....
and still counting?

On this day, 8 years ago, I arrived at the Yangon International Airport with 2 suitcases, ready to join MOH (My Other Half) who arrived a month earlier. I remember it was raining that day when I arrived. The airport was pretty quiet and there were very few cars on the road. That was the year I fell in love with Myanmar, who in turn, welcomed me with opened arms right from the get-go.

In a flash of a flash, I've been living here 8 years and have seen so much changes in the Golden Land. I remembered last year (7th year blogpost), I was stewing in my sweat due to the power cuts while writing that blog post. This year, I am once again stewing in my sweat, in 40 degrees heat writing my 8th year blog post, with a power cut 😓😓😓 I guess, some things just never change. (Side note : Dear EPC - don't you think the electricity issues are getting a bit old? It's been 8 years. Can we move forward please?)

Over the last one year, my frustrations with Myanmar has grown and I'm left once again questioning if I am over-staying my welcome. Despite the dynamic growth and the leap-frogging of everything, as I mentioned, some things never change. Nevermind the fake "arr nar" culture which I wrote about last year, but over the recent times, particularly in the face of a pandemic, I have seen more and more selfish behaviour emerge from this place I call home for now. Wait, let me just reiterate this "arr nar" culture. I have to, cos this still persists up till today. Again, there isn't an English word for "arr nar". In the Chinese language, we say "mm hou yee si". We are arr nar when we need a favour or help from someone. We are arr nar when someone pays for your lunch. But you know, in Myanmar - this arr nar is used for convenience purposes. Let me give you an example. I've told the so-called admin guy of our building to catch me only in the mornings to pass me the monthly utilities and maintenance bill. Sometimes, I ask for things to be fixed in the house but he doesn't update me and when I ask why, his answer would be "Because it's late. Arr nar lote." BUT when it comes to passing me the monthly bill, he seems to enjoy knocking on the door at nights (when I'm showered and naked indoors!)  even though I had specifically told him to pass it to me only in the mornings. So same situation, one has arr nar, and one doesn't. It baffles me. Doesn't it baffle you?  Don't get me wrong though. My building's landlord, family and team are super-duper helpful to all the tenants and making our stay as comfortable as possible.

Please let me continue my rant. After all, I try to do this only once a year to let off some steam 😝😝😝 But if I do offend anyone, my apologies and I don't mean to offend. This is just my observations and personal views after living in Myanmar for 8 years.

Back to the herd-mentality of selfishness that prevails here. Let me talk about the open-burning. I call it the 'Open Burning Festival' as a sarcastic way of greeting the horrible stench of smoke and pollution in the air every year when the temperature in the country drops to welcome cold season. This year, I see a lot of social media users complaining about the bad Air Quality Index which was near dangerous levels in fact. Hello people - first of all, simply sharing and complaining on social media isn't going to help! Anyway, again - after 8 long years, the burning is still happening and getting worse every year! It's like, they don't wanna give themselves a break from all the existing pain. The cold temperature is the one time you can really enjoy the weather outdoors. But they decide that it's the best time for a burning festival. Ugh. The only thing I have taken upon myself is to give the people who are open-burning a bit of a lecture when I happen to pass by them. And you know, 9 out of 10 of these people (some live in the rich areas and some are as close as my landlord's family 😏😏😏) they actually know that it is bad to burn! They will say "hote, hote" and keep doing it anyway or they just grin at me. The admin guy at my apartment does it sneakily when I am not at home but usually fails to cover up the leftover burning area and I can see it from my window up above! But now that it is a WFH situation, he hasn't been able to do so. The challenge is not enough rubbish collection / rubbish bins to throw out their leaves and rubbish. Well, the inconvenient part would be to pack all these into your car or bike or whatever and bring it to the nearest dump bin. The convenient part would be to burn this because you're selfish and lazy. It's all about their convenience. Not a care about people living in the surrounding areas. Just this morning, at 35 degrees heat, the neighbour was burning again. What happens if one of the hot ash was caught by the wind and blows it to rooftops? They don't think about that. Myanmar, it's disappointing that you choose to be ignorant even when you have the knowledge. Don't wait for the government to regulate this. It's democracy. Regulate yourselves!

Recently, due to Covid-19, I also see a lot of finger-pointing and blaming going on. What really irks me the most are the photos and contents which blame businesses for "not protecting your staff". In an earlier blogpost, I had already written that this pandemic is a new issue for everyone globally. And with this virus, it is not an "I" situation. It is a "We" situation. Before you blame the business for not protecting their staff - did you ever stop to ask yourself - what the hell are you doing at the business outlet, adding on to the crowd and risking the safety of not only yourself but of the staff as well? Before you take the photos and post it all over social media, do you have any idea how the businesses here in Myanmar are trying their very best to do their best? Are you in any of their meetings? No. So, don't blame. Don't point fingers. Do your part. If you see some businesses where the staff aren't wearing a masks, why not offer them masks on your next visit? Or just keep quiet and wear your own masks please. Almost everything in Myanmar is about "other people not doing their thing" 😣😣😣 When will everyone start doing their thing instead of looking at other people not doing their thing?

