** This post is going to be a rant, so brace yourself.
In my decade-long wedding career, I've only had one wedding experience that was extremely unpleasant. After last month, I now can add one more to that figure. But I guess, it takes nasty experiences to help us grow and learn.
I was glad to have my partners fly in to give support for the wedding because I could see things not going right and I was very sure I needed the extra experienced reinforcement. Of course, given a better circumstance, I would have liked them to fly in for a nicer, more pleasant experience. But well, that wasn't the case. In any case, 3 days from the aftermath, I am still thankful they were here and they got my back. Thanks, L & TH !!!
Well, I was very clear on what my deliverables were to the clients and whilst the planning process was totally unenjoyable, the clients weren't nasty. However, I have not known a more disorganized couple and their families and add to that, a bride who haven't even selected her HMU artist a day before the wedding - to name a few unconfirmed items - we can all spell the word C-H-A-O-S. Despite my best advise previously, they didn't want to listen and what happens when it's your big day and you suddenly realise you have ten thousand things not done yet? You freak out, tempers flare, you forget things and your time schedule runs out of whack. Let me do a run-down of what went wrong.
Nevermind that the table decoration was only confirmed 2 days before the wedding day, or the fact that the confirmed caterers were suddenly thrown our way - even though this wasn't a part of the workscope, and nevermind also that she couldn't confirm who she wanted for hair & make-up (even after a hundred trials), or what was the chosen walk-in music despite the fact that 10 over songs were played for them ..... right up to the morning of the wedding day, we had no guest list or seating plan - the max capacity of the hotel was 30 tables and late night on the eve of the wedding, she told me that there are guests who might turn up with additional people, etc,... etc..... And they wanted to do place card seating!!! Without a seating plan, that was totally impossible. And whilst we were instructed to serve wines - the red wines were nowhere to be found and not delivered to the hotel till the very last hour. And the approval of itinerary seemed to mean shit to the clients because the schedule kept changing... from hour to hour. Even at 5.15pm on wedding day, the itinerary was changed. The bridesmaid who was so particular about mixing the special cocktail (enough for 200 pax) showed up at 5.15pm and said "I didn't have time to do this. YOU DO IT. I will give you the recipe now. " No please, no thank yous. We are hired slaves. But guess what? We got it done. And we have a new mixologist in da house, y'all!
Since we had come all this way throughout the planning process, myself and the team worked on trouble-shooting. Every minute was spent implementing what was agreed in conjunction with managing last minute requests and changes. And it totally didn't help when the clients decide to get petty - eg... Car on standby - "Why did you ask the car to be on standby so early? I will call you when I need it! Who will pay for the additional hours?!!!" First of all, the car does not magically appear when I snap my fingers. Second of all, the additional hours costs a total of USD20. I knew that if the car was late to "appear", she would also throw a tantrum. So, I told her I'd absorb the USD20 if it so makes her happy. Mind you, these were wealthy people we were dealing with. But if that USD20 contributes to someone's happiness - hey, why not.
Aside from the couple themselves and the families, we had all these high-flying overseas guests who thought they were all one-head above us and looked at us with disdain and disgust. Well, I handled RSVPs also and despite ten thousand emails telling them what to do, what to expect, etc.... the guests seem to be hell-bent on making life difficult. Not all, but most. I mean, hey - what's up with the "I Am Better Than Thou" attitude. Give me a break. Last I checked, we all have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, hands, legs, one heart, one stomach, etc. Oh, you mean your better financial status means you are better than me? Oh.. puh-lease. There was even a celebrity amongst them who thought he was the God of all things and started instigating other guests on the bus to throw tantrums too because the schedule was so delayed - yet again! As mentioned, the clients kept changing their schedules and it ended up with guests having to wait long. Guests throwing tantrums, picking fights and then telling tales to the clients about "your wedding planner shouted at me" are all just displaying one fact to me - despite your monies, you are so terribly brought up. In Chinese, we say MO KAR KAO. I mean, if you were so "rich" and you didn't want to wait, why not arrange for your own private transfer?? Nevertheless, we all bit the bullet, grinned and beared with all these nonsense. I even beared the brunt of the bride screaming and crying at me, telling me she wanted me to get rid of my team member who shouted at her and her guests. (To those of you who knows TH - tell me if he is capable of shouting at a pissy guest? Didn't think so.)
