Weddings Are Meant To Be Beautiful

** I am so tardy with my blog these days, I fear cobwebs are growing around it

Over the course of my career, I have met quite a few "crazies" in terms of clientele. You know, clients who want it fast, cheap and good, clients who kick up a dramatized fuss about changing the copy from "a" to "the", clients who decide you are supposed to finance their business because they are a popular brand, etc. Then I expanded into planning weddings. Brides are a whole different breed really. Over the years and with many steep learning curves climbed, I have learnt to manage these clients, these crazies, the best way possible. I have had my finer moments and I have had my not-so-fine moments where if given a chance, I would push the person off the cliff. Or myself.

When it comes to bridal "crazies", I have realized that my patience can be stretched pretty far, even though patience is not my virtue. At the end of the day, it is about understanding the psyche of a bride. Or even a groom for that matter. I mean, after all, it is their big day and who ever thinks about "Oh, if this doesn't go well, we'll do it again?" for a wedding, right? So, I can deal with the "I want it and I want it NOW!" or the 6am calls on Sunday mornings or the 8pm calls at nights. I have even learnt to deal with brides who expect me to snap my fingers and stop rain - like I am God or something.

Therefore, having established myself and my name in this business - not without the help of my partners and a strong network of great industry vendors of course, I am more cautious when choosing my clients. But yet again, I sometimes have my not-so-fine-moments when making such a decision. And recently, this "un-fine" moment surfaced.

You see, I'm a sucker for weddings and all things romantic. I still cry at weddings - even though they are not mine. (Yes, this Eminem fan has a soft side too). So therefore, when this particular groom looked me up out of desperation, I took on the job. In all honesty, the fee wasn't that fantastic. I laid out my terms and these terms had to be customized because there was only 30 days left to the wedding and zero had been accomplished. We agreed and signed-off. And then in waltzed his TV star bride. And this was when things became a nightmare. Sensing that things aren't going to go down well, I had twice asked the groom to please take back his deposit - even though under contract, I am not liable to return his deposit. But twice, the groom, sounded desperately apologetic and said it will all be sorted out. I don't even know where my sense of "kindness" was coming from!! I even offered to help him on a "friendship basis" but he insisted I get paid for my work. But the whole drama escalated to a climax yesterday evening. Within a span of half an hour, the bride had called 4 times, changing her decision from cancel to limited production to cancel again to "Fine, I'll take the whole lot, but it must be delivered NOW." She knows that there was no way production of 1,000pcs of favours will be completed within one week. Yet.... She even threatened that if we don't do as she wants, she would "use her mouth to ruin our reputation."

Ah, you see.... I can take alot of nonsense. But I don't sit down to being threatened. I have to say this again because I enjoy saying it - last I checked, she was no Angelina Jolie. Sorry, to burst your bubbles, babe. Reality hurts, huh? I have a rock-solid career and credentials and if you think a local 'celebrity' can ruin me, I would've been ruined long time ago. I am so happy that I am such an anal-freak when it comes to black & white documentation. I can easily ruin her too by going to the press with all these. But I choose to take the high road. Meanwhile, where was the groom? Nowhere to be found. (Until this morning, when he called and apologized yet again and said let's move on. I say what??!) We're counting 18 days and still zero accomplished except for the favours drama.

That's the thing I don't get. Weddings are meant to be beautiful. A day where you celebrate LOVE with all those near and dear to you. A day that is filled with laughter and love permeating the very air that we breathe. Because it is such an enjoyable day, filled with blessings from loved ones, friends, acquaintances and sometimes, even passing-strangers, the lead-up to it should be an enjoyable one too. Isn't it? So why then do some people insist on making it a stressful and dramatized journey?

If you have hired a professional wedding planner or any professional wedding vendors, trust them to do their job. They've been doing this for years and they have credentials and portfolios to show for it. Do you walk into A Cut Above and pay the Creative Director 500 bucks to style your hair, but instead, you are teaching her how to cut your hair? Then why bother paying? If you have a budget, stick to it. But manage your expectations. Everyone has a budget. Even myself for my own wedding. Money don't grow on trees. I GET THAT and I understand that. But use reason and common sense to manage your expectations. You do not buy gold for the price of iron. It simply doesn't happen. As planners, we will strive to get you the best deals with the best quality possible matching the price paid. But remember this always - you pay peanuts, you get monkies. And ANY professional vendor will NEVER  want to make monkies out of your wedding. If you are getting peanuts, I advise you to double and triple check your deal. Of course, there are rare occasions where a really good deal is offered. 

Above all, treat your vendors with respect. We are not your butlers or your slaves. I have no issues helping you carry your gown, your bags, your shoes or helping your guests get a SIM card. But that is only because I LIKE YOU as a person and you respect me as a professional. If you were unkind and disrespectful, I will tell you that carrying your shoes and what-nots are not part of my jobscope. However much you are paying me at that point is irrelevant. Period. When a client calls me during lunch hour and asks "Eileen, is it ok to talk now? I know it is your lunch hour but I need to check on something..." I feel I want to do more for this client. But when a client calls me at 6am on a Sunday morning and then lambast me for not answering my phone because I am supposed to be available to her 24 hours of the day - I feel I need to memorize the contract and only perform according to my jobscope. There you go! The truth. I am pretty sure many of my industry friends share these feelings too.

Over and above that - never resort to threaten your hired professional. Sure, throw your bridal tantrums if you must. I know it gets stressful towards the big day. But don't ever, ever threaten to put your hired vendor out of business ESPECIALLY if you are the one being unreasonable. Because, let me tell you another secret - any vendors worth their salt DO NOT NEED your fees to survive. We are simply established enough to just move on. Many of us, we are in this business because we love and enjoy our jobs (aside from being suckers for pain :P) and for sure, we want to share the happiest moment of your lives with you. We want to see you laugh like there is no tomorrow and cry with joy (I will cry together with you for sure!). Bottomline - we love our jobs. We don't do this to survive. Sure, it pays for my triathlon training, and if I don't do your job, perhaps, I do one race less. Big deal. Always remember that.

Like I said, weddings are meant to be beautiful. You want blessings from loved ones, family, friends and all those who know you and share your day. Another secret - vendors do complain and do bitch about unreasonable and crazy clients. We are professionals and we smile and perform and make sure you have a great wedding and we may not bitch out loud and neither will we bitch to other people about it, but when we get back to the office, amongst ourselves, we might bitch, we might swear, we might curse. It is only natural simply because we need to release our frustrations too. We are after all, only humans. Do you want blessings or curses on your wedding day?

Because weddings are meant to be beautiful and the memory of that wedding day is meant to carry your love through for the rest of your lives together. When all your guests and all those who have worked on your wedding share the same joy and laughter, it is a truly, truly remarkable experience. Everytime you think about your wedding, you smile - even on the toughest, bleakest day. I say this because this is my experience with my own wedding. Let the small things slide and enjoy the day. Because perspective-wise - I think it is more important to have the right man standing next to me when exchanging my vows instead of worrying about the damn glasses being set on the table in a perfectly straight line.

I would have happily traipsed down the aisle even if I had a hole in my gown (would've still prefered the sarong though :P) simply because I was walking towards the man I truly love. This is what a wedding is to me. What about you?