And speaking about Covid-19 - why do people still spit everywhere? I have a really big issue with this. Cos at the swimming pool where I swim, doesn't matter male or female, they just love hacking back their phlegm and spitting it out. It's the most disgusting thing ever. And I'm shocked because these people come in their big, fancy cars and more often than not, the security or lifeguards will run after them to carry their bags for them. Once again, Eileen never learns to keep her mouth shut. A few times, I told them off. I gave them the dagger stare. I tell them "Don't you know it is dirty??" But of course, they ignore me. I know part of the Myanmar culture is not to be told off publicly. I don't give a shit seriously. If you intend to spit in public, then I intend to tell you off in public. (But then again, when it comes to praises and apologies, they always demand to make it public! What gives??)  But all on deaf ears. I asked the lifeguard to tell them not to spit and sometimes the lifeguards just grin at me. Maybe they are afraid of offending these"rich people" of a higher caste than them (another prevailing issue here in Myanmar). But wait! It is ok to tell me not to take photos at the pool. But "arr nar" to tell them don't spit at the pool. Seriously. I can't even. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Which is worse? Photo or spitting? To be fair, one of the HOD  working at the pool did try to do something about it and I appreciate him stepping up. I'm just appalled. Some of these people who spit in public are young, in nice trendy clothes working in fancy office towers. So, you definitely cannot say that they are uneducated. But.....They. Still. Spit. My question is - do they spit inside their homes? On the floor of their own homes? Even participating in the marathon events here - they bloody spit while running. In the last Yoma Marathon, I had one guy spitting and his spittle landed on my shin. It was the most disgusting thing ever. If I wasn't chasing my timing and pace, I would've beaten him up, I swear to God. Instead, I just screamed at him, at how dirty he was. 😡😡😡

Look, it's not that the above issues I highlighted are making me feel unwelcomed in Myanmar. It's just an overall of everything here, the whole nature of 'kyite thar tar lote' (do as you like which usually is chaos, unplanned, using a problem to solve a problem.....) that is really, really making me question - "Do I really have another 8 years to give this country?" I mean, I am trying my best here for the people and to bring about some good. (again, acknowledging that there are millions out there, some locals, some foreigners who are all trying in the same struggles and challenges as me, to help the people of this country. Let's give ourselves a pat on the back!). I realized maybe what I do is significantly small to create any large changes. However, I still believe that making an impact for one person is better than no impact. But, I dunno, the whole herd-mentality and the refusal to move forwards, take accountability for actions, the selfishness, the drama, is really taking its toll on me and wearing me out. I don't even use energy these days to try to understand some of the things here anymore. In fact, speaking to some of my Myanmar friends here, they too do not understand their own people! So how can me, a foreigner understand any more than them??  I'm not saying this doesn't happen in other countries. I am sure it does. But I'm here in Myanmar right now so let's talk about Myanmar. (I can vouch that Malaysia and the idiotic government is not that far away. LOLOL!)

Well, to be honest, at the start of 2020, I was planning my next big adventure. Palestine, Israel or Syria. In fact, MOH, always being so supportive of my life's purpose to save the world was looking up flights and travel plans to either Palestine or Syria so that I could check out the place and plan my next move. And then we all know happened. The damn Covid-19 happened. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
So, here we are, not being able to travel and unable to be with my family too. And in the middle of all of these, in 40 degrees heat, power cuts! I feel someone up there is testing me daily. But the closure of airports and halting of any travel plans (in fact, any damn plans at all) have bought me some time here in Myanmar. Looking back at the 8 years, it's not all negative here for me in Myanmar. The work that I do here has positive purpose and impact and 8 long years after, I get to see some tiny, tiny bit of results and that is always a wonderful thing.

I had been doing my succession planning and for SoyAi and The Children of Tomorrow Youth Centre, I have 100% faith and believe in Htet Shine who has really stepped up, you know. In the midst of the coronavirus crisis, he had tried to innovate his business and scaled up the delivery and hygiene. I'm so, so, so proud of him and his team. If I do leave Myanmar, the ONE thing I would be very proud of would be SoyAi and Htet Shine. I do have access to the SoyAi FB Page although I don't touch anything at all. I see a lot of messages from customers who are supportive and most of all, a lot of messages saying "I love your tofu!" or "We love your soy milk!". This is all Htet Shine yeah. Absolutely nothing to do with me. I wanna also say thank you to Ma Kye from Organic Valley for looking out for Htet Shine and his tofu too. They are actually next door neighbours! Htet Shine and his SoyAi team will indeed find their growth and success in time. I know it from the bottom of my heart. This year, Htet Shine and I were planning the annual children's Pre-Thingyan Party. And we had to cancel because of the current situation. He loves the children and that's very important for the business purpose. If you do see him, or if he happens to deliver soy milk or tofu to you, please give him a cheer. Tell him he can do this!