Without a correct guest list and seating plan, it was obviously chaos when it was time to get into the ballroom. When I had to check this with a family member of the bride, she sarcastically told me "I have done it all perfectly already, ok? Doing your job!" Again.... errr,..... with all due respect, these are your guests. Unless you don't mind me seating your guests wherever I please. I mean, seriously! Do you really expect me to seat your VIP guests when I don't know who they are and I don't know which table they are seated at??! Nevermind. I said Thank You, smiled and walked off.
Because the bride had to get her hair done at a salon somewhere else (couldn't decide on a HMU, remember??), she was delayed by 3 hours, and everything ran an hour late for the reception. As per confirmed itinerary, food to be served after the bride's grand entrance. She specifically wanted a Western-style reception, as opposed to the Cambodian-style of serving every table of 10, whether or not the bride existed. Before I even got a chance to check with the bride if we could do that instead of keeping the guests waiting - guess what? The families started making a fuss. And here was where all hell broke loose - when two of the family members came up to me and started screaming and shouting degradingly at me - in front of all the other guests. I kept my composure and I tried to explain in an even tone that this was the bride's wishes, nevertheless, I have made the call to serve food. But more screaming and shouting and bitching ensued, so I walked off.
Add to the mix - a totally ball-less hotel management team who had no qualms of screwing you over.... it all spells N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E. See right, the hotel was so quick at pointing fingers the moment they sensed something wrong. The first thing they did when they saw the guests expressing hunger was to go up to the family and say "Actually, all our food is ready but the wedding planner isn't allowing us to serve." Good one. Before that, they reminded me over ten times that the ice bar display would be removed after pre-dinner cocktails because it would melt. But when the client complained about the ice melting - what did they do? They gathered their service staff and tried to salvage the ice bar. Let it be known - it was the wedding planning team who helped their service staff try to salvage the ice bar. And they reminded, also a thousand times before the wedding that the poolside closes at 11pm sharp. But again, when the push came to shove, they said "We'll let it run all night long, it's fine." That's fucking ball-less, if I ever met any. And I have worked with the hotel's sister company before in another country. They don't behave this way. However, I have to say kudos to the banquet and service team. They really provided the much needed support to cater to all the last minute changes and guests requests, etc. I have always enjoyed working with the banquet service team of this hotel. It is only the management that gives all sort of pompous problems. Now, I need to add ball-less to the equation.
When I was screamed at in a public display of rudeness, I could've chosen to walk off and bring my entire team with me. I did not. In fact, hahaha, I'm so proud of myself for achieving some sort of "zen" level in my journey towards having a calm mind. I did not walk out even though I have every right to do so. Say what? Even my Mother does not scream at me that way! Who the fuck do you think you are? But, I didn't create a scene because I don't like creating scenes in public. Furthermore, I think these people have publicly shown how badly they were brought up despite their richess and what-nots. Just because they behave like uneducated fools in public, does not mean I need to stoop to their level. I have class. My parents brought me up really well.
But most importantly was the fact that I really felt sorry for the bride. I mean, this was her wedding day. She had two days of displeasure, irritation, annoyance, screaming, crying, shouting, anger..... I really didn't want to be yet another person who physically added to the black spots of her wedding day. It's all karma at the end of the day. I was blessed with a fab, fab, fab wedding filled with laughter. I always wish the same for every couple because it is after all, a once-in-a-lifetime event. So, I stayed on. And we worked the floor and despite all the setbacks and glitches, we finally finished the 13 hours + 20 hours, 2 day-event.
