Yes, going back to feeling rather sorry for myself..... looking at my array of medication - cough syrup, cough tablets, antibiotics (and the effin' strong dosage that makes your lips and tongue go dry and numb), painkillers for the damn pain in my ribs, day flu, night flu, dizziness, ... and what is this? A pill for stubborness? :P
With the Bali race in less than a week, I sure am feeling extremely sorry for myself and how I got to where I am today. I think the word we're looking for is "over-training". When JFT first offered me the sponsorship last year in October, I was of course elated. I had been training hard before and with the sponsorship confirmed, I trained harder. In fact, I trained damn blady hard for the race. I was at my peak 6 months ago. I was doing 27km - 30km long runs every weekends (30km in 2:30) and my idea of a Monday recovery run was doing an 18km run in 2:20. I was clocking up an average of 60 clicks per week on runs, and also spent time on the bike and in the pool. These are all on top of my weight training and my circuit training. I was getting one day of rest in between and I kept pushing every week. I felt I was at the top of my game and fitness level. I was so ready to take on Bali and do better than my Miri Tri PB of 2:57 in the Olympic Distant.
And what do you know? The higher one is, the faster they roll down the hill :P By the middle of March, my body seemed to be starting a protest campaign, starting with my knees acting up. Then, in the last week of March, my "great fall" took its toll on my knees and the "rolling downhill" just picked up its momentum from here on. For some reason, I also developed a cough at about the same time which never went away, and I am still coughing violently. So prolonged was the coughing that I injured my ribs. Or pulled a muscle there - which makes pushing my swim rather painful.
Despite all the above, I continued to train. I continued to push. I don't know if it was sheer stupidity or the prevailing of my "never say die" attitude (some might say - STUBBORNESS), I never stopped training. I may slack off, I may do junk miles, I may have even let my timing slip and slide a little, but I never stopped. There's always this very thin, grey line in which I can't make clear of. People always tell you, "Listen To Your Body"... but as endurance athletes, you're meant to push the boundaries. I mean, how do you train for the Ironman if you're going to give up at the slightest hint of pain? I kept on pushing for better time, or at least get back the timing I was doing 6 months ago. Some days, I get there. Most days, I couldn't.
It was very frustrating for me because the more I couldn't get back to my peak, the harder I pushed. And the final straw came when last Friday, I woke up with fever, sore throat, running nose - the whole works. I was sneezing all morning, and with this, in addition to the cough, my rib was in sheer pain. I was in pain even though I wasn't moving my body. And I knew right then that my dream of at least gunning for Top 5 finish in Bali was shattered. I couldn't even look Top 10 in the face. To be honest, I was in tears. MOH of course, had no idea what to do with me, although I knew it was at the tip of his tongue to say "I told you so!".
I think, after a weekend of trying to recuperate and finally taking some proper medication (and not some googled home-remedies), I'm finally coming to terms with my participation as a non-competitor in Bali. Well, at least, in my head, I think I have come to terms with it. If you race competitively, you would surely understand the frustration of changing your race goals from Top 5 finish + new PB to just finishing the race and try not to crawl to the finish line.
BUT, I also think, any athlete - even the top ones must surely have their time in the mud. And any athlete worth their salt would surely find a way to claw their way back to the top. I mean, a friend of mine told me once that the reason why the great endurance athletes are in the older age group is because they are smarter about it and they accept defeat with grace and fight their way back to the top when the right moment comes by. Perhaps, it is time for me to accept a first round defeat in the battle against my body's rioting :P Hey - if I could make a come back after a 3-year hiatus, I'm sure there's always the next race in which I could be racing strongly. The idea is to be able to race for a long, long time and not be a one-hit wonder, right?
So, I shall spend the next few days coming to terms with my shift in race goals and really, if you look at it, since the trip and all have been paid anyway, I might as well go there to have fun rather than sulk and cry. Right? Right? Right.
p/s : (It all make sense as I am writing this, and I am assuming this is part of my process of coming to terms with my goal shifts...... :\ )
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