For some of my first batch of mentees, in the last year or two, I had already stepped back from them. Letting them grow their own wings to fly. Yeah, I do get the occasional "Sayarma!!!! I need to talk!!" or "Sayarma, I need some guidance!!" which is all fine by me, yeah - as long as they remember to mark down in their book of debts, the lobsters they owe me 😜😜😜 But seeing them grow over the years had been wonderful too. And c'mon, with technology these days, I can still "talk" to them online. Zoom is the in-thing now, isn't it? 😆😆😆 There is another team which I was mentoring and coaching closely and one day, I was told point-blank : "Your micro-management is suffocating us!" Ouch. It's fine. I can accept both courage to tell me and reasons. Sometimes, I too never learn. I need to consistently believe and trust in myself, that I have guided and coached them the best that I can and really, to empower people is to let them walk and fall. So, I dropped this team into the deep end of the ocean. And you know what? They seemed to have stepped up. And again - in light of the whole crisis and "new normal", they are managing things to the best of their abilities, striving and thriving. I see some mistakes here and there, but you know what? They will learn by themselves. As usual - I am always gonna be around to guide when my guidance is needed. That's all.

Of course, I had taken on more new students / mentees under my wings. It is my personal goal to see them flourish. This would never stop for me, no matter where I am. Some are flourishing, some are struggling, some are consistently inconsistent (you all know who you are!!!). All walks of life. I would one day, look back and remember them all, with their different characteristics, behaviour, attitudes and perhaps laugh fondly, especially at the times I physically slapped them. 😜😜😜 I know some try to portray something else to me and to the rest of the world, but they can't escape my eyes. Especially now that I have finished my Social Psychology Certificate Course. When that happens, it is my job to subtly bring them back down to earth. Oh, I have my ways. Having said that, I am a bit more choosy with whom I extend my mentoring time to now. Quality over quantity. As of last year, my new motto is that my mentoring zone is a 'No Drama Zone'. The moment you bring your drama in, I will drop you like a hot charcoal. So far, this has worked perfectly for me, seeing as how the Myanmar folks just love dramas! But I never say no to anyone who just needs some help or advise. It is up to them whether they are "arr nar" or not. But some do feel as if they are entitled and these are people I don't care to give time to.

The uni where I am lecturing in, Strategy First University is closed at the moment - again, we all know why. I think much to my students' joy, I am publicly admitting that I miss their naughtiness. In particular the current digital class that had to stop midway. I used to dread Wednesdays because this class is particularly naughty. They are united in their naughtiness 😫😫😫 But now that I haven't seen them for a month plus, I'm beginning to miss them. I just miss teaching overall. I did try over the Thingyan break to get them to do a lecture with me online. But they were so naughty, they ignored me!! 😕😕😕 Well, I have a bad feeling that when school actually reopens, they would all have forgotten everything! Like every business in Myanmar affected by the Covid-19, SFU is no different. I have very high respect for the school's principal and for what he does to empower the youth of this country and will continue to give them my support, as long as it is within my capabilities.

The unnaturally quiet Thingyan this year here in Myanmar had also given me some time to reflect - is my job here really done?

With the Covid-19 wreaking havoc globally, we can already start seeing the damage being done here in Myanmar particularly to the underprivileged communities. I read about a man starving to death a couple of days ago and it is so very sad. Yes, whilst it is true that I don't think I have another 8 years to give this place, but I know now there's more work to be done here. I do know that I can't possibly do it alone. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. I do have some plans in my head on rejuvenating a small part of the economy post-Covid and at the same time, helping ease the burden of the poorer communities. I just need to put the proper plans in place and find the right people to partner up with. So, do stay tuned! (If you're interested - let me know. I'm gonna be working closely with local restaurants and small eateries.)

They say in every cloud, there is a silver lining. In every dark times, you can find the light. In every challenges, there are opportunities. And in any occasion, we can choose to rise. Well, I am going to choose to rise, as I always do, against the electricity, the challenges, the burning, the spitting, the idiotic road users and all the frustrations.  I am not Mr. B, so I might flip the table and lose my shit every so often - made worse that my MMA classes have also stopped these days so I have nowhere to release my anger except on my poor husband 😂😂😂 or I might give an idiot road user my middle finger (you know, one day, I'm gonna be a popular meme in Myanmar - "Sayarma Eileen and Her Middle Finger" 😝😝😝 but seriously, some of these drivers really deserve my middle finger!!)  Anyway, I just have to understand that for me, my life's goal and purpose does not change, where ever I may be. Whenever I digress, I need to refocus on my purpose and find ways to action upon my purpose.

These days, with a volatile pandemic situation, my future plans look a little vague. While my new adventures would have to be on hold for now, I intend to make use of my time here, to continue doing good for the people of a country that had welcomed me and MOH for the past 8 years.