I still haven't been paid nor has the other vendors. To be honest, if they paid, they paid. If they didn't, I couldn't care less. I'm not going to beg for my balance payment. Don't get me wrong, it would be great to be paid for the heartaches and pain but then again, the amount they are paying isn't worth it at all. In fact, no amount of money can pay off being humiliated in public for something that wasn't even my fault to begin with. If they want to be petty, etc... I don't think I would have the patience to deal with it. If they really don't pay, I will always remember that Karma's A Bitch. Fingers and toes crossed, so far, the client had been a good paymaster. Again, don't get me wrong - the bride had been ok. She wasn't nasty. I understand also that her temper on wedding day was just the torrents of emotions she was going through. But for the families and guests..... that's a different story.
Not to mention, after the event was over, I received Thank You emails from 3 guests. And they said that even though it was all so disorganized, they knew it wasn't my fault because they "knew the couple well." Even if it was only 3 guests out of the 300, I take that as a good sign. If I had screamed back at the family that day, I wouldn't be getting these words of encouragements.
I suppose trying to practise keeping calm is ..... hard. I've been reading this book about pretending your mind is a lake and let nothing ripple the calmness of the water. Well, I've had pebbles and rocks and God knows what else threw into it over that 2-day event, and it all rippled. Keeping it calm is hard, man. And then there's this thing about being the bigger person. After the wedding was over, I still had last minute requests coming from the bride. I honestly didn't feel like entertaining all these requests - which were out of my workscope by the way. In fact, my local team said "We really do not want to see them or any of their families again." This coming from a group of boys who are so dociled and mild-manner, it drives me crazy. They could stand me - Gordon Ramsey The Second for 4 years, but they just can't take the couple or their families for one more day, after two days. That says a lot. Well, I made the necessary arrangements for them but I also made some excuses not to show up. I mean, I had a date with the kids at the orphanage. Really didn't think I was gonna ditch them kids and choose to handle more rudeness!!!
Not letting things ripple that lake and being the bigger person...... these are all still work-in-progress for myself. Seriously, if I can do that, I might be the Buddha himself! :P But so far as I have seen, I am Grace Under Fire.
p/s : I highly commend my team who stepped up above so much and the great teamwork is what every business needs to make things successful despite the adversities. I salute all of you. And it was also nice to have experienced partners come here to watch my back for once :) I am thankful. I am blessed.
 |
| The Wedding Planners |
I was glad to have my partners fly in to give support for the wedding because I could see things not going right and I was very sure I needed the extra experienced reinforcement. Of course, given a better circumstance, I would have liked them to fly in for a nicer, more pleasant experience. But well, that wasn't the case. In any case, 3 days from the aftermath, I am still thankful they were here and they got my back. Thanks, L & TH !!!
Well, I was very clear on what my deliverables were to the clients and whilst the planning process was totally unenjoyable, the clients weren't nasty. However, I have not known a more disorganized couple and their families and add to that, a bride who haven't even selected her HMU artist a day before the wedding - to name a few unconfirmed items - we can all spell the word C-H-A-O-S. Despite my best advise previously, they didn't want to listen and what happens when it's your big day and you suddenly realise you have ten thousand things not done yet? You freak out, tempers flare, you forget things and your time schedule runs out of whack. Let me do a run-down of what went wrong.
Nevermind that the table decoration was only confirmed 2 days before the wedding day, or the fact that the confirmed caterers were suddenly thrown our way - even though this wasn't a part of the workscope, and nevermind also that she couldn't confirm who she wanted for hair & make-up (even after a hundred trials), or what was the chosen walk-in music despite the fact that 10 over songs were played for them ..... right up to the morning of the wedding day, we had no guest list or seating plan - the max capacity of the hotel was 30 tables and late night on the eve of the wedding, she told me that there are guests who might turn up with additional people, etc,... etc..... And they wanted to do place card seating!!! Without a seating plan, that was totally impossible. And whilst we were instructed to serve wines - the red wines were nowhere to be found and not delivered to the hotel till the very last hour. And the approval of itinerary seemed to mean shit to the clients because the schedule kept changing... from hour to hour. Even at 5.15pm on wedding day, the itinerary was changed. The bridesmaid who was so particular about mixing the special cocktail (enough for 200 pax) showed up at 5.15pm and said "I didn't have time to do this. YOU DO IT. I will give you the recipe now. " No please, no thank yous. We are hired slaves. But guess what? We got it done. And we have a new mixologist in da house, y'all!
Since we had come all this way throughout the planning process, myself and the team worked on trouble-shooting. Every minute was spent implementing what was agreed in conjunction with managing last minute requests and changes. And it totally didn't help when the clients decide to get petty - eg... Car on standby - "Why did you ask the car to be on standby so early? I will call you when I need it! Who will pay for the additional hours?!!!" First of all, the car does not magically appear when I snap my fingers. Second of all, the additional hours costs a total of USD20. I knew that if the car was late to "appear", she would also throw a tantrum. So, I told her I'd absorb the USD20 if it so makes her happy. Mind you, these were wealthy people we were dealing with. But if that USD20 contributes to someone's happiness - hey, why not.
Aside from the couple themselves and the families, we had all these high-flying overseas guests who thought they were all one-head above us and looked at us with disdain and disgust. Well, I handled RSVPs also and despite ten thousand emails telling them what to do, what to expect, etc.... the guests seem to be hell-bent on making life difficult. Not all, but most. I mean, hey - what's up with the "I Am Better Than Thou" attitude. Give me a break. Last I checked, we all have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, hands, legs, one heart, one stomach, etc. Oh, you mean your better financial status means you are better than me? Oh.. puh-lease. There was even a celebrity amongst them who thought he was the God of all things and started instigating other guests on the bus to throw tantrums too because the schedule was so delayed - yet again! As mentioned, the clients kept changing their schedules and it ended up with guests having to wait long. Guests throwing tantrums, picking fights and then telling tales to the clients about "your wedding planner shouted at me" are all just displaying one fact to me - despite your monies, you are so terribly brought up. In Chinese, we say MO KAR KAO. I mean, if you were so "rich" and you didn't want to wait, why not arrange for your own private transfer?? Nevertheless, we all bit the bullet, grinned and beared with all these nonsense. I even beared the brunt of the bride screaming and crying at me, telling me she wanted me to get rid of my team member who shouted at her and her guests. (To those of you who knows TH - tell me if he is capable of shouting at a pissy guest? Didn't think so.)
Without a correct guest list and seating plan, it was obviously chaos when it was time to get into the ballroom. When I had to check this with a family member of the bride, she sarcastically told me "I have done it all perfectly already, ok? Doing your job!" Again.... errr,..... with all due respect, these are your guests. Unless you don't mind me seating your guests wherever I please. I mean, seriously! Do you really expect me to seat your VIP guests when I don't know who they are and I don't know which table they are seated at??! Nevermind. I said Thank You, smiled and walked off.
Because the bride had to get her hair done at a salon somewhere else (couldn't decide on a HMU, remember??), she was delayed by 3 hours, and everything ran an hour late for the reception. As per confirmed itinerary, food to be served after the bride's grand entrance. She specifically wanted a Western-style reception, as opposed to the Cambodian-style of serving every table of 10, whether or not the bride existed. Before I even got a chance to check with the bride if we could do that instead of keeping the guests waiting - guess what? The families started making a fuss. And here was where all hell broke loose - when two of the family members came up to me and started screaming and shouting degradingly at me - in front of all the other guests. I kept my composure and I tried to explain in an even tone that this was the bride's wishes, nevertheless, I have made the call to serve food. But more screaming and shouting and bitching ensued, so I walked off.
Add to the mix - a totally ball-less hotel management team who had no qualms of screwing you over.... it all spells N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E. See right, the hotel was so quick at pointing fingers the moment they sensed something wrong. The first thing they did when they saw the guests expressing hunger was to go up to the family and say "Actually, all our food is ready but the wedding planner isn't allowing us to serve." Good one. Before that, they reminded me over ten times that the ice bar display would be removed after pre-dinner cocktails because it would melt. But when the client complained about the ice melting - what did they do? They gathered their service staff and tried to salvage the ice bar. Let it be known - it was the wedding planning team who helped their service staff try to salvage the ice bar. And they reminded, also a thousand times before the wedding that the poolside closes at 11pm sharp. But again, when the push came to shove, they said "We'll let it run all night long, it's fine." That's fucking ball-less, if I ever met any. And I have worked with the hotel's sister company before in another country. They don't behave this way. However, I have to say kudos to the banquet and service team. They really provided the much needed support to cater to all the last minute changes and guests requests, etc. I have always enjoyed working with the banquet service team of this hotel. It is only the management that gives all sort of pompous problems. Now, I need to add ball-less to the equation.
When I was screamed at in a public display of rudeness, I could've chosen to walk off and bring my entire team with me. I did not. In fact, hahaha, I'm so proud of myself for achieving some sort of "zen" level in my journey towards having a calm mind. I did not walk out even though I have every right to do so. Say what? Even my Mother does not scream at me that way! Who the fuck do you think you are? But, I didn't create a scene because I don't like creating scenes in public. Furthermore, I think these people have publicly shown how badly they were brought up despite their richess and what-nots. Just because they behave like uneducated fools in public, does not mean I need to stoop to their level. I have class. My parents brought me up really well.
But most importantly was the fact that I really felt sorry for the bride. I mean, this was her wedding day. She had two days of displeasure, irritation, annoyance, screaming, crying, shouting, anger..... I really didn't want to be yet another person who physically added to the black spots of her wedding day. It's all karma at the end of the day. I was blessed with a fab, fab, fab wedding filled with laughter. I always wish the same for every couple because it is after all, a once-in-a-lifetime event. So, I stayed on. And we worked the floor and despite all the setbacks and glitches, we finally finished the 13 hours + 20 hours, 2 day-event.
I still haven't been paid nor has the other vendors. To be honest, if they paid, they paid. If they didn't, I couldn't care less. I'm not going to beg for my balance payment. Don't get me wrong, it would be great to be paid for the heartaches and pain but then again, the amount they are paying isn't worth it at all. In fact, no amount of money can pay off being humiliated in public for something that wasn't even my fault to begin with. If they want to be petty, etc... I don't think I would have the patience to deal with it. If they really don't pay, I will always remember that Karma's A Bitch. Fingers and toes crossed, so far, the client had been a good paymaster. Again, don't get me wrong - the bride had been ok. She wasn't nasty. I understand also that her temper on wedding day was just the torrents of emotions she was going through. But for the families and guests..... that's a different story.
Not to mention, after the event was over, I received Thank You emails from 3 guests. And they said that even though it was all so disorganized, they knew it wasn't my fault because they "knew the couple well." Even if it was only 3 guests out of the 300, I take that as a good sign. If I had screamed back at the family that day, I wouldn't be getting these words of encouragements.
I suppose trying to practise keeping calm is ..... hard. I've been reading this book about pretending your mind is a lake and let nothing ripple the calmness of the water. Well, I've had pebbles and rocks and God knows what else threw into it over that 2-day event, and it all rippled. Keeping it calm is hard, man. And then there's this thing about being the bigger person. After the wedding was over, I still had last minute requests coming from the bride. I honestly didn't feel like entertaining all these requests - which were out of my workscope by the way. In fact, my local team said "We really do not want to see them or any of their families again." This coming from a group of boys who are so dociled and mild-manner, it drives me crazy. They could stand me - Gordon Ramsey The Second for 4 years, but they just can't take the couple or their families for one more day, after two days. That says a lot. Well, I made the necessary arrangements for them but I also made some excuses not to show up. I mean, I had a date with the kids at the orphanage. Really didn't think I was gonna ditch them kids and choose to handle more rudeness!!!
Not letting things ripple that lake and being the bigger person...... these are all still work-in-progress for myself. Seriously, if I can do that, I might be the Buddha himself! :P But so far as I have seen, I am Grace Under Fire.
p/s : I highly commend my team who stepped up above so much and the great teamwork is what every business needs to make things successful despite the adversities. I salute all of you. And it was also nice to have experienced partners come here to watch my back for once :) I am thankful. I am blessed.
2 comments:
After a full recap of events, i would have to say this is also my 2nd worst wedding of my career. The first one being "The Wedding From Hell". So you wonder , why we all still do it ?
Only God knows.
And then we keep making bigger plans. LOL!!